We just returned from a two week vacation to the Pacific Northwest. We stayed with my parents most of the time, except for two days near Portland, Oregon (all five of us went) and two days in Victoria, BC (just me and Doc). My brother Bob came in from Boston for four days, and I actually got to see my ever-elusive brother Mike one afternoon.

Vacationing with a nine month old is wonderful and exhausting.

The weather was cool, sometimes rainy, sometimes crisp and sunny. I had to go buy a pair of fuzzy socks to keep my feet warm at night. We lit a fire in the soapstone stove one night, and had a wienie roast (and s’mores!) by the fire pit another night.

It was absolutely marvelous to have two extra adults to help keep Jamieson entertained. He seemed to hit some developmental milestones while at Gramma and Grandpa’s (more about that in another post). Jamie had a tough time adjusting to the time change and for the first several days he was awake and ready to begin his day by 4 a.m. or before. My mom saved my sanity by letting me wake her then to take Jamieson so that I could go back to bed for a few more hours. He got a tooth while we were there (his top left front tooth) so there were quite a few dicey days and nights.

Jamie was the best-behaved baby on the plane, both on the way there and the way back. He slept for about half of each flight. He was hard to handle the rest of the time but Doc and I are experts at it by now and I think other passengers noticed and appreciated how hard we were working to keep him calm and quiet; several of them mentioned to us how well-behaved he was.

Doc and I spent our first significant amount of time away from Jamie. We’d only ever been apart from him for a few hours at a time before, so last weekend my parents babysat while we went to Victoria, BC for about two days. We missed Jamie, but it was also wonderful to have a little break, to sleep in, to not get up in the night, to do what we wanted when we wanted. Actually I hadn’t realized how much we probably NEEDED that time by ourselves until we did it. I think that all new parents (and old ones too!) need to get away from the kids on a regular basis. It’s good for the marriage and your sanity. And I think it’s good for the kids, too.

Here are a few photos from the trip:

Jamie has both of his bottom front teeth. They’re maybe halfway in now. So cute!

He’s also saying “da” and “dada” and “dadadadadadadada” consistently, and throwing in a few new consonant sounds here and there for good measure. “Ba” and “Ta” pop up often. Every night after his bath, we look at the water going down the drain and say “bye bye, water!” Last night I swear he said something that sounded like “Ba Ba Wa.” I’m sure it was just a coincidence, and that my mommy ears hearing what they want to hear.

He’s doing well with solid food. On the menu are:

• Yellow squash (his favorite) — or as Doc calls it, “squish!”
• Green peas (another fave)
• Green beans
• Applesauce
• Avocado
• Yams
• Carrots (he might be sensitive to these)
• Bananas (he developed a bright red rash on one side of his face after eating bananas… allergy?)
• Rice cereal
• Grapes (frozen)
• Prune juice
• Apple juice

He is pulling up all the time now. In his play yard, in his crib, on chairs and tables. Just today we saw him take a few steps sideways, which is what I think they call “cruising.” He isn’t very good at sitting down from a standing position, yet. He gets stuck standing up and gets frustrated. We are now shopping for a new coffee table that has drawers in it, since he can now pull up and grab the remote control, magazines, salt shaker, etc.

Has learned to crawl in the classic style. His usual pattern is to classic-crawl for a few seconds, then do a beautiful downward dog yoga pose, then sit. Wash, rinse, repeat. SUPER CUTE.

The past few days have been decidedly on the fussy side. Another tooth? We don’t feel any coming in but you never know. He’s also been more tired than usual and he has that blotchy rash on his face, which we have been attributing to the banana that he ate immediately before it developed. I’m going to call the doctor in the morning just to rule out any illnesses.

Last Saturday was fun. Kathryn came over and we went to the Farmer’s Market, then to lunch, and then hung out at the house for a while. Jamie had a pretty good day, which was nice, because it has seemed lately that every time we socialize with our friends, he is tired and/or cranky.

Yesterday evening I took Jamie to the splashpark again. We had a great time! He’s getting a little bolder and so we ventured beyond the tiny fountains at the edge of the play area. He especially liked being swung through some of the larger fountains – he giggled and squealed like crazy.

Currently we are planning vacations to Wichita and Washington, to see both sides of the family. I’m excited about seeing family, having some extra hands to help with the baby, and getting out of Texas for a while.

I’m going to yoga again to try to get back in shape. I’m tired of wearing 2 sizes above my previous wardrobe, and tired of the spare tire around my middle and the extra fat on my upper arms and back. I know it’ll go away, albeit more slowly than I’d like, but yoga will help with that.

I think my hormones are pretty close to normal again, FINALLY. I’m really feeling a lot more like myself again, and it’s been nearly two years since I’ve felt  that way. I’m especially glad that the scattered fuzzybrained feeling I had during pregnancy and the consequent sleep deprivation of Jamie’s early infancy has mostly subsided. I think I can actually pick up a book and read now without losing focus and interest after a few minutes. I’ll start by rereading an old favorite or two, then move on to the stack of new stuff that awaits me. Yay, books!

