‘Food’ Category

  1. Monkey, monkey, YOU!

    April 2, 2008 :: 9:35 am

    Monday night, my stomach hurt from laughing for 2 solid hours. We saw Eddie Izzard’s show at the Majestic Theatre, and I think it was the very first stop on his pre-tour tour. His material was somewhat rough and he made jokes about “must… work… on… that… one…” (pretending to write in an imaginary notebook). He seemed to find his groove toward the second half of the show, and completely sucked us all in to that zone where you’re laughing so hard that you can’t stop laughing even though your stomach hurts and your face feels like it’s going to crack in half!

    For instance, did you know that Charles Darwin wrote a book, called “Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, YOU!”

    And that giant squid lived in the hold of Noah’s Ark, but were constantly asking for towels and trying to tune in “The Riches” on the telly? He said “My other problem with this story, is, ok. ‘Alright, tigers, there you go, hop on board, badgers, follow along, spiders, deer, more badgers?…. um, hey, who do we have on board now? ‘ ‘The tigers.’ ‘What, just the tigers?’ ‘Yes, just the tigers so far. They seem bigger!’”

    And the bit about God inventing creme brulee for the badgers and then hand-feeding it to them…. LOL. I guess you had to be there.

    He also kept whipping out his iPhone on stage to look up stuff on Wikipedia! It was really hilarious the first couple of times, until the audience started doing the same thing and finding the answers first.

    Last night Doc and I went to a cooking class at Central Market, to learn how to cook Moroccan food. The food was great. Our classmates were interesting. The chefs were knowledgeable. But I don’t think I’ll be back. It was way too expensive for the experience. I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already know, and I know how to follow a recipe, which is really all that we (sort of) did. I say “sort of” because we had printed recipe packets but the chefs kept saying “I don’t like the way they say to do this, let’s do it this other way.” And I was expecting more of an individualized experience. I thought that Doc and I would have our own station with ingredients, chopping block, stovetop, and we’d experience making all the dishes ourselves. Instead, we had a group of about five people and we all would find one little task to do… like Doc chopped some garlic. I grated the peel off an orange. Somebody put everything in the pot. It just felt very very basic. I wanted to learn about Morocco, the history of their food, what types of special ingredients they used, how they make phyllo dough, etc etc etc, and instead it was more like a lesson in how cooking almost never happens in reality: with 15 people in the kitchen getting in each others’ way and feeling like we’re not contributing.


  2. Admonished at Starbucks

    March 12, 2008 :: 10:24 am

    Last week, my office had a fire drill in the morning. This time it was just a drill; no fire in the file-box-filled attic this time. Periodically throughout the day, the emergency strobe lights in would flash for five or ten minutes (thankfully without the siren sound) as the maintenance people worked on the system. There is no way to block out the bright sharp flashes—light seems to leak in even when your eyes are closed—and I started getting a headache.

    Yvonne and I decided to walk across the street to the nearly-deserted Starbucks to escape the strobes for a bit. She ordered first, a tall latte with soy milk. I ordered next, a tall latte with 2% milk.

    That’s a nice short order, right? Five words. Tall, Latte, With, 2%, Milk. OK, maybe that’s six words if you count “two” and “percent” separately. The Starbucks coffee drones, I mean baristas, use short-order type lingo and I thought I had managed to speak the required language pretty well, especially in my reluctant use of the term “tall” instead of “small.” Which, by the way, is a mind-boggling twist of logic; “tall” to describe the smallest size? It’s nothing but a deceptive marketing tactic. And, speaking of sizing, they seriously need to quit with the pretentious faux-Italian verbiage. I say “faux” because “grande” in Italian means “large,” but that’s what Starbucks calls a medium. And “venti” means “twenty.” So their sizes, are Tall, Large, and Twenty. How completely logical.

    But I digress.

    So I ordered a “tall latte with 2% milk.” The cashier-drone cheerily took my order and called out “tall latte” to the coffee-drone. He, in turn, called back “tall latte” to her to confirm the order and turned to look at me with a glint of “you stupid coffee newbie” in his eyes. “For your future information, ma’am, all our beverages come with 2% milk by default. You don’t have to tell us 2% in the future.”

    Okay, I thought, that’s useful information. They’ll put 2% in even if I forget to tell them to do so. “Thanks,” I said, “that’s good to know.”

