‘Health’ Category

  1. I hate my back.

    October 5, 2007 :: 8:20 pm

    I feel just plain miserable. It’s been going on for 36 hours straight.

    I have for years had problems with my sciatic nerve in the left side of my lower back and hip, and it occasionally goes haywire, but this time it’s worse than I can ever remember. My entire lower back and left leg from hip to knee is sending out waves of mouth-watering pain every few seconds. It won’t stop. Sitting is excruciating, and lying down’s not much better. Standing is slightly less painful, and floating in the bathtub is also slightly less painful.

    I took 2 different kinds of prescription pain pills today, which didn’t do jack shit for the pain but left me woozy, sleepy, and with a killer headache.

    I went to work this morning and toughed it out to get some critical stuff done, then went to yoga class (I thought stretching would help; it didn’t), and came home afterwards.

    If stretching doesn’t help, and medicine doesn’t help, I don’t know quite what to do. I’m really frustrated and catch myself making little moaning noises every now and then. I slept for a little while this afternoon but didn’t feel any better when I woke up. I guess I just have to tough it out and hope that I’ll feel better in the morning.


  2. The weekend

    October 1, 2007 :: 12:40 pm

    I think that Doc’s classic cluster cycle has returned. Twice daily bad cluster attacks.

    I’m convinced that Depakote he’s taking isn’t doing jack shit. It may even be making it worse. It’s definitely making the headaches different, and with these things, sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.

    Friday (his birthday) was simply awful in terms of pain. Saturday was better; he had a short attack in the afternoon but only hovered around a 1 or 1.5 for the rest of the day. This was good because Kathryn threw him a surprise party Saturday night at her house (I know, how sweet!!), so I’m glad he was able to go and participate and not be in too much pain. I had a great deal of fun. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. The dinner was awesome too, courtesy of Brett’s fantastic culinary skills: homemade burgers, homemade fries and onion rings, roasted pepper salad, and ice cream with blueberry-pomegranete sauce. Humor occasionally regressed to the 5th grade level, which I think is totally necessary for adults sometimes!!

    Yesterday he woke up with annoying level 1 or 1.5 pain, and tried sleeping it off, despite this never having worked before. He proved, once and for all, that sleeping does not fix the pain, and it usually in fact makes it worse. He finally got up around 3 p.m. Later in the evening we went to Trinity Hall to play trivia again like last Sunday. I really like having a regularly scheduled activity with friends. I think that next week Doc and I and Kathryn and hopefully Brittney and Chris, and perhaps some other people (?) will form our own team. We did kind of kick ass in the “computers” category, getting 10 out of 10 answers correct.


  3. Doc’s not had a good week

    September 29, 2007 :: 10:42 am

    His post from yesterday…

    Nice Birthday so far…

    The pain is out of control today…

    I started waking up around 5 am for short periods as the waves of pain reached a level I couldn’t sleep through (1-2) I would then pass out and go back to the nightmares I was having. During one of these short periods of being awake I made note that the pain seemed to be switching sides although I don’t know if I was cognitive enough to judge if it was a “wrong side cluster” or migraine-like in nature.

    When I got up I had a throbbing pain in the cluster area that was well into the 1-2 level. I tried to relax and ride it out but around 9:15 it started to ramp up and became a full on attack that had rapid waves of 6-7 and a baseline of about a 5. This is a bit unusual, most of my clusters don’t seem to “throb” as bad as this one did.

    So here is the real sucky part… when it “broke” it never fully went away, it only dropped to around a 2 with waves approaching 3 for like the last 2 hours.

    I am hoping for some relief soon…

    4:45pm
    The level 1-2 cluster pain has been pretty much constant since the last time I posted. Now on top of that I feel like I have a pretty intense “migraine” layered with it, it I feel it mostly on the cluster side but its more spread out and often throbs on the other side as well. Light sensitivity, feeling queasy, wanting to lie down and rest…all the things associated with migraines… along with the pin point cluster pain that makes you want to move and such.

    its very tiring.

    2:05am
    The pain continued the rest of the evening. eventually the cluster “layer” faded mostly leaving the migraine “layer” (still on the wrong side). The migraine became a bit worse and I also started getting sharp stabbing pains in the back of my head that would make me wince and flinch. I still feel pretty crappy. But I guess I am going to try yo go to bed anyway.