Sadly, my blog posting is taking a hit lately. It isn’t that I don’t want to, or that I have nothing to say; it’s just that all my free time is taken up either with taking care of Jamieson, working, sleeping, doing chores, or spending quality time with Doc. It’s hard to find an hour or two where I’m actually in the mood to write, AND have the time to do it.

I hope to be able to find more time and energy to write as the weeks go on.

Anyway, here is what’s been going on during the last month.

The last part of May and first part of June pretty much sucked. Doc was sick with a bad chest and head cold, then I was sick with the stomach flu and exhaustion, then Jamie got the cold, then I got the cold. Luckily, Jamie had gotten the stomach bug earlier in the month, and Doc didn’t get it at all. I went to Kathryn and Brett’s Memorial Day cookout, but probably shouldn’t have, and we missed Valerie’s birthday dinner altogether. My doctor tried me on several different medications in an attempt to alleviate my exhaustion and feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious, but the side effects made me feel even MORE sick to my stomach and also plagued me with insomnia, both at night and while trying to nap. Shortly thereafter, I came to the conclusion that actually getting sleep would make me feel better a lot faster than trying to fool my brain into being happy, so I stopped taking it.

The weeks since have kind of been a blur. I definitely have been feeling better, probably largely due to the fact that I’ve been sleeping for one long stretch most nights. When I think back to just a few months ago, when I was lucky to get 3 or 4 hours of sleep in a row, this seems like an impossible dream!

We changed up our night feeding schedule. Doc does the first feeding (usually; if I’m still up I will do it sometimes) and the second feeding, and then I get up in the morning with Jamie. He’s usually up some time between 5 and 6:30 a.m., usually closer to 5. Although recently he’s taken to not really going back to sleep after his second feeding, which is kinda messing things up. We hope that he’s just starting to change up his own nocturnal schedule towards sleeping through the night.

Jamie turned six months old on June 8. Doc and I bought him some presents, and Grandma sent some too. We had some pretty intense storms blow through in early June, including some tornadoes nearby. Our power went out about 10 a.m. one morning after massive amounts of rain, and was out until nearly 11 that night. The house heated up quickly; Doc and Jamie went to the mall to cool down in the afternoon, and then we went out to dinner and ran some errands in the evening. The power came back on as we washed baby bottles by candlelight. The stoplight at our corner blinked red for almost a week before they fixed it.

We continue to try to get Jamie’s digestive issues fixed. He’s been on Nutramigen AA formula for about a month now. It costs $155 for a week’s supply. No, that is not a typo. We’ve been lucky enough to get a few samples from our gastroenterologist’s office as well as a couple of shipments from Dr. Debbie. I’m not sure that it’s really making that much of a difference for him, to be honest. Doc has observed that when he’s relaxed, he seems more relaxed now but when he’s fussy, he seems more fussy. More peaks and valleys, in otherwords, whereas on the regular Nutramigen he seemed fairly consistent with a low-grade fussiness. He has learned to accept the taste of it but he really didn’t like it at first. We think it doesn’t stick to his ribs as well as regular formula. It does seem thinner and more watery, like skim milk. He certainly continues to put on weight, but he’s not as satisfied with it.

We are going to a new pediatrician now. Our first pedi just wasn’t a good fit. I don’t think she ever really believed that there was anything wrong with Jamie. She once called him “high strung,” as if it was a personality issue that was causing his constant activity, crying, pain, and crankiness. She suggested that we just run the vacuum cleaner in his room all night, since constant loud noise often was the only way we could get him to sleep. Her bottom line with us was that he was gaining weight and thriving, so he was fine (and she repeated this to us at every visit). I know she thought that we were overreacting and exaggerating. It was as if she would prefer that Jamie just outgrow whatever was going on with him, rather than work with us to try to get him help. He may be gaining weight and growing properly, but there’s a whole quality of life issue that she was completely ignoring.

In fact, we finally went to the gastroenterologist (Dr. Annette Whitney) completely on our own, not because of any suggestion of the pediatrician’s. And Dr. Whitney knew what was wrong immediately, since milk and soy protein sensitivity is one of the most common infant food allergies. You’d think that the pediatrician might have picked up on this and at least suggested it to us as a possibility, but she never did.

Anyway, we really like our new pediatrician, Dr. Michael Brown. He’s personable and seemed to truly understand what we’ve been going through with Jamie, and he wants to help us get him feeling better. We’ve only been in to see him once, but so far I am pleased.

Dr. Brown prescribed a steroid cream for Jamie’s torso rash/eczema, and within a week the rash was completely gone. Poor baby isn’t scratching at his own skin all night and day now. I think that has really helped him to feel better overall.

He’s drinking prune juice (mixed with water), which smells like ass (and Doc confirms that it tastes disgusting too). But Jamie seems to like it just fine! And it’s helping keep him regular.