    He continued. “You don’t have to ever say 2%. And it’ll save both of us some time if you don’t.”

    WHAT? Did he actually just say that to me? Was I just admonished by a barista for wasting his time with three or four extra words? If the line at Starbucks stretched out the door and all the employees were operating at full speed, would me saying “with 2% milk” REALLY slow the well-oiled barista machinery to a halt? Would it work like a traffic jam, where if one person on a busy freeway taps his brakes it can cause a backup for miles?

    I’m tempted to try it, just for spite. But in reality, Mr. Über-Efficiency doesn’t need to worry about me wasting his time any more with extra words, and in turn I won’t worry about spending $3 of my hard-earned cash for a spash of second-rate coffee in a glass of milk.

    2% MILK, that is.


  3. Radishes? For breakfast?

    February 27, 2008 :: 9:44 am

    I have been eating vegetables for breakfast every morning this week. No, really, I have! And I feel very pleased with myself for getting in so much fiber and nutrients before 10 a.m.

    I don’t generally like to eat sweets for breakfast; I prefer savory foods. So no matter how fabulously inexpensive and nutritious plain oatmeal and fresh fruit sounds when I’m grocery shopping on the weekends, the truth is I just can’t choke it down in the mornings. That stupid cardboard tub of oatmeal sits lonely in my cabinet at work.

    My usual breakfasts consist of either a piece of raw fruit and some cheese, a plain fruit smoothie and a slice of cheese, leftovers from the night before, a bagel with cream cheese, or beans and cheese on a tortilla (a breakfast burrito without the egg). Or, like this week, vegetable sticks with homemade hummous.

    My highly scientific research — consisting of a focus group of myself — indicates that brightly or unusually colored vegetables cut into little bite-sized pieces with hummous really DO taste better than the standard carrot sticks, celery sticks, broccoli and cauliflower with oily Ranch dip that seem to be the standard American choice for raw vegetables, or “crudites” if you want to get fancy about it, and I do. Why is eating fun-looking food more fun? I have no idea. Ask any child under the age of 10, they can probably give you a better answer than I can!

    This past weekend I bought some maroon-colored carrots (carrots such as “BetaSweets,” pictured at right and available at Whole Foods, Central Market, or other organic groceries, have 40% more beta-carotene, higher sugar content, cancer-fighting anthocyanin, and a much smoother texture than orange carrots… plus they just look NEAT when they’re cut open!), radishes, snow peas, and a variety of bell peppers. I cut them into sticks (except the radishes, which got sliced in my food processor, and the snow peas which needed no alterations) and tossed everything into a Ziploc bag.

    Then I made some hummous, which sounds really intimidating but is ridiculously easy and very healthy. Here’s how I make it: Rinse and drain one can of chickpeas (garbanzo beans) and dump into the blender. Add about 3 tablespoons tahini (sesame paste, available in jars in the health-food section of most grocery stores), about 3 tablespoons of lemon juice, a half teaspoon of garlic salt, and blend it all up. You’ll probably need to add a bit of water if it’s too thick. Scrape down the blender and add water just until the blender begins to blend it consistently without you having to poke at it with a spatula.


  4. I know how to keep my man happy!

    February 15, 2008 :: 1:49 pm

    (Whirring mixer sounds coming from the kitchen)

    Doc, from living room: What are you making?
    Me: Cinnamon rolls!
    Doc: You are SO SEXY right now.

  5. Other topics

    February 12, 2008 :: 10:02 pm

    I realized tonight that I’ve only made three short posts in the past three weeks that AREN’T about my miscarriage. Part of me is tired of thinking about it, and I am sure that my readers, all two of you, are tired of reading about it too, so I’m going to try to move on to other topics now for the most part. I can’t promise there won’t be the occasional “woe is me” post, but I am trying not to let the woe engulf me and writing about normal things will be an exercise in getting my head out of that sadness.

    So. Onward!

    Last.fm
    Doc turned me on to this cool site called Last.fm. It’s a free service (similar to Pandora) that keeps track of what music you listen to, streams music that it thinks you’ll like on your own personal “radio stations” (and does a darn good job, by the way, of choosing music that I like), connects you with people that have similar tastes, and introduces you to independent artists and music you may not have heard before.

    Try it!
    It’s very easy to install and operate. It imports your iTunes listening history and then is able to custom-tailor “radio stations” for you.