    This has been a simply horrible day for the most part. Thank god for my wife, she gave me presents, got me a tasty diner, rubbed my head and generally made me have a little joy amidst the pain.


  4. Sick and tired

    September 6, 2007 :: 4:08 pm

    I’ve been feeling rather awful the past few days, which made being on a plane really fun. It feels like Stomach Flu Lite. It’s really weird, too, because for the past 24 hours or so I have actually had an appetite (unlike the previous 24 hours) but every time I eat, I feel terrible afterwards. I haven’t had a lot of sleep for the past 2 days either, because I haven’t felt well, so I am both sick AND tired.

    And last night Doc had a really bad cluster headache in the middle of the night (actually more like 6 a.m.). He said it was about a level 6, which hasn’t happened in a while. Also, strangely but not so strangely, he feels like those are almost preferable to the less intense ones, because at least with the intense ones, they END and afterwards he feels better.


  5. Doc’s feeling a bit better

    August 27, 2007 :: 7:29 pm

    Doc’s been feeling somewhat decent the past few days… relatively speaking, of course. He’s woken up without much of a headache, and that is a nice change. It usually hits later in the day but I don’t think it’s to the degree that it has been recently.

    He says that the Depakote is doing really weird things to him. Before, the headaches would come in long waves, kind of like a sine wave that went really high in intensity for a while, then would dip somewhat lower for a while. Now the headaches come in shorter bursts that don’t get quite as high or as low. Both amplitude-modulated and frequency-modulated. Also, it’s like the cluster and the migraine and the Depakote are in a 3-way knock-down drag-out fight inside his skull, and one of them usually will have dominance for a short period before one of the other ones takes over for a while.

    He has to gradually build up to taking 4 pills a day. Tonight he starts on week #3 (3 pills). Should be interesting to see what happens when he’s on a full dose.

    Saturday we had a good day. Spent a lot of quality time together, I went to Molly’s wedding shower, we went out to the movies to see “Stardust,” which was quite surprisingly good and then later watched “The Constant Gardener” from Netflix, and we ate takeout for dinner.

    At Molly’s shower, I saw a girl that I remembered from high school but haven’t seen since 1990. She and I had a class together and we sat together every day and goofed off the entire year. She was a year younger than me but she was one of the “cool kids,” the ones who occasionally cut class, probably smoked and drank, and generally had a much more developed social life than I did. But she hung out with me in class, talked to me, seemed to like or at least accept me. I definitely remembered her for that, and occasionally wondered what happened to her. I didn’t know that Molly was friends with her younger sister. She now has three kids, including a 2 week old baby girl and a 3 year old boy who knows all the words to Johnny Cash’s entire repertoire, and is as funny as ever. She said that she remembers me, although I’m not sure that’s actually true. She may have said it just to be nice. It doesn’t matter, though, I had a good time talking to her his weekend.

    Today I began lunchtime yoga classes. I haven’t taken yoga in a year and a half, because I was lazy, training for a marathon, and really liked going out to eat every day instead. But I’m changing my ways now. I hope to go to yoga at least 2 out of 3 times per week, endeavor to cut back on my seriously out of control diet-Coke habit (by not drinking any before lunch time, for starters), and to continue my healthy diet changes. I’ve already stopped eating all deli meat (turkey, ham, roast beef, etc) and have cut way down on my meat consumption in general. I’m trying to eat more fruit (breakfast smoothies help a lot with that). More changes probably to come, but I think these are good goals to start with.

    Anway, after yoga I felt fantastic all afternoon, as I usually do when I get those endorphins going in my bloodstream. I am certain that tomorrow I will barely be able to move! But I should be used to it after a week or so, I think.


  6. Coming Back Up from Rock Bottom!!

    August 15, 2007 :: 9:28 am

    After Doc’s visit to the emergency room three weeks ago, his migraine has gradually been getting less intense, one little baby step at a time. Actually it’s been more like 3 steps forward, one step back. Monday night he still had his buddy Mr. Migraine hanging out with him, and then their asshole next door neighbor Mr. Cluster came by for a drop-in visit, and surely overstayed his welcome, partying all night with Mr. Migraine and refusing to go home.

    Tuesday afternoon, Doc went to see a neurologist, Dr. Maureen Watts of the Dallas Headache Association. She works in the same clinic as Dr. Stuart Black, who is supposed to be one of the world’s leading specialists in headaches. He couldn’t get in to see Dr. Black, of course, as he seems to be booked up through the summer of 2008.