We started him on rice cereal, AGAIN. This is the third time, and the third brand we’ve tried. And at last! Success!! Healthy Times Organic Brown Rice Cereal does not give him 48 hours of intestinal cramping like the previous brands we tried. It says “NO SOY” right on the box in big letters. I suspect soy may be a bigger issue for him than dairy, because of his reactions to the other cereals, both of which contained soy (one from Vitamin E in an undeclared form; Earth’s Best Organic Brown Rice Cereal, I’m talking to you! Please label your cereal as NOT SOY FREE!). And of course, it’s twice as expensive as regular rice cereal, and only available at Whole Foods. Sigh.

He’s really getting the hang of eating from a spoon, and he seems to like the cereal. He’s figured out (mostly) that the spoon goes on TOP of his tongue, not underneath. When he’s cooperative, he doesn’t really even make much of a mess. We are usually giving some to him in the morning and the evening. We’ll be able to try a pureed fruit or vegetable in another week or so, I think, with guidance from Dr. Whitney.

She had us bring Jamie in for a barium enema, which was about as fun as it sounds. They filled his lower intestine with barium liquid and took x-rays of his little guts, and although they didn’t see anything immediately wrong, they found it really interesting (and so did we) that it took him about 30 minutes and a feeding to “expel” the barium. Most babies get rid of it immediately and forcefully. Not so Jamieson. We heard today that the results came back normal. I have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, I am really glad that there isn’t anything seriously wrong with him. On the other hand, if they had found something, it would have at least been an answer and we could have been on the road to getting it fixed. Mostly I’m thrilled that the tests were normal, though.

So now we wait, and keep searching for answers.

We had a nice father’s day. Jamie did a drawing for Doc with giant crayons — his first artwork! I framed it in a special frame that opens with a magnet and allows you to swap out artwork whenever you please. He also got another Bluebird of Happiness for the bedroom. Then we all went out to lunch at Picasso’s Pizza, and later went shopping at Fry’s. For dinner we grilled bacon-wrapped filet mignons (Mom’s gift to Doc) and had rice pilaf, salad, and wine. A good day.

We finally unplugged from spoon-fed entertainment… we cancelled our cable and Tivo service! I have had some form of cable television since I was about 11 years old, save for the three years I lived in the dorms at college. And you know what? I don’t miss it one bit. Since all stations are now required to provide local over-the-air programming for free in digital, we bought a converter box and antenna for the upstairs TV, and an eyeTV and antenna for the downstairs TV. Upstairs, I just watch whatever’s on if I am interested (which is rare), and downstairs, they eyeTV streams the over-the-air HD and digital content to the mac mini and into the TV. The mini works as a DVR, and we also are using Boxee (although now are moving to Plex, which just works better), Netflix instant streaming, Hulu desktop, iTunes, etc. etc. Almost anything that we used to get through cable and record on the Tivos, we either watch through the good ol’ Interwebs or record it using the eyeTV and the mini. There was an initial cost to get all the equipment, but the amount that we’ll save each month on cable and Tivo bills will make up for all that in just a little over a year. Doc did a ton of research and spent hours and hours trying to find the simplest and most elegant solution for us, and he really did a fantastic job!

I’ll have to post more later. I’m tired now and want to get this out to the teeming millions (a.k.a. my two readers, who may very well have given up on me now that I’m only posting once every few weeks)…

I had a couple of strange dreams the other night.

In one, I was having dinner with my parents, Doc, my dad’s brother whom I have not seen since I was a young teenager, and two people from my office, among other guests, at my parents’ old house in Plano. The kitchen was dark and lit with candles and little brass lanterns, and the table was a large square dark wood table, with placemats and dinnerware in beautiful earth tones and rich reds.

Mom was, not entirely of her own volition but at the suggestion of one of the dinner guests, cooking an authentic Central or South American meal for us. She brought around little tiny shot glasses shaped like the bowls of martini glasses, and gave each of us three of them containing different authentic cocktails. It was a gorgeous presentation.

And then in the center of the table, she set down a small bowl containing the plucked and bloody carcasses of two small birds. She had an exacto knife and said that, in keeping with cultural tradition, she had to perform an augury before the meal. An augury, if you recall from studying classic literature, is a ceremony where a priest or augur examines the entrails of sacrificed birds or other animals in order to predict the future. I was horrified; clearly my mom did not want to do this but felt forced to. I got up from the table and said that I couldn’t take this and had to leave. I went into my dad’s study to lie down on the carpet until the animal sacrifice part was over. I fully expected that someone would come get me when dinner began, but I guess I fell asleep or something because next thing I knew, my mom woke me up. I went into the kitchen and all the guests were gone and the table cleared off.

In another dream, I had to go back to high school for a year, and I went to live with my parents so that I could attend the school in their area. I got up the first morning, looked in the mirror and realized that I was very thin. I was wearing a short skirt that I kept pulling down because I knew Mom wouldn’t let me out of the house wearing it if she realized how short it really was (but it was FASHIONABLE!). I fumbled around trying to get a lunch together and find something to eat for breakfast. The only thing in my parents’ refrigerator that I could find to eat was a tortilla. All their cheeses and meats were left unwrapped and sitting out on the shelf, drying out and crusting over.