    The 6 Cutest Animals That Can Still Destroy You
    I absolutely love Cracked.com’s lists. The people who write them are hilariously witty and razor sharp. Even if I don’t have any interest in the topic, although I usually do, I still read them for the quality of writing. Here are just a few choice quotes from a recent article about six adorably cute animals that can fucking kill you. This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

    If animals could talk, they would spend most of their time calling us dicks and telling us to get off their land. The traits we think of as “cute” are often simply tricks animals have developed to get tourists to throw them food.

    There is no way you could look at a big, fat, happy, squishy, huggable hippo and not think, “If she could talk like a human, she would sound just like Jada Pinkett Smith and be oh so sassy.” You would totally name her Sassybaskets and she would be your tutu-wearing, ballet-dancing, strut-walking pal for life. Just you and Sassybaskets against the world! Look out, New York, here comes Sassybaskets!

    The platypus is mother nature’s way of saying, “I made this thing out of spare parts I found on the workshop floor, and it can still fucking cripple you.”

    It turns out swans are now and have always been vicious, mean little motherfuckers who will not hesitate to snap your fingers off one by one for daring to pollute its presence. And then going off to laugh with all their friends about what a huge loser you are.

    Orange Almond Cake with Caramel Sauce
    A few weeks ago I made a delicious cake. It is in no way low-calorie or low-fat, and it tastes utterly decadent. Here’s the recipe:

    3/4 cup butter
    1 cup sugar
    2 eggs plus 1 egg yolk
    1/3 cup orange marmalade
    1/3 cup light sour cream
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1-3/4 cup flour
    3/4 teaspoon baking powder
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    7 ounces almond paste, crumbled

    Sauce:
    1/4 cup butter
    1 cup brown sugar
    1/2 cup heavy cream
    1 teaspoon rum extract
    1/3 cup orange marmalade

    Preheat oven to 350.

    Lightly butter a 9″-round bundt cake pan; set aside.

    With a mixer, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 3-4 minutes. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add the apricot preserves, sour cream, and vanilla extract; beat for 1 minute more.

    Stir together the flour, baking powder, and salt; lightly fold into the batter along with the almond paste.

    Spread batter evenly into the prepared pan . Bake for 40-45 minutes or until the center of the cake is firm when the pan is lightly tapped.

    For sauce:
    In a medium saucepan, melt butter. Stir in brown sugar and cook for 2 minutes. Stir in remaining ingredients and simmer over low heat for a few minutes more. Drizzle over cake slices.

    Recent Activities
    Last Friday night we went to an art show and dinner with Kathryn and Brett. Even though I didn’t particularly care for most of the art (a student show, watercolors), it was nice to get out and do something cultural with friends. I don’t know why we don’t do that more often. Recent events have got me thinking a lot about priorities and free-time activities, and I’ve realized that I miss actively making art and actively going out to look at other peoples’ art. I want to start doing that more often. We need to force ourselves to find the time…. maybe by just writing on the calendar what we are going to do, and then sticking to it. For someone who’s supposed to be an artist, I sure avoid art a lot of the time. I don’t understand myself sometimes.


  6. Cheese Roll Call!

    February 7, 2008 :: 10:01 am


    A world of cheeses
    Deliciously made for you and me
    Flavors like Provolone and Brie
    Each with its own ethnicity.
    So many cheeses
    Are available all around the world for you to eat
    Especially good with crackers and meat
    A nice yummy treat!

    I sure do love cheese. Here are my current top five:

    Ford Farms Coastal Cheddar: The most delicious sharp cheddar I’ve ever had. Has a bit of crunch to it (crystallized calcium, not salt as you might think) and a perfect texture: not too creamy, not too flaky.
    Gjetöst: A delicious light brown cheese, dense and super-creamy, with a salty, sweet caramel flavor. Made from cows’ and goats’ milk and whey. It can take a while to get used to the unusual taste.
    Welsh Harlech: A cheddar infused with sharp, pungent horseradish.
    Gruyere: The classic sharp and nutty Swiss cheese.
    Cougar Gold: A sharp white cheddar made by students at the creamery at Washington State University.
    Stilton with Apricot: A mild creamy blue cheese with apricot bits. Yum!

    I guess that was six, not five, wasn’t it? It is so hard to choose!