    From what Doc told me about his visit, Dr. Watts seemed to actually take an interest in helping him feel better long-term, rather than acting dismissive and throwing drugs at him. He’s had so many bad experiences with doctors who don’t seem interested in getting to the bottom of what is causing his many and varied problems, and who don’t seem to want to deal with him because he’s not an “easy” patient.

    Doc wrote up several pages of history, detailing his health issues, that he gave to Dr. Watts. She read it while he sat there, and then asked him specific questions about things in his report. (I think that doctors love it when you come to them with a well-thought-out detailed list like that.)

    She said that from what he described, he definitely has both cluster headaches and migraine headaches (which is rare, but it can happen), and although she’s not a sleep specialist, probably some form of narcolepsy as well.

    And this was really the most important thing, I think, to me at least: She believed him. She understands what he is going through. She doesn’t think he’s crazy or making it up. She is on his side, a partner in helping him get well again.

    He now has some anti-seizure medication (I believe it’s called Depakote) to try. Theoretically it can break the headache cycle, although will be more effective on clusters than the migraines. If it works, he’ll be on it daily for the rest of his life. And that kind of sucks, but if that’s the trade off for not getting headaches, so be it.

    Next steps include another visit with Dr. Becker, the sleep doctor, some bloodwork, possibly an MRI, and some additional follow up visits to check progress.

    I generally hate to feel optimistic about this kind of thing, because invariably that eventually leads to disappointment… but I can’t help it. I have hope that this doctor is going to be the one that’s finally going to help pull him out of his pain.


  7. I feel crappy, oh so crappy…

    August 11, 2007 :: 6:05 pm

    I feel kind of like crap that’s been run over by a truck full of crap. Migraine style headache, exacerbated by a pulled muscle in my neck and upper back, as well as light sensitivity from my right eye and wearing these thick magnifying glasses. Oh, and cramps to boot!

    Just want to lie here with a sleep mask over my eyes and the heating pad on my back… (oh, and a fan blowing on me to cool me off ’cause a heating pad isn’t particularly comfortable when it’s 102 degrees outside).


  8. Eyeball Scarring

    August 10, 2007 :: 3:35 pm

    My right eye has been red and irritated for about a week, so I finally went to the eye doctor yesterday. Turns out that I have permanent scar tissue damage to my eyeball, and my contact lens has been rubbing at it and irritating the scarred area, right at the edge of the iris. It also turns out that the damage was caused in the first place by long-time use of contact lenses.

    Since the scar tissue won’t ever go away, this is probably going to be a periodic problem for the rest of my life. The only big-picture answer is to cut back on the amount of time I wear my contact lenses and to keep my eyes hydrated all the time with Optive eye drops.

    Short-term, I’m off contacts for a week (thank god I replaced my ugly giant coke-bottle glasses with small cute new ones a year ago), and I have medicinal drops in addition to the Optive.

    Sooner rather than later, I’ll have to get a new pair of contact lenses as well. I’ve had these for over a decade (waaaaay too long) and most likely they’re not fitting quite as well as they used to, which contributes to the irritation. I just have to figure out how long I have to wait before my insurance will help me out, in its very tiny way, with the cost.

    I like the way my glasses look, but the problem is that they seem to collect and magnify sunlight, beaming it directly into my eyes. Sunny days are almost too much to bear. I probably need to buy some clip-on shades (that might be an errand for this weekend) or just wear a hat while outside.

    Also, I’ve been having headaches for a while now (which I try not to complain about, for reasons that I hope are obvious) but I have to wonder if it’s not connected to the eye irritation and strain and light sensitivity. They’ve felt migrainey in nature, though not full-blown.


  9. I’m feeling a bit better

    July 29, 2007 :: 8:35 pm

    Everyone has been so nice to me for the past few days (not that you aren’t usually :) I really appreciate it. I realize that this is going to sound completely cheeseball, but it means so much to me that you guys have been so concerned about Doc (and me) and have been so quick to help us out in so many ways. I know that’s what friends do: we get each other through the tough times, providing an ear, a shoulder and a kleenex when we can’t figure out how to cope with the shit that life has thrown at us. And sometimes, when we haven’t seen each other in way too long, we pick up like it was only yesterday. I just hope that I can return the favor someday.