Whoever was driving me to school arrived, and I had to get down the stairs to the basement/garage, but the stairs were unbelievably steep and completely covered with knickknacks of every sort. I was afraid I’d step on something or fall. Somehow I made it downstairs and to school.

The school seemed to only have valet parking. The building itself, both inside and out, was made of a beautiful dark mahogany wood, with little brass lanterns everywhere. It looked like a law office or something. I couldn’t figure out which area of the building my first class was in, since things were marked very poorly. I ended up late to the first class. Lunch was my second period of the day, and I was shocked to realize that they expected me to eat lunch at 10 in the morning. I didn’t know what to do with the lunch I’d brought, as it appeared to be a plastic grocery sack full of frozen vegetables. One of my classmates told me that I could store it in the large freezer in the lunchroom, as everyone had their own space there.

I think that I decided I didn’t want to go to school anymore, because part way through the day I went into a storage area in one of the hallways, opened a large sliding door, and fetched my mahogany ladder with brass pins. Someone had dismantled it for storage, so I had to put it back together. I needed the ladder in order to get my car keys. Outside the school, in the valet parking area, was an enormous magazine rack, the height of the school. It contained giant magazines, and all the car keys were hung at the very top. This is why I needed the ladder. Kids without ladders often made a game of trying to sneak past the valets and climb the rack to get their own keys. The valets were more like police officers, actually; you definitely were not supposed to do this.

I was on the front lawn of the school and I watched as Valerie came out, looked around sneakily for valets, and began to scale the magazine rack. But she wasn’t going after car keys; she simply wanted a copy of Fortune magazine because her picture was on the cover! Sadly, she got caught by the valet cops and handcuffed. And that’s when I woke up.

In yet another dream, I dreamed that Jamie spoke his first word: “probably.” I looked at him and said, “Did you just say something?” He put his hands on my face, pulled me in close like he does when he is giving a kiss, and said, “Pwobabwy, mommy!”

May 26

How do two sick parents manage to care for a demanding 6 month old, all without getting him sick too?! It’s a daunting task. I miss living near family sometimes :( Thanks to Auntie Rachel for pitching in to help us get some rest today.
Doc and I have been sick for the past week or so, he with a nasty head and chest cold, and me with some sort of stomach virus. We’re both feeling better now, him moreso than me. But it was pretty tough for a while. I sure miss my mom. I’m thinking more and more lately about packing up and moving to live closer to them. It would be crazy to leave a good job and try to sell a house, considering the current state of the economy. But what once seemed like a far off “some day” kind of dreamy possibility, now seems much more real.

May 24

I feel like crap. Exhausted from baby. Can’t sleep. Can’t eat. But I’m trying SO hard…
The weekend consisted of nausea, vomiting, dehydration, exhaustion, inability to eat, inability to sleep when I did get a chance, trying to entertain the baby when I didn’t have any energy reserves, and trying to prevent him from getting Doc’s cold. Unfortunately, he does seem to have an occasional low grade fever and a little cough now, but nothing too major.

May 22

I hate hate HATE dealing with the medical insurance industry.
We are about to engage in battle with Blue Cross in an attempt to get them to cover Jamie’s Nutramigen AA formula, which is unbelievably expensive. The cheapest we’ve been able to find it will cost us about $25-$35 per DAY. It is a medical necessity due to his food sensitivities, and some states do require insurance companies to cover elemental formulas for babies with severe allergies. Texas is, of course, not one of them. Wish us luck.

May 21

I am glad my son is feeling lots better most of the time, but wishes that he wouldn’t fight sleep with every fiber of his being.
He just hates going to sleep. He hates staying asleep. And he’s really good at not sleeping for very long at a stretch. This is getting so tiring.

May 18

I am trapped beneath a sleeping baby in my office…
Jamie came to visit me for a couple of hours while Doc went to a doctor appointment. It was nice.

May 17

I was born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia.
We went with Rich and  Angela to the King Tut exhibit at the Dallas Museum of Art. It was closing weekend, and crowded beyond belief. The exhibit was really neat, and we enjoyed the company and subsequent dinner at Ziziki’s.

May 12

I miss my mom already, but look forward to days of smooth sailing. We all deserve it.
Mom left for home this morning. I miss her a lot. Sadly, the ’smooth sailing’ part hasn’t quite happened yet, but we’re working on it.

May 10

I am confused by the new movie “Rise of the Lichens.”
Yes, I know it’s “lycans.” I just like to imagine a film about strange symbiotic plant-animals rebelling against their oppressors.

My first Mother’s Day! It felt a little odd to be the one being celebrated today. I’ve never done this before! And I guess part of me feels like I haven’t earned my mothering stripes yet. Which is silly after all we’ve been through this year. I am most definitely a mommy!

