1. Foolproof Boiled Eggs

    May 31, 2012 :: 8:13 am

    This is a recipe for hard boiled eggs from Cook’s Illustrated. Not that I really care for hard boiled eggs, but I am trying hard to learn to like or at least tolerate eggs. I can now eat a scrambled egg (just one) without choking. Put some salt, pepper, and cheese on it and it’s really not half bad.

    Anyway, now that Jamie can eat eggs, I think he might like them hard-boiled. I want to try this recipe for him.

    We finally got our foolproof boiled egg recipe by tinkering just a little with a technique recommended by the American Egg Board: Start the eggs in cold water, bring the water to a boil, then remove the pan from the heat and let the eggs sit for 15 minutes. Our tests showed that 10 minutes of sitting time was enough; our tasters agreed that these were perfectly cooked eggs.

    MAKES 6 EGGS

    You may double or triple this recipe as long as you use a pot large enough to hold the eggs in a single layer, covered by an inch of water.

    INGREDIENTS

    • 6 large eggs

    INSTRUCTIONS

    1. Place eggs in medium saucepan, cover with 1 inch of water, and bring to boil over high heat. Remove pan from heat, cover, and let sit for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, fill a medium bowl with 1 quart water and 1 tray of ice cubes (or equivalent). Transfer eggs to ice water bath with slotted spoon; let sit 5 minutes. Peel and use as desired.

    FOOLPROOF PEELING

    1. Tap the egg all over against the counter surface, then roll it gently back and forth a few times on the counter.
    2. Begin peeling from the air pocket end. The shell should come off in spiral strips attached to the thin membrane.


  2. Quick Daily Updates, May 2012

    May 25, 2012 :: 10:29 am

    May 25
    “For Douglas’s sake, don’t forget your towel today! 5/25/12 is not just the annual Towel Day to honor the genius of Douglas Adams, but Super Towel Day (5 + 25 + 12 = 42!!!!) A day that won’t recur for another … century, when the cosmic solution to life, the universe, and everything just may be revealed. Why a towel? It is, after all …. “the massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value – you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindbogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you – daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough. Most importantly, a towel has immense psychological value…” So long Douglas, and thanks for all the fish…” — David Brin

    May 23
    After dinner, took a walk with Doc and Jamie in the warm evening air, and got mini slurpees (free!) at the 7-11. Fun family outing!

    I’m reading Bill Bryson’s “A Walk in the Woods,” and now I have a strong desire to take 8 months off work and hike the Appalachian Trail.

    May 22
    Four — count ‘em, four — freelance jobs came in for Doc and I today. When it rains, it pours! (And two more for him and one more for me have come in since then!)

    May 21
    Ohhhhh noooooooo… UT’s commencement program for its public affairs graduates had an error on the cover, calling the school the “Lyndon B. Johnson School of Pubic Affairs.” Talk about the mother of all typos.

    It reminded me of this old Saturday Night Live ad parody, “The Power to Crush the Other Kids.”

    May 18
    So, apparently our 3-1/2 year old knows the difference between a cyclops (guy with one eye), centaur (part horsie, part man), Minotaur (guy with bull head), medusa (lady with snakes instead of hair), and mermaid (lady on top with fish bottom). Mythology FTW!

    While at the park yesterday, Jamie spotted a plant he wasn’t familiar with and said “I should not touch this. Leaves of three, let them be bees in there.”

    May 16
    Bonnie Valant-Spaight – shall we go into business together?

    May 13
    Had a lovely Mother’s Day with my two favorite boys in the whole wide world. Slept in (!!!), coffee and cinnamon rolls on the patio, made chocolate cake, read stories, went out to lunch, played at the park by Christie Elementary (ah, the memories), watched tv during quiet time, I went for a run, made dinner, and a certain someone cooperated with brushing teeth tonight. Oh, and about 1,000 “I love you, Mommy!”s.

    I love that Jamie is raptly watching Fantasia. He really likes the dancing flowers part (sugarplum waltz).