  7. Experiments in Deliciousness: Bacon chocolate chip cookies

    December 17, 2007 :: 12:28 pm

    We all know bacon is a miracle food, but does it even improve chocolate chip cookies? Ooh, You Tasty Little Things says:

    Typically, I would never advocate the addition of meat to a sweet cookie, but I’ve always viewed bacon as ‘the candybar of meats’ so I only felt slightly weird about it. Amazingly enough, these cookies are DELICIOUS.” 

    read more | digg story


  8. Peppermint Candyland Cake

    November 29, 2007 :: 10:31 pm

    Oh. My. God.

    I HAVE to make this. This insane thing makes me want to have a child just so I can make this cake for her birthday.

    And this photo seriously doesn’t do it justice. The one in the magazine took up an entire page — it was huge — and it called to some magical childhood place in me. Peppermint! Candyland! Pink! Silvery sparkles! Chocolate! Crystal clear glassy sugar candy!

    peppermint ice cream candyland cake

    Cake:
    1 1/2 cups unbleached all purpose flour
    1 1/2 cups sugar
    3/4 teaspoon baking soda
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter
    6 tablespoons bittersweet or semisweet chocolate chips
    3/4 cup water
    1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
    1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
    1 large egg, room temperature
    3 1/2 quarts (about) peppermint stick ice cream, slightly softened

    Candy Brittle:
    1 1/2 cups sugar
    1/2 cup water
    1 1/2 tablespoons light corn syrup
    1 to 2 cups assorted candies (such as sliced gummy candies, spice drops, Swedish mints, butter mints, rock candy pieces, and candy cane pieces)

    Chocolate Sauce:
    1/2 cup water
    8 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate chips

    Preparation

    For cake:
    Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter 15x10x1-inch baking sheet; line with parchment. Butter parchment. Whisk first 4 ingredients in large bowl. Melt butter in medium saucepan. Remove from heat. Add chocolate chips; stir until melted. Whisk in 3/4 cup water, cocoa, and vanilla until blended. Whisk in egg. Add to dry ingredients; whisk to blend. Pour batter onto prepared baking sheet.

    Bake cake until tester inserted into center comes out with some moist crumbs attached, about 22 minutes. Cool cake on baking sheet on rack 15 minutes. Run knife around pan sides to loosen cake. Turn cake out onto sheet of foil; cool. Cut cake crosswise into 3 equal strips. Freeze cake strips 1 hour.

    Place 1 cake strip on platter. Working quickly, spoon 3 1/2 cups peppermint ice cream in dollops over cake; spread evenly to edges. Top with second cake strip; spoon 3 1/2 cups ice cream in dollops over cake; spread evenly to edges. Top with third cake strip; freeze 1 hour. Spread enough remaining ice cream over top and sides of cake to cover generously (about 6 cups). Freeze until firm, about 3 hours.

    For candy brittle:
    Place 20-inch-long sheet of foil on work surface. Mark off 16×12-inch rectangle. Stir sugar, 1/2 cup water, and corn syrup in heavy small saucepan over medium-low heat until sugar dissolves, brushing down sides of pan with wet pastry brush. Increase heat and boil without stirring until candy thermometer registers 300°F, tilting saucepan slightly to submerge bulb, about 15 minutes.

    Being very careful (syrup is extremely hot), pour boiling syrup in wide zigzag lines across foil. Working quickly and using offset metal spatula, spread syrup evenly to 16×12-inch rectangle. Immediately sprinkle generously with candies, pressing larger pieces into syrup to adhere (do not touch hot syrup). If syrup hardens before all candies have been applied, slide foil with brittle onto large rimless baking sheet and place baking sheet directly over burner set on high heat to soften syrup, about 10 seconds, rotating sheet, then remove from heat and immediately apply remaining candies. Cool completely.

    Starting at 1 end of brittle, break off irregular pieces, peeling foil as you go. Press brittle upright, candy side out, onto top and sides of cake and freeze. DO AHEAD: Cake can be made 2 days ahead. Cover and keep frozen.

    For chocolate sauce:
    Bring water to simmer in small saucepan. Remove from heat. Add chocolate; whisk until smooth. DO AHEAD: Sauce can be made 2 days ahead. Cover and chill.