I got a present from Jamieson: a stack of books that I can read to him! They are all about babies and mommies, like “Does A Kangaroo  Have A Mother, Too?” by Eric Carle, “Is Your Mama a Llama?” by Deborah Guarino and Steven Kellogg, and “Yes Yes No No” by Leslie Patricelli. I can’t wait for storytime tomorrow night! (He was too tired to have a story after his bath today).

Doc surprised me with a picnic breakfast on the patio! All my favorite breakfast foods: bagels, cream cheese, fruit, bacon, muffins, and juice. And a beautiful bouquet of deep red-orange lilies. The weather was cool and drizzly — just perfect for a picnic with my husband and baby and my mom!

And Mom gave me a very sweet card and a locket with photos of Doc and Jamieson inside! The locket came from my great-grandfather’s house, so it probably belonged to either my great- or great-great grandmother. It’s absolutely beautiful, an interesting ornate design that’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before.

I got to spend all day with Jamie today, playing and napping and having fun. We took a nice walk, and baked a chocolate zucchini cake, and he took four (count ‘em, FOUR) nice long naps today.

And for dinner, we ordered in pizza from my favorite pizza place, Picasso’s. I also had a spinach salad for the first time in like three weeks. And for dessert, homemade chocolate cake and Blue Bell ice cream!

It was a great day. I love my family! :)

Last Monday, we began feeding Jamieson one bottle of formula per day.

See how the title of my post is a pun? Ha!

Yeah. The thing is, I’m really having mixed feelings about this. I am trying, as a parent, not to be too dogmatic about sticking to ideals when perhaps in reality a modification is called for. And it was definitely the best decision, even though it’s not what I would have chosen to do in an ideal world.

I breastfed Jamieson exclusively for the first twelve weeks of his life. Breastmilk was the only thing that went past his lips (except for acid-reducing medication, gripe water, Mylicon gas drops, and once, some of his own pee because we weren’t quick enough to catch it on the changing table). I know just how good breastmilk is for him. It’s nature’s perfect baby food, with ideal nutritional and immunological properties. And I know that I’m lucky to be able to breastfeed him — some women can’t or don’t for various reasons — but it is damn hard work.

I am also very lucky to have a husband that is so supportive of breastfeeding; he knows how much work it is and how tired it makes me, he tells me often how proud he is of me for taking on this important task, and he reassures me that he is 100% behind any decision that I make regarding Jamie’s feedings. (Why yes, he IS up for Husband of the Year Award!)

I’m not an oversupplier. Some women make tons of milk, more than their babies need, but I am not one of them. I’ve been pumping as often as I can stand it since about week three, and I’ve just never gotten much extra. Jamie drinks probably about 3-1/2 ounces or so from me at each feeding. It has taken me two or three pumping sessions just to get enough for one feeding. Once I go back to work, I am going to have to pump enough each day to feed him the next day; at least four feedings’ worth, and we’ll need to have extra in the freezer just in case. Pumping 16-18 ounces per day began to seem like a daunting task, if not an impossible one. I felt like I was so far behind in building up a frozen supply and that I would never ever be able to catch up.

So we came to the decision to begin giving Jamie one bottle of formula each evening, and at that time I would pump to build up our supply. Doc has been in charge of the bottle feedings, and has done a beautiful job of coming up with the plan for how we would handle these feedings, mixing and heating the formula, feeding the baby, and cleaning up the equipment. The key is to wake Jamie two hours after his last feeding and give him the bottle while he’s still mostly asleep. That way he doesn’t immediately realize that he’s hungry, that the formula tastes different, that the bottle is not mommy’s nipple, and that the person feeding him is not mommy. Our first attempt wasn’t as successful as we had hoped, because he was awake enough to notice all those factors and he got mighty upset about it. Now, though, he seems totally fine with Doc giving him a bottle. This is good because I go back to work in a week and he’ll then have to drink from a bottle all day long.

We’re giving him a variety of formula that is easy on the tummy for fussy or gassy babies. I made the mistake of looking at the ingredients list, even though Doc warned me not to. The number one ingredient? Corn syrup. Yes indeed, corn syrup. Followed closely by powdered milk and vegetable oil. I was taken aback. And they’re not kidding either; we had a little spillage in the bottle warmer and the stuff caramelized on the hot plate. It smelled like warm caramel. It made me want a sundae. My breastmilk is also sweet (I tasted it once, just to see) so I guess the human body produces sugars and I shouldn’t be that surprised, but I was.

There’s an added benefit to formula: it seems to be helping him sleep better throughout the night. He still wakes every two hours or so to eat (although that may be starting to change, fingers crossed), but he is easier to get back to sleep and seems more rested overall.

As much as I’m trying not to, I can’t help but feel a healthy dose of guilt over this. It’s almost like, if I tried just a LITTLE HARDER, I could make it work without using formula. I know that’s silly, and that this is nothing to be ashamed of. I know that millions of babies are formula-fed (I was) and turn out absolutely fine. I just wanted to do this thing, you know, and now I’m having to admit that I can’t follow through 100% on what I thought I was committing to.