    Jamie’s Chocolate Cake

    This recipe contains no gluten or dairy. It tastes delicious!! So moist and chocolatey. Most people would never know it was missing anything. I adapted it from a brownie recipe at http://www.delightedmomma.com/2012/05/flourless-zucchini-brownies.html

    1 cup almond butter (I used half sunflower butter, half almond butter. You can probably use peanut butter too)
    1/3 cup honey
    2 tablespoons brown sugar
    2 medium/large zucchini
    1/4 cup gluten-free Bisquick baking mix (optional)
    1 egg
    1 teaspoon vanilla
    1 teaspoon baking soda
    1 teaspoon cinnamon
    1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
    1 cup chocolate chips (we used Ghirardelli semi-sweet, which happen to be dairy free)

    Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Liberally grease a 9″x9″ baking pan.

    Combine almond butter, honey, and brown sugar in a large bowl.

    Grate zucchini on a box grater or in a food processor. Then chop the strands finely, into tiny pieces. Pile the pieces into a thick layer of paper towels (or a clean kitchen towel) and wring to get as much liquid out as possible.

    Add zucchini to bowl, along with the remaining ingredients. Stir until combined.

    Pour into the prepared baking pan. Bake for 40-45 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.

    May 11
    Jamie gets to go have some pictures taken of his bones! Yay! (He’s been complaining of hip pain for a few weeks)

    Today’s morning drive music: “Bad” (U2), “Hungry For You (j’aurais Toujours Faim de Toi)” (The Police), “Subterranean Homesick Alien” (Radiohead), “Mining for Gold” (Cowboy Junkies), and “Memories” (Mars Volta).

    May 10
    Nothing like a little Unforgettable Fire to get me through the afternoon.

    May 10
    I’m eating lunch out at a restaurant and “The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway” just came on the music system. What the what?!

    Thank you, Mr. President!

    May 9
    Omg! Dallas people! Have you been outside?! Go! Now!

    May 8
    I am convinced one of the cubicles in my office is built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

    Ohhh…. so sad. :( We will miss you, Maurice Sendak, “author of splendid nightmares.”

    And THIS is why I only check my work email twice a day now. “Frequent email checkers are stressed out, and removing the constant email-checking from a worker’s habits meant more focus and productivity, less stress.”

    May 7
    Is it bad that I felt good about letting someone make a difficult turn in front of me, but then regretted my generosity when I realized she was blabbing away on her cell phone?

    May 5
    Enjoying the Chipotle exhibit at the Arburrito

    May 4
    Got told, “I don’t want you here! I only want Daddy and Bob!” when I met Doc, Jamie and my brother out for lunch today. Ouch.

    May the 4th be with you!

    Perhaps I have had too much coffee this morning. #bouncingoffthewalls

    May 3
    Loved coming home this evening to a Devo dance party. Doc taught Jamieson to pogo.

    Burt’s Bee’s is owned by Clorox. Betcha didn’t know that. I didn’t until I used the “forgot password” link on their site login screen, and got a reset email from the Clorox company. That doesn’t necessarily mean their products aren’t good or that they don’t actually use natural and organic ingredients. I’m just disappointed at discovering, yet again, that giant corporations own the world. At any rate, they are offering a spring sampler kit free with any $30 purchase.

    May 2

    Nothing beats a chocolate almondmilk mustache

    SO CUTE! I love this illustrator (Alain Grée)

    May 1
    The other hallway in our building smells like Mr. Sketch markers.

    HOW have I never had cheesy grits before tonight???! OMG.

    Lovely. Kashi purposely misleads it’s consumers and then blames them for “not understanding.”

     


  3. 15 Thought-Provoking Discussion Questions Every Book Club Should Ask Themselves

    May 24, 2012 :: 8:24 am

    If my friends from high school and I had a book club, this is exactly what it would be like. From jezebel.com.

    15 Thought-Provoking Discussion Questions Every Book Club Should Ask Themselves

    Book clubs can be a wonderful way for like-minded people to get together and share their love of literature. Maybe you’re long out of college and miss the academic pleasure of “talking out” a book, or maybe you’d like to get more insights than reading alone can provide. Or maybe you just want an excuse to drink wine and jabber with girlfriends.