    TEST-KITCHEN TIPS:
    • If you can’t find peppermint ice cream, make a quick version by mixing 3 1/2 quarts softened premium vanilla ice cream with 2 cups coarsely crushed red-and-white-striped hard peppermint candies and 2 1/2 teaspoons peppermint extract.
    • Before making the brittle, break or slice the candy into pieces.
    • For the sugar syrup, use a heavy-duty saucepan with a sturdy handle.
    • Mark off a 16×12-inch rectangle on the foil to easily spread the sugar syrup to the correct dimension.
    • Sugar syrup will be extremely hot: Use caution when pouring and spreading it.
    • Brittle will harden quickly: Be swift when applying the candies.
    • When breaking the brittle into pieces, peel it off the foil as you go (don’t worry if a few pieces of candy fall off).

    Bon Appetit, December 2007


  9. 8 Years of Hitched Bliss!

    November 28, 2007 :: 8:32 pm

    Yesterday Doc and I celebrated our 8-year anniversary! Yay, us!!! It really hasn’t felt like 8 years (well, 12 if you count the time we were dating), and I know that’s a Very Good Thing. We’ve made a point over the last few months of spending more time together in the evenings, and on evenings when we do our own things in our respective studios, I feel lonely.

    He is truly the light of my life, and my best friend. He is so funny and intelligent and sexy and cute and caring and generous and honest and faithful and loyal and entertaining. I am so glad that we managed to cross paths in life.

    Sometimes it just hits me how much a simple thing like one simple decision can be so fragile, so fleeting, so life-changing. If either of us had made any number of other decisions prior to the moment that we met, we might never have met or married at all.

    What if he hadn’t been able to come to that party we had where he discovered my CD collection and realized that we had the same semi-obscure interests? What if I’d gotten more involved with the person I was casually seeing at the time that we met? What if he had already grown distant from Tommy when Tommy and Ginger were dating? What if he and I had decided to date a few years earlier when we were first introduced, when neither of us were ready and it wouldn’t have worked out?

    It’s weird to try to tally up all the things that had to go absolutely right to lead us to this point. I think this is where some people like to imagine that God, or whichever higher power they ascribe to, had a hand in things. I don’t think so, personally. This world is so complex that crazy things like this happen all the time, and the times when things work out either really well or really badly is when we start to question the events that led up to that point.

    Anyway, back to the anniversary. We did not give each other big gifts, as is our tradition, but I did get him a few bars of fancy soap that he likes, and he got me some rosemary seedlings (since I managed to kill the two large plants he got me last Christmas), because, he says, it reminds him of when we got married. How sweet is that??!

    He was working onsite at a client’s all day yesterday, and when he came home we spent some quality time together (wink wink) and went out to stuff ourselves at Texas de Brazil (and if you’re planning on eating at a churrascarria and having sex in the same evening—two ways of getting stuffed, har-de-har-har—I’d highly recommend having sex FIRST).

    I do love that place but lord have mercy, is it ever expensive. We had a buy one/get one free coupon (they send those out to their mailing list for birthdays and anniversaries), and that’s about the only way that I’d be comfortable eating there. At $45 prix fixe per person, you’re looking at $100+, more if you have anything to drink besides water.

    They offer a dessert menu, but I have no idea how anyone could possibly fit dessert in after partaking of the orgy of meat and salad. The 5-inch-tall slice of cheesecake with an inch of fudge on the bottom and caramel on top looked pretty appealing, even so.

    And I think I mentioned this last time I posted about Texas de Brazil, but I swear I could eat my weight in goat cheese. Just give me their rice, black beans, and goat cheese, and I’m a happy girl.


  10. A Gravy Kind of Love

    November 23, 2007 :: 11:08 pm

    Thanksgiving went well! We have way too much food left over, as usual. Anyone want some stuffing or mashed potatoes?

    Doc’s turkey was awesome; it keeps getting better every year (this coming from someone who doesn’t even really like turkey!). He had to leave it in the oven a full hour longer than he planned, in order to get the temperature up to that minimum safety level (170 degrees F). Not sure why that was; perhaps our 25 year old oven is not working quite right. But most of our guests arrived shortly before it was done, so the timing worked out pretty well in the end.