But honestly, this is helping my sanity. And I think that’s worth it right there, for Jamie to have a mommy that’s a little less tired, a little less stressed.

I truly enjoy breastfeeding. It’s like crack, so addicting, such a huge high, but very very tiring. It’s the one thing that never fails to calm our crying baby. It’s 30 minutes, 10-12 times a day, of a bonding experience that cannot quite be described. Sometimes his eyes are closed the whole time and he’s focused on what he’s doing, and so relaxed that he falls asleep. Sometimes he is awake, and stares up at me with those huge dark blue eyes and breaks into an ENORMOUS ear-to-ear grin, so big that he lets go of the breast! I LOVE being able to do this for him. I LOVE seeing my body work as nature intended it to, creating all the nutrition for another human being. I LOVE  having big boobs. (Sorry, but it’s true! It’s freaking awesome!)

And giving that up just once a day… well, it isn’t that big of a deal. Is it?

Jamieson had his 2-month doctor appointment this past Thursday. It was supposed to have been on Wednesday, but we discovered what happens when you mix one Toyota Prius, an empty gas tank, and two sleep deprived new parents. Note to self: Never ever accidentally let the gas tank run dry. The electric engine only gets you so far.

It was almost comical, actually. I noticed that the “get fuel, you idiot” light was on (as it had been for the last three days) as soon as I started up the car, but since we were running late, decided to fill up after Jamie’s doctor appointment. This, as it turns out, was a bad idea. Halfway there, I realized that I wasn’t getting much acceleration. I’d push on the gas and pretty much nothing happened, unless I was going downhill. The “maintenance required” light on the dash was on, and I thought, great, there is something horribly wrong with the car. Perfect. We have to take it in to the dealer this afternoon. Fantastic. $$$$$$.

About a mile from the doctor’s office, Doc noticed that we had no “bars” on the battery meter on the dashboard display, AND we had no gas. The car gradually slowed to a halt. Luckily, Walnut Hill Lane over White Rock Creek is wide and has a shoulder. At Doc’s urging (because I was confused as to what was happening), I managed to pull the car off the road before it completely died. Jamie was hungry and had begun to cry heartily in the backseat. I climbed in the back and fed him while Doc walked about a mile down the road to a gas station. I hoped that nothing would happen where we would need to call each other since I had forgotten my cell phone. I also hoped that no police officers stopped by, since the car was three months out of inspection. (My plan to get out of that ticket was to cry and explain that I was a new mom and sleep deprived and had completely forgotten about getting the car inspected. No, I have no shame anymore.)

Doc returned with the gas can (my hero!!) and we tried to start up the car again. No luck. And now, all the horrible emergency warning lights on the dash had come on. So we called our roadside assistance and prepared to wait an hour for the tow truck to arrive. I took Jamie in his carrier out of the car and stepped over the guardrail onto the rocks and underbrush to wait (in case the car got hit, it would be safer for us to be not inside of it).

But then — Doc got the car started! I’m still not sure exactly how, but we think he pressed the ignition button twice and that maybe “reset” it. We waited a few minutes for the battery to charge up a bit, then hightailed it to the nearest gas station to fill up. We cancelled the tow truck, the warning lights on the dash began to blink off one by one, and the battery level indicator crept up to normal levels again.

Later that afternoon, at the Toyota place where we got our inspection and oil change done, Doc asked the technician what would, theoretically, happen if the gas tank ran dry and the battery fully depleted. He said that the battery COULD be recharged, but there was only one guy in the region who could do it, and he’d have to be flown in from Houston with his special recharging equipment, and it would take more than 24 hours and cost us more than $2,000. Which, frankly, seems a little far-fetched to me, but the point is that we will NEVER EVER  LET THE GAS TANK RUN DRY AGAIN.

So. Back to the baby. He now weighs 12 pounds 3 ounces and is almost 24 inches long. This means he’s put on 3-1/2 pounds and grown 3-1/2 inches since he was born! I guess my milk is good. The pediatrician thinks that since the Prevacid isn’t working as well as we think it should be, that acid reflux may not be his problem. And she doesn’t think that he’s allergic to milk proteins either, although she wants me to stay off of dairy for another week.

Oh yeah, I’d forgotten to mention before now that I’ve been dairy-free since Thursday, February 5. Jamie’s poop has had a sticky texture (and at least once, it was FOAMY coming out — think cappuccino froth or dish suds); the advice nurse thought it might be a milk allergy and had me go off dairy. If you know me, you know that I love cheese, ice cream, butter, and all things cow in origin. It has been pretty hard for me to eschew milk products completely, but I would do anything to help my baby feel better. What I have found most surprising, though, is that the hardest part of this hasn’t been my cravings for cheese or ice cream — in fact, I haven’t been craving them much at all. The hardest part has been finding things to eat that DON’T include dairy products.

Anyway, the pediatrician thinks that he might just be plain old colicky. Hopefully, he will start to outgrow it in a few weeks.