    Some people have suggested that book clubs are a silly, middle class diversion for the kinds of pretentious bourgie women who want to have high mined discussions about books you buy at an airport so you can read it “before you see the movie.” The ever-reliable Daily Mail has some pretty hairy horror stories about a dark underbelly of mutual trade-paperback enjoyment, one populated by “show offs, drunks, and fibbers.”

    To keep your book club on task, and to avoid it devolving into some kind of sycophantic bacchanal of people who buy sweaters on GILT group, try using discussion topics. Many bestsellers come pre-equipped with reader’s guides and discussion questions just for book clubs.

    Here are a few that can be adapted to your book club for its specific needs.

    1. During the sex scenes in the book, did you picture the other people in the book group also having to read the sex scenes and feel sort of weird about it? Why do you think we have so much trouble acknowledging our friends as sexual beings?
    2. Who here owns a TV? Why, or why not?
    3. Several people have noted key differences in structure between the modern bestselling novel and commercially successful classic literature. Who do you think these people are trying to impress? Can we all acknowledge that these people went to Brown so we can move on?
    4. This book has sold several million copies and has been translated into 26 languages. A lot of us are kind of resentful about this. Do you think you could have written this book or something? Do you think writing a book is easy?
    5. Jane Austen was one of the first authors to examine the effects of socioeconomic pressure on personal relationships. What kind of grown woman brings Yellowtail to a book club comprised of professional women? We’re all trying to save money, but what are we, 17-year-olds in a suburban basement?
    6. How come every month when we’re picking our next book, somebody suggests some plodding work of non-fiction? We all liked “Devil in the White CIty” too. But come on, some of us are tax attorneys, most days we don’t want to come home and read about nazis.
    7. Do you think Jonathan Franzen is hot? How is that not a valid question?
    8. How come we’re all like, no, “The Hunger Games” is a kid’s book but Borges writes about an enchanted library and it’s “magical realism?”
    9. Compare and contrast the different relationships between the main characters and their parents. Or, if that feels boring, maybe talk about something personal. Like, maybe, how many times a week do you and your boyfriend have sex? Just spitballing.
    10. What foods or beverages did you spill on the book during the course of reading it? Anything good?
    11. How come authors are always wearing black turtlenecks in their flap jacket photos? Do you think there’s like, one book jacket photographer out there and he’s like, “Oh, for the shoot tomorrow, could you wear a black turtleneck?” What would you wear in your author photo? No, money’s no object. Go nuts!
    12. A lot of book groups have a theme snack. Like, if they read Eudora Welty, everybody will bring like, grits or sweet tea or something. Is that lame?
    13. Do you think it signifies a lack of imagination to picture characters as popular film and television actors? Sometimes there are a lot of characters to keep track of, or you’re really tired from a long day of tax law, and can’t picture one in your head so you just go, “Okay, Sir James is Tom Hardy.” And then later when they describe Sir James as tall, with flaxen hair, aren’t you like “Noooooo, ignoring! Tom Hardy” ?
    14. I hated “The Kite Runner.” Did you hate “The Kite Runner?” Is there more wine?
    15. We all almost came to a consensus for next month’s book with “Anna Karenina,” but some of us said we “read it already.” Is it possible that some of us lied because we just don’t want to read it? Who was your favorite character in “Anna Karenina?” Oh, really? What was “Vladimir”‘s last name? It’s okay, we’ll wait.

  4. Potty-trained!

    May 6, 2012 :: 8:00 pm

    I think that we can safely declare now that Jamieson is fully potty trained! Except at night, of course, but I know that usually comes later.

    This is such a huge relief. We’ve been working on it for probably 18 months. He showed interest early on but then, maddeningly, completely abandoned that interest for a long long while.

    The key with Jamie, as usual, is to not push him and let him decide for himself when he’s ready. So we kept asking and encouraging, but not forcing. None of that “potty train your kid in one day!” crap. I can’t even imagine making him sit on the pot for hours on end until he went. I guess it works for some kids; definitely not this one.

    He’s been urinating on the toilet most of the time since early March, and then “doing number two,” as they say, since the very end of March.

    Now if only we could figure out how to get him to consistently pull up his undies and pants afterwards. He’d much rather run around in just his shirt.


