Last night Doc and I spent nearly an hour driving around after midnight attempting to find a drugstore that was still open. We were looking for some sort of over-the-counter medication for his raging migraine headache.

Yes, he’s now getting migraines in addition to clusters, sometimes at the same time. It’s unbelievably sucky. Seriously, can the man be in any more pain? Pain piled on top of pain on top of pain.

I would not let him drive himself around at the level of hurting he was at, so I pulled on some pants and my glasses and hopped in the driver’s seat. We went to six places before we found one that was open (note to self: Remember, CVS at Walnut Hill and 75 is open 24 hours).

Next task: to find out if Excedrin really IS “the headache medicine.”

I’d forgotten how much I love Pink Floyd’s film “The Wall.” We saw it at the Inwood last night at midnight with Brittney and Chris. We weren’t the oldest people in the audience but we definitely fell in the high end of the range.

Near the beginning of the film, someone’s cell phone rang. The girl sitting in front of me turned to her boyfriend and asked, quite seriously, “Was that in the movie?”

Sigh.

Doc’s cluster headache cycle is just not going away. No screaming bad ones, but he has a headache almost constantly since about February. Saturday we went to three different health food stores looking for this capsaicin nasal spray which is said to help with migraines and anecdotally with some peoples’ clusters too. The first one was just a distribution center in an office park (closed), the second one was Roy’s Natural Market (closed on Saturdays… seriously, WTF?), and Whole Foods did not carry it. We may have to order it online.

Our Whole Foods trip wasn’t a complete wash though; we spent a long time staring at the fabulously gorgeous desserts in the dessert cases. They are too pretty to eat. I just want to look at them all day! I purchased a new bottle of Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Castile Soap. I love this stuff. The label, if you aren’t familiar with it (and if you’re not I suggest you read it!), will lead you to the conclusion that dear old Dr. Bronner was nearly all his pancakes short of a stack, but by God (pun intended) he can make some damn fine environmentally friendly non-sodium-lauryl-or-laureth-sulfate-containing liquid soap. It’s expensive but a little goes a long long way.

I think that I forgot to mention, when I was talking about my Saturday morning with migraine aura, that there was a very strong smell of enamel paint or some other type of chemical solvent near one side of the track. It was so strong that I didn’t want to breathe through my mouth on that half of the track. I wonder if this contributed to the migraine? I probably shouldn’t have stayed, now that I think about it. Live and learn.

I ran my official 5-mile run this morning. It was harder to do than the 5-mile I did last Monday, possibly because it was morning instead of evening (less energy) and I was running by myself, but one of the crazy things about today was that I started getting a reverse migraine aura a little more than halfway through. I began having trouble seeing the screen of my iPod clearly but thought it was just due to glare from the fluorescent lighting overhead and the large number of “floaters” I have in my eyes. A few laps later I realized that it was because the center of my vision was disappearing. The little silver diagonal sparkle lines had started in the middle. I decided to keep going as long as I could, but to stop if I started to experience any pain or if my vision disappeared past the point where it was safe to run. I developed a plan for what to do if the pain started, involving finding a quiet dark room and a wet washcloth, possibly with the help of a gym staff member. The sparkles grew outward from the center of my vision in a donut-shaped oblong, slightly to the left of center with the right side pointing slightly upward, and I began to feel slightly nauseous. Eventually the aura reached the edge of my peripheral vision, and it disappeared completely by about 4.75 miles. I finished the run and cooldown walk, stretched, and felt well enough to drive home. My head has felt kind of funny all day, though; not pain exactly, but a strange feeling of pressure or like the pain is there right below the surface and if I thought about it, it would burst on through. So I’m trying to ignore it. Staring at this computer screen all day isn’t helping though (I’m doing freelance work this weekend for Arushi).

I called it a “reverse migraine aura” because normally my auras start at the outer edges of my vision and work their way to the center, completely obscuring my vision for a while. The past few I’ve had have been in reverse – starting in the center and working their way outwards, in a ring shape. I’m a little worried because I’ve had two real migraines this year and several more auras, and between my late teens and last year I have had maybe only half a dozen total migraines or auras.

i had a migraine headache yesterday. i haven’t had one since i was a kid. it sucked, although i know it was not nearly as bad as it could have been. i started getting cranky and headachey around 4 pm at work, came home, laid down and fell asleep for about an hour. brittney came over and we went for a walk; then i ate some soup and vegetables for dinner, and watched a little tv. right after i was done eating i started feeling much worse, and pretty soon i couldn’t stand to watch or listen to the tv anymore. i put on my pajamas, put a sleep mask over my eyes, and went to bed. this was about 9 pm. i just laid there, hoping the aleve would start working, for probably an hour before i managed to fall asleep. even though the room was dark, i could still somehow feel light leaking in the corners of my eyes, so that is why i dug out doc’s satin sleep mask — the kind that is filled with little bits of something like lavendar or barley grains — and it seemed to help a little.

i felt fine this morning, and most of the day. right now my head just feels a little weird and pressurey, but it’s not exactly pain.

and i’m really not complaining… i feel lucky to only have had this one, in comparison with doc’s cluster experiences and my brother, who does get frequent full-blown migraines.