I think he’s beginning to get his days and night straightened out. When I feed him in the middle of the night, I can usually put him right back down to sleep in his bassinet (after burping, changing, and reswaddling, of course). That doesn’t happen during the day. I have to wonder if part of it is due to our consistent practices in keeping the room dark and quiet at night — no TV, no lights except for a nightlight, no loud talking — and playing the ocean waves.

We are also beginning to try to figure out a plan for building up my milk supply and our frozen milk storage. I go back to work in a month and need to have at least 3 or 4 feedings ready for Jamie, per day.

Thank goodness baby pee is sterile. I’ve lost count of how many times Jamie has winkled on me. I guess this is just what happens when you  have a baby boy. Diaper changing time can be hazardous if you’re not careful.

We have some “pee pee teepees” because we thought that they would help soak up the sudden urine fountains, but they’re so small and they don’t stay on very well when he wiggles around. We gave up trying to use them, and for some reason (sleep deprivation?), we can’t seem to remember to cover him with a cloth while changing him.

Tonight before Jamieson’s bath, Doc was giving him some naked-time on the changing table (he really seems to enjoy being naked), when suddenly: whizzzzz! Doc has quick reflexes and put his hand over the stream, confining it to a small area around the source. He wiped the pee off the wall and changing table, and turned Jamie over for some tummy time. Later we picked him up to take him to the bathtub, and discovered he’d peed again on the changing pad. And then after his bath as I was preparing to put on his diaper, WHIZZZZ! Again. My immediate reaction was to yank my hand back (Doc laughed over this! I have not yet developed the catlike pee-stopping reflexes.). This time Jamieson coated his entire body, including his face. His face!! Covered in pee!! Aaaagh! He seemed surprised by the sudden wettening, but not upset.

Here’s a summary of our date night tonight.

Barbecue restaurant: out of business.
Movie: theatre closed due to “ice storm.” (ha!)
Amount we missed Jamie: LOTS. 
Amount I love being with Doc, no matter the circumstances: LOTS. We had a good laugh over our luck and were thankful that we don’t have to do anything fancy to have fun.

It’s not easy to plan a date when you have a 7 week old infant at home, because you have to optimize the timing of things around his feedings. Also, with a baby, everything takes three times as long as you think it will and is twice as complicated as it should be.

Foiled at both our attempts to eat BBQ and see a movie, we went to Fry’s to get Jamie an iPod dock with speakers for his nursery, so that we can play ocean waves and heartbeat sounds when he’s sleeping. (He does NOT have his own iPod, I promise. We have an older one that we planned to put in his room for that very purpose).

It felt weird being out on our own without Jamie. I really missed him. It was only 2-1/2 hours, but it felt much longer. I only called home once to check on him. I don’t really feel the need to “get away” and have time for myself or alone time with Doc, yet. I’m sure I will come to appreciate  and even crave going out by ourselves once in a while, but right now I don’t really want to be away from Jamie. I’m glad mom offered to babysit, though, because we’re going to eventually have to figure out how to do this sort of thing!

Doc sings the “nom nom” song when it’s time for Jamie to eat. “Nom nom nom, lookin’ for Mom!” Super cute.

Where's my mom?

It is sometimes tiring being the only one who’s able to provide our son with nourishment, but we both feel it’s very important to breastfeed for as long as possible before introducing a bottle. Just to make sure it’s well established… and it’s definitely getting there. It won’t be long before I start pumping and storing breastmilk so that Doc can do a feeding now and again, and then during the days when I go back to work next spring.

The past several days have all kind of started to run together in my head. I can no longer remember how many times I got up in the night to feed Jamie, what times those were, how long it took him to get back to sleep, etc. What time did I wake up in the morning? Did I nap during the day? What did I do all day? No idea sometimes.

We’re beginning to develop patterns. Doc is often awake before me in the mornings, and makes me breakfast when I get up. Tea, bacon or sausage, fruit, and a bagel. I nurse Jamie (nom nom!), hope he goes to sleep, then eat. 

I’m still not quite sure what to do with him when he’s not nursing or sleeping. When he’s crying, it’s time to troubleshoot and figure out what he might need (hungry? diaper change? burp? cold?). When he’s awake and not crying, I guess this is the time when I’m supposed to play with him. But he doesn’t really play yet. He’s not at an age yet where he can be very interactive. So sometimes we just look at each other for a while. I’m sure I’ll start to feel more comfortable with him as he gets older. I already am, in fact.

Last night Doc brought Jamie to me at 1:30 for a feeding, and after he was done, Mom took him for most of the rest of the night. I was able to get a decent amount of sleep inbetween feedings. And this morning, he (and I) slept from about 5 a.m. to 8:30. Three and a half hours in a row! I don’t think he was asleep that entire time, but I was. Mom’s still up now. I’m sure she’s exhausted but we can’t get her to go back to bed.