  5. Crochetty

    April 10, 2012 :: 9:39 pm

    I want to learn to crochet. This struck me at exactly 7:38 tonight when I saw this lovely thing on Pinterest. Now I have a burning desire to carry around yarn and crochet needles in my handbag, idly making flowers in my spare time (as if I had any of that).

    Anyone have any good crochet resources? I had beginner knitting experience like 30 years ago, but no crochet experience at all. Also, I am impatient. I want to dive right into making those flowers.

     


  6. Jamie at 3-1/4

    March 25, 2012 :: 8:51 pm

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  7. A Doctor on Transvaginal Ultrasounds

    March 20, 2012 :: 9:35 pm

    Guest Post: A Doctor on Transvaginal Ultrasounds

    MARCH 20, 2012 BY  380 COMMENTS

    A friend of mine is a physician who wants to speak about transvaginal ultrasounds but whose position makes it precarious to speak publicly about it. So I’m letting this doctor borrow my site for an entry to speak anonymously on the matter. Obviously, I will vouch for the doctor being a doctor and being qualified to speak on the subject.

    Update, 9:14pm: This post is being linked to far and wide, so we’re getting lots of new readers and commenters. It’s important that before you comment you read the site disclaimer and comment policy. I delete comments I find particularly stupid. Try not to write one of them.

    Where Is The Physician Outrage?

    Right. Here.

    I’m speaking, of course, about the required-transvaginal-ultrasound thing that seems to be the flavor-of-the-month in politics.

    I do not care what your personal politics are. I think we can all agree that my right to swing my fist ends where your face begins.

    I do not feel that it is reactionary or even inaccurate to describe an unwanted, non-indicated transvaginal ultrasound as “rape”. If I insert ANY object into ANY orifice without informed consent, it is rape. And coercion of any kind negates consent, informed or otherwise.

    In all of the discussion and all of the outrage and all of the Doonesbury comics, I find it interesting that we physicians are relatively silent.

    After all, it’s our hands that will supposedly be used to insert medical equipment (tools of HEALING, for the sake of all that is good and holy) into the vaginas of coerced women.

    Fellow physicians, once again we are being used as tools to screw people over. This time, it’s the politicians who want to use us to implement their morally reprehensible legislation. They want to use our ultrasound machines to invade women’s bodies, and they want our hands to be at the controls. Coerced and invaded women, you have a problem with that? Blame us evil doctors. We are such deliciously silent scapegoats.

    It is our responsibility, as always, to protect our patients from things that would harm them. Therefore, as physicians, it is our duty to refuse to perform a medical procedure that is not medically indicated. Any medical procedure. Whatever the pseudo-justification.

    It’s time for a little old-fashioned civil disobedience.

    Here are a few steps we can take as physicians to protect our patients from legislation such as this.

    1) Just don’t comply. No matter how much our autonomy as physicians has been eroded, we still have control of what our hands do and do not do with a transvaginal ultrasound wand. If this legislation is completely ignored by the people who are supposed to implement it, it will soon be worth less than the paper it is written on.

    2) Reinforce patient autonomy. It does not matter what a politician says. A woman is in charge of determining what does and what does not go into her body. If she WANTS a transvaginal ultrasound, fine. If it’s medically indicated, fine… have that discussion with her. We have informed consent for a reason. If she has to be forced to get a transvaginal ultrasound through coercion or overly impassioned argument or implied threats of withdrawal of care, that is NOT FINE.

    Our position is to recommend medically-indicated tests and treatments that have a favorable benefit-to-harm ratio… and it is up to the patient to decide what she will and will not allow. Period. Politicians do not have any role in this process. NO ONE has a role in this process but the patient and her physician. If anyone tries to get in the way of that, it is our duty to run interference.

    3) If you are forced to document a non-indicated transvaginal ultrasound because of this legislation, document that the patient refused the procedure or that it was not medically indicated. (Because both of those are true.) Hell, document that you attempted but the patient kicked you in the nose, if you have to.

    4) If you are forced to enter an image of the ultrasound itself into the patient chart, ultrasound the bedsheets and enter that picture with a comment of “poor acoustic window”. If you’re really gutsy, enter a comment of “poor acoustic window…plus, I’m not a rapist.” (I was going to propose repeatedly entering a single identical image in affected patient’s charts nationwide, as a recognizable visual protest…but I don’t have an ultrasound image that I own to the point that I could offer it for that purpose.)