the other day, as i was going through my milk crate where i keep office supplies and, apparently, a bunch of other old crap that i no longer need, i came across an old notebook. most of the notes had to do with work from 1997, but i found a couple of interesting pages. on one i made a note about a computer that i wanted for work, to replace the PowerMac 6100/60 that I had:

Power Mac 7500/100
16 Meg RAM
1 GB Hard Drive (twice as big as my current drive)
CD-Rom drive
can possibly transfer some RAM from this 6100/60 to the new machine?
Computer Corner price: $2049
15″ monitor: $385
17″ monitor: [this was blank]

i think i ended up with the 7500 and a 17″ monitor to boot.

on another page in the notebook, i had a note to myself to call kathryn, and a drawing of what the x-ray looked like when i broke my toe in 1999:

i’ve been busily posting to doc’s cluster journal for the past few nights. i’m all caught up on the 6 years of previous entries, and he and i have both begun making new posts.

i added links to it to the message boards in the online cluster communities. a number of people have visited and read, and left comments. my introductory post on ch.com was met with some very kind responses.

someone has already made or is in the process of making a short film about c

i’ve started a new blog: cluster-headache.blogspot.com, to chronicle doc’s perserverance in dealing with this disease (or disorder/condition/state of being broken, whatever you want to call it) and my experiences in supporting him.

as of tonight, it’s only got maybe 10% of the entries posted. it goes as far back as 1999, and i’m only up to march 2000. i’m transcribing what we’ve handwritten in the curious george journal that lives in our bathroom.

i plan to publicize the blog to the cluster community; they may be interested in reading it and commenting in it.

i also hope that it serves as a resource for me as i delve into making my first documentary film — about cluster headaches.

typing with my left hand only today. i just woke up on the bathroom floor.

i smashed the tip of my right ring finger outside while moving some concrete blocks — i must have squashed it between two blocks while setting one down and did something really unpleasant to the nail. it hurt like crazy and the entire fingernail was bright red from underneath. i came inside, ran upstairs to the cat bathroom, rinsed it off; not too much blood. doc thinks the nail has come away from the nail bed, but is still attached at sides and bottom. i swear i saw what looked like an air or water bubble underneath the nail, right in the middle.

it hurt something awful, but i was staying very calm and matter of fact, talking clinically about the pain and what i might have done to the fingernail, trying not to freak doc out too much. i sat on the counter and said “i think i’m going to pass out” because i started getting tunnel vision and the sounds around me began to disappear. usually when that happens, like if i get up too quickly, i sit down and it passes after a few seconds. but today it just kept getting more acute, and suddenly i felt incredibly relaxed and carefree but was still alert enough that i knew i needed to say “i’m passing out” again. he put his arms around me and i felt my legs go slack, and the next thing i knew i felt like i was waking up from an incredibly intricate and pleasant dream. i felt completely rested and in a good mood, but a bit confused because i did not know where i was. after a minute or two i realized i was lying on the bathroom floor which was covered in scattered cat litter, but i had no idea why. i said “where am i? what happened?” and then the finger started hurting again and it came back to me.

doc said that my eyeballs rolled up in the back of my head, but my eyes were still open. he got me to the floor and unfolded me from the weird position i’d landed in. he said i was unconscious for probably 30 seconds. once i came to, i heard this weird rushing buzzing sound all around me, like running bathwater, which apparently was all in my head. it went away after a couple of minutes. leslie says it’s because your blood pressure changes.

as i was still feeling fuzzy in the head and coming out of it, i kept apologizing to doc for scaring him. as if i had any control over it!! it makes me think, though, that i’m glad i wasn’t alone in the house when it happened. i might’ve knocked my head on the tub or something on the way down. but if i knew that i was on my own, would i have had the foresight to sit or lie on the floor at the first sign of feeling lightheaded? probably not. now i know better.

i still don’t know why i fainted. there wasn’t much blood, and the pain wasn’t THAT bad.

doc had a killer cluster about 2:30-4 a.m. and then another fairly bad one about 10:30 a.m. he said he wishes he could pass out like i did and not feel the pain. but he can’t.

The best thing about the latest Spike & Mike’s Sick & Twisted Festival of Animation is Dr. Tran. Make no mistake… Dr. Tran IS a REAL DOCTOR! Click on the image to hear a funny outtake from the production.

Doc went to see Dr. Aronoff, who is an internist but has taken an interest in headaches recently, and has procured some medication and oxygen for the clusters. He’s got some Vioxx and some Atenolol (I think that’s how it’s spelled) for the pain. We’ll see how that works out. Knock on wood, he hasn’t had a bad one for several days.

The Saturn is dead. Battery, I hope.

Doc is having a cluster headache cycle again. This one looks like it’s going to suck pretty bad. Not that they don’t all suck, but some cycles are more intense than others. If you’re interested in reading what Doc and I go through during one of these cycles, click here to read some stories from other sufferers. They will all seem unbelievable but everything you read is exactly how it is for him and for me. Both of us are probably going to be tired, grouchy, and possibly flaky on social engagements for the next couple of months. Please don’t hold it against us if we back out of something. The lack of sleep and the unbelievable amounts of pain, pain that human bodies were not meant to endure, take their toll.