Doc’s getting maybe 4 hours of sleep every night, which is apparently all he needs. This is really truly actually about the amount he requires; it’s just the way he’s built. But still, I can’t help feeling like the lazy ass in this family. I know, rationally, that we’re both working equally hard now, with breastfeeding (me) and diapering (mostly Doc) and soothing (both of us, I guess, but more Doc from my perspective), but I feel guilty being away from Jamie when he’s awake and I’m off sleeping. Like I should be sharing in the hard work of soothing his crying, instead of abandoning my responsibility to my husband and son.

I guess I still have some inner drive to be Supermom. I know that I can’t though, and it’s not fair to me or Jamie or Doc to try. So the guilt is there, but I go upstairs and take a nap anyway. I know I’ll eventually achieve some sort of balance; it will just take time and practice to get there.

When we took Jamie to the ear nose and throat doctor a week and a half ago (wow, has it really only been that long?), we had to fill out a bunch of paperwork. At the bottom of the page was a line for “signature of parent.” I thought, why does my mom have to sign this form?… Ohhhhhhh…. Wait, that means ME. I am a parent now. It was an interesting feeling.

Thursday we went to the mall for a little while to do some quick Christmas shopping. It was a nice day outside and Doc and Jamieson stayed in a little outdoor courtyard area while I did a bit of shopping. We experienced our first “blowout” dirty diaper. All over me, all over Doc, all over Jamie’s legs and then of course he got his hands in it before I could stop him… all over his outfit, and all over the baby carrier. And in a public place, too. What fun! I think we were a bit overambitious and stayed out too long. Jamie’s normally very calm in the car but he cried the whole way home. I think he just got too tired. So did Doc and I, for that matter.

We watched a video last night about “The 5 S’s”… swaddling, side/stomach position, shushing, swinging, and sucking. This method of soothing actually does seem to have some merit; Jamie does calm down most of the time when we use the 5 S’s. We’ll see if it pans out in the long run.

Status of Mr. Baby: Not yet. Sigh.

Doc and I went for a long walk today at NorthPark Mall. We didn’t do any shopping (are you kidding? It’s the day after Black Friday… just the mall walkways were crowded enough) but it was a good place for a nice long walk and some rich-people-watching. Walking and sex are two things that are supposed to help labor begin, so we are doing our part(s) to get this show on the road!

We had a full-size mattress set delivered today so my poor mom has something to sleep on besides a crappy air mattress. Later, when Aquaman (IF HE EVER ARRIVES) is old enough, we’ll convert his crib frame into a full-size bed, and we’ll already have the mattress for it.

I’m bored and getting pretty antsy about labor… when oh when will it begin? I imagine every full term pregnant woman asks herself that question repeatedly. Mom is cooking up a storm and cleaning our house cleaner than it’s ever been, which is freaking AWESOME but also is making me feel guilty. I hope she’s not too bored here.

I haven’t really felt the nesting instinct that pregnant women often feel shortly before labor begins and gone crazy with the cleaning and organizing, although Doc may disagree with me on that. I tell you, though, HE has been the one who has been super busy lately getting shitloads of things done around the house. It’s so sweet how excited he is about the baby, and how much he’s preparing for it. Comparatively speaking, I’ve just been sitting on my ass.

Mr. Baby is still on the inside. But I have a feeling he’ll be here in the next couple of days. I’m not sure why. Just a feeling. I really want to stick close to home and I feel kinda weird both mentally and physically. Contractions are still irregular and not very strong. I don’t notice most of them; the ones I do notice make me feel a little queasy and are accompanied by a mild menstrual-cramp-like feeling. They don’t last for more than a minute or so, maybe ten times a day that I notice.

None of that makes it seem like labor is imminent. I guess it’ll happen when it happens. I’m finding myself not so freaked out by the idea that it could happen any minute, like I was 3 or 4 days ago, and now I wish that my body would just get on with it. Doc and I went for a walk this morning because I felt like I had abundant energy and walking is supposedly good for helping Mr. Baby descend into position, but almost as soon as we left the house I felt exhausted and my back began to hurt kinda badly.

This afternoon I am sitting in the Comfy Chair in the living room with my laptop, a quilt, and a stripey cat on my lap. I had a piece of homemade (by mom!) lemon pie and a Coke just now, and I’m watching Star Wars on DVD. Later I thought that I might go down to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters, if Uncle Owen will let me.

We are missing a yummy Thanksgiving dinner at Kathryn’s house today, and I’m sad about that. But again, I am having that weird feeling of wanting to stay at home and I think that I ought to listen to it.

Happy Anniversary to Doc!! 9 years today. It hasn’t seemed like nearly that long, and at the same time it feels like we’ve been together all our lives. I’m really really lucky; I realize this more and more every day.

So, in the spirit of the day, some things I am thankful for: Doc. My cats. My baby. My parents and brothers. Wonderful, funny, creative friends. Lemon meringue pie. Star Wars. Lovely autumn weather. Great co-workers. iPhones. The president-elect. Turkey-shaped calzones. Bacon. Caramel. Books. Art. Yoga. Being happy and content with my life.