    5) Do anything else you can think of to protect your patients and the integrity of the medical profession. IN THAT ORDER. We already know how vulnerable patients can be; we invisibly protect them on a daily basis from all kinds of dangers inside and outside of the hospital. Their safety is our responsibility, and we practically kill ourselves to ensure it at all costs. But it’s also our responsibility to guard the practice of medicine from people who would hijack our tools of healing for their own political or monetary gain.

    In recent years, we have been abject failures in this responsibility, and untold numbers of people have gleefully taken advantage of that. Silently allowing a politician to manipulate our medical decision-making for the purposes of an ideological goal erodes any tiny scrap of trust we might have left.

    It comes down to this: When the community has failed a patient by voting an ideologue into office…When the ideologue has failed the patient by writing legislation in his own interest instead of in the patient’s…When the legislative system has failed the patient by allowing the legislation to be considered… When the government has failed the patient by allowing something like this to be signed into law… We as physicians cannot and must not fail our patients by ducking our heads and meekly doing as we’re told.

    Because we are their last line of defense.


  8. New siding, new paint, new water heater

    February 20, 2012 :: 10:03 pm

    The new siding and paint on our house is finally complete, as of today! I’m so glad that it’s done! I adore rain, but it seems like we couldn’t get a stretch of two sunny days in a row for the past month, where they could actually come out and paint. The house looks brand spankin’ new (at least from the outside, haha) and puts our neighbors to shame. Not that that was our intent! The house color is almost the same as it was before —  a lovely deep rich red – but we changed the trim from early-90s-era faded forest green to a dark olive color.

    The deck also got a fresh coat of paint (red like the house). So did the garage door, front door, back door, and kitchen door (pale cream).

    I’m just trying to ignore how much it cost. It had to be done… no way around it.

    We still need to get two sets of shutters for the front windows. I think we’ll paint and install those ourselves to save labor costs.

    Saturday morning we noticed that the carpet in the living room was… wet. And stinky like bath towels that have gone sour. It turns out that our water heater, in the garage on the other side of the living room wall, had gone kaputt and leaked voluminous quantities of water through the wall.

    Doc turned off the cold water supply to it, which is where he had traced the leak to. He also turned off the gas, drained the tank, and suctioned the standing water out of the closet. We thought maybe we just needed to replace a washer or gasket in the supply line, but in fact, the tank had failed. Who knew that those units have a lifespan of something less than 12 years? Now we do.

    We had no hot water all weekend. O! The horror! (See me complain about my first-world problem, there?)

    So we got a new tank installed today. The installer also brought the tank and closet up to code (i.e. installed a drain pan with a drain to the outside wall of the house — smart thinking, those code guys!).

    I am looking forward to a hot shower in the morning. Today I left the house early, went to the gym at work and washed my hair there. Ick – it’s a fairly new building but those showers are pretty gross. Hope I don’t have to do that again.

    (As a side note, I had about 10 minutes to spare when I arrived at the gym so I ran 1/2 mile around the indoor track… and pulled the same ligament or tendon in my left hip that had JUST healed up. GRRR.)

    Anyway, now we just have to deal with drying out and destinkifying the carpet. Thank goodness we purchased a steam vacuum last year – that’s going to help tremendously.


  9. Tub And Shower Magic Recipe

    February 8, 2012 :: 9:40 pm

    Must try this. I hate using chemicals to clean. Maybe this weekend I will whip up batches of homemade nontoxic cleaner, clearly label the bottles as “kitchen cleaner,” “bathroom cleaner,” etc. (for our and our monthly housecleaner’s reference), and distribute them throughout the necessary rooms in our house.

    12 ounces white vinegar
    12 ounces liquid, blue dawn detergent

    Directions:

    Heat vinegar in microwave until hot and pour into squirt bottle.

    Add the Dawn soap. Put the lid on and gently shake to incorporate.