    I have a ton of wine (thanks dad!) left over along with about a cubic meter of stuffing. That ought to get me through the next few days quite nicely :)

    Besides the fact that our food seemed to be a hit, the highlight of the evening for me was playing a few lively games of Catch Phrase Music Edition, where you have to get your teammates to say the title of a song that appears in the little device’s window, without saying any of the words in the title or revealing the artist. It took us a while to get into the groove but once we warmed up to it, we had a lot of fun. Bob was trying to get his team (Brittney and Chris) to say the word “from” by telling them “on a Christmas package, not ‘to,’ but …” and Brittney yelled, “NOT TOO EXPENSIVE!” That just cracked me up. Also, “A Gravy Kind of Love” is CLOSE to the name of the Phil Collins song, and appropriate for this holiday, but not quite right.

    Today I did nothing but sleep, read, eat, and nap. A few other things like showering and writing a little, too. But really and truly this was a lazy lazy day. It helps that the temperature didn’t even hit 50 today… cold grey weather makes me want to snuggle under a blanket all day. Also, it snowed yesterday! On Thanksgiving! In Texas! It didn’t last long, and turned into sleet after a few minutes, but still, it was pretty cool. We had a fire going all day, and had to turn on the heater upstairs.


  11. A day of serious cookery

    November 21, 2007 :: 9:53 pm

    Wow, sometimes a week goes by and I haven’t posted, and I don’t know how that happens. I just lose days at a time. Weird.

    My brother Bob has been in town for a few days, which has been fun. We went to trivia at Trinity Hall on Sunday night. The questions were really tough this week, and we met our goal to come in Not Last. Third from last is pretty respectable, isn’t it?!

    I took today off work and spent pretty much the whole day cooking! It was tiring, but fun. I made:

    • Apricot-cranberry chutney
    • Tossed field greens salad with sliced honeycrisp apples, grape tomatoes, gorgonzola and croutons
    • Creamy balsamic vinaigrette
    • Apple pie (with extra filling going into little flaky puffpastry shells)
    • Pumpkin pie
    • Chex mix
    • Sage rolls (turned out absolutely awful; completely tasteless and mealy. I threw them away)
    • Focaccia bread with sun-dried tomatoes (as a replacement for the nasty rolls)
    • Mashed potatoes with cream cheese, butter, garlic and chives
    • Bacon (to put on the mashed potatoes and green beans tomorrow)
    • Two quarts of mint iced tea
    • Hash-brown casserole (for tonight’s dinner)

    Tomorrow, I am making sausage-cranberry dressing in the morning, and Doc cooks his turkey in the afternoon. Right before we eat I will sauté green beans in butter and some of the bacon I cooked today.

    No sweet potatoes this year! There’s not enough popular support for them in the people that I knew for certain were coming to dinner. I like them OK but only when used in a savory dish.

    I’m excited about tomorrow, seeing friends and family and eating lots and lots of food… but I’m really sad that mom couldn’t come this year. She’s spending the day with my other brother Mike and her brother John and his family in Seattle.


  12. Mayotini, anyone?

    October 25, 2007 :: 3:23 pm

    There are many things that I like about Japan and its culture: Yaki soba, okonomiyaki, yukata, chopsticks, tea, cherry blossom festivals, respect, hokusai, love of nature. However, some things I don’t think I will ever fully understand, such as bizarre physical contests masquerading as game shows, manga, anime, strange food like corn ice cream and sea cucumber, and restaurants such as…

    Mayonnaise Kitchen.

    That’s right, a restaurant devoted to mayonnaise. It’s become somewhat of an obsession among young Japanese, who call themselves “mayolers,” or mayo fanatics. The photo at right is of a “Mayoty Dog”… a vodka drink made with mayonnaise, with mayo on the rim!! Mayo! In your perfectly good vodka! Might as well add some tunafish and chopped onion while you’re at it!!

    Mayonnaise Kitchen also allows customers to purchase their own personal bottle of mayonnaise that the restaurant keeps on tap for whenever they dine, which I find really bizarre.

    I guess maybe it could be compared to a restaurant devoted to chocolate, or wine, or another singular gourmet ingredient… But mayonnaise? Come on! It’s an American white-trash condiment! If you go to the grocery store you’ll find eight billion different kinds of mustard, but mayonnaise is pretty much mayonnaise. I can’t see how you can build an entire restaurant around it.
    For me, mayo has exactly two uses: in homemade Ranch dressing, and in tuna or chicken salad. That’s it. Not spread on sandwiches, not as a dip, and certainly not in my martini!