    You now have a powerful cleaning product that will melt soap scum and tub and shower buildup, clean sinks, appliances and just about anything. Just spray it on, scrub, rinse and be amazed. For tough soap scum build-up, spray the mixture on and allow it to sit as long as overnight. Then, scrub and rinse.

    via Tub And Shower Magic Recipe – Food.com – 434275.


  10. Egg challenge

    :: 4:00 pm

    Jamie’s egg-allergy test this morning went well — no anaphylactic reactions, as expected. He’s tentatively cleared to eat eggs, although we will wait a week or two and see if he develops eczema flareups or intestinal distress.

    We sat in an exam room for four hours this morning. I was expecting the worst (extra energetic 3 year old cooped up in a tiny room where he can’t touch anything? AWESOME.) He behaved remarkably well, though. At all previous doctors’ appointments since he learned to walk, his main focus has been attempting to leave the room. This time, he didn’t try to open the door, not even once during the whole four hours. For distraction purposes, we brought a supply of books and toys as well as the iPad, and they had a small TV and VCR in the room with some kids’ movies.

    (We had to explain to Jamie what a VHS cassette was.  I am so old.)

    He drank four rounds of increasing amounts of egg white powder dissolved in Koolaid. He had to be bribed/coerced into drinking the last three rounds, but for all of it, he showed no immediate signs of allergy. They told us we were “in the clear” and even wrote “Congratulations! You may begin enjoying eggs” on his exam checkout sheet. That is misleading, though, since he has never shown any immediate allergic reactions to the things he’s sensitive to. His particular manifestations of his sensitivities are eczema and intestinal distress, and that tends to show up a few days to a few weeks after the fact. I’m not convinced that eggs won’t affect him. We’ll just need to wait and see.


  11. Don’t be hatin’!

    February 7, 2012 :: 9:54 pm

    On the way home from work tonight, I drove behind a car that had a lot of ENORMOUS text decals on its back window. I am assuming that these are lyrics from a song. I am not familiar with said song.

    Here’s what it said:

    DON’T BE HATIN’
    GOD IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN JUDGE ME

    I’M
    GETTIN’
    $ MONEY $

    And then, the pièce de résistance: Adorning both the right and left sides of the window were decals of that mischievous imp Calvin, peeing on the word “HATIN’”.

    Nice, eh?


  12. I don’t roll on Shabbas

    February 5, 2012 :: 9:15 pm

    We were rudely awoken at 12:30 Friday night/Saturday morning by the sound of gunshots. That’s always awesome to hear. It sounded like someone had a gun in a car and was firing as they went along. No idea if they were firing up in the air or at people/things. I called 911. I know there is a slim to none chance that this person or people would be caught, but at least it lets the police know that stuff like this is going on in this neighborhood. I had so much adrenaline in my system that it took me about an hour and a half to get back to sleep.

    Saturday I didn’t get much accomplished save grocery shopping and having the Prius’ tire pressure adjusted (I suppose that’s better than nothing).

    Today, we took a trip to the hardware store, discovered that replacement bathtub drain levers are inexpensive but cheaply made and available only in shiny chrome finish (thanks but no thanks), and found some heavy duty storage bins and new doorstoppers.

    This afternoon, I replaced the electrical outlet by my bed with an adapter that gives me six outlets (no more extension cord tangle by the bed). I also began — and am about to go finish — the process of reducing the tangle of cables in our and Jamie’s bedroom closets by running the existing CAT6 cable from the attic into an ethernet outlet. Sounds fancy, doesn’t it? I think Doc could do this stuff in his sleep but I wanted to attempt to tackle a home improvement project myself, and this one seemed fairly straightforward.

    I’m not even going to describe the myriad of problems I ran into. Suffice it to say, I am now quite familiar with our house’s internal structure, and also am completely comfortable traipsing around in our unfinished attic (unfounded fear, conquered!). Who knew that ceiling studs are only 18″ apart and easy to walk on? Anyway, I now need to install the box and faceplate on the wall and then patch up the… um… numerous holes I made in the ceiling and wall. Spackle FTW!

    Doc taught Jamie to say a new phrase, so now his response when we say, “Jamie, we have a league game next Saturday!” is “Dude. I don’t roll on Shabbas.”