    I’ve felt rather wiped out, mentally and physically… I guess it was a cumulative effect, culminating on Wednesday with the emergency room visit and all. I’m definitely feeling better now than I was last week. Stopping my Project 365 was a surprisingly huge relief, and once I beat it into my own thick head that it was OK to just go out to eat if I don’t feel like cooking, I suddenly felt like cooking again. Go figure.

    My boss let me take the day off on Thursday, Kathryn came over that evening to hang out, and Brett showed up with a cubic meter of Italian food. I saw Debbie and Rachel, neither of whom I’ve seen in ages, on Saturday at Ginger’s wedding shower, then on Saturday night Brittney, Yvonne and Nate came over for margaritas and dinner. I had a great time playing with Zoe, and she smiled and laughed a lot (Yvonne said it was real smiling, not just gas :)

    Enough about me. Doc has been up and down since I last wrote. The hydrocodone prescription from the E.R. has run out, but I think those pills were causing him not to be able to sleep (even moreso than usual). And also, did you know that those pills cost thirteen cents each? Crazy. I was expecting multiple dozens of dollars for the 5-pill prescription, as seems to be our fate with the medications that we need, and it was all of 65 cents. Embarrassingly enough, I did not have exact change and had to break a $20. The pharmacist looked like she wanted to roll her eyes at me, and I don’t blame her. Who doesn’t have 65 cents at the bottom of their purse?! (Me, apparently).

    Anyway, Saturday was a pretty good day: Doc felt better than he had in a long time. Today was not so good. His head hurt pretty bad and he’s been falling asleep randomly all day. About 9 p.m. he said that he felt awake for the first time today.

    I’m hoping that he’ll at least start having more good days than bad ones, if he can’t be pain free.


  10. Thanks guys. :)

    July 25, 2007 :: 10:02 pm

    I just wanted to take a minute to thank all of our wonderful friends — especially Kathryn, Arushi, Britt, Bob, Joel, everyone who has left comments here, listened to us bitch, let me cry on the phone, drove me places. Knowing you care is a huge comfort.

    I don’t take y’all for granted, even if I’m not always that good at expressing myself.

    I love you guys.


  11. Things I’m letting go.

    :: 9:48 pm

    Been thinking a lot about what to let go, to cut down on my stress. I need to be as healthy as I can to support Doc while he’s having a rough go of it, and to make it through all the extra work I have committed to.

    So I’ve decided to put one thing on hiatus, and stopping worrying so much about a second thing.

    As of 2 days ago, Project 365 is on officially on summer vacation. Hopefully only for a few weeks, but eliminating the stress of “oh fuck, it’s almost time to go to bed and I still haven’t taken a photo” is going to make a difference. It’s not like I’m doing it for anyone except myself, anyway, and I need to learn how not to feel guilty about failing to achieve personal goals, so this is a good start.

    And the thing I’m going to quit worrying about is cooking vs. eating out. The stupid spaghetti incident from last night made me realize that not wanting to cook, and getting takeout instead, is not the end of the world. I routinely worry about what to pack for my breakfast and lunch for work, and about cooking when I get home at night, WAY more than most people probably think I do. Planning all that is so prevalent in my mind that it’s probably adding more to my stress levels than I ever realized. So if I’m tired, I’m going to go out and just not worry about it.

    For a while.

    Until my August and September freelance hell months are over.

    Until Doc starts feeling better.


  12. Back from the E.R.

    :: 9:41 pm

    Too exhausted to write much, but the CAT scan came back clear. No tumors.

    Hydrocodone definitely dulls his pain but he’s totally stoned at the same time, so it’s not much of a solution.

    Good news is, going to the ER got him some sort of emergency referral to Dr. Black, the headache neurologist who’s “booked up” until 2008. Going to call him tomorrow and see when he can see Doc.

    Had good experiences at the hospital. Doc felt like this time (his 4th time in the ER for headaches, the other 3 were before I met him) people were taking him seriously and not just saying “you have a headache, take some tylenol” and sending him home. Doctors seemed concerned, wanted CAT scan done. Several different people asked him who his neurologist was and seemed surprised that he didn’t have one, so rather than a “do you want to see a neurologist about your problem?” attitude, it was more like “um, sir, someone in your condition NEEDS to be seeing a neurologist.” That was definitely a positive experience for him. The nurse who gave Doc the pain shot and who checked us out at the end was so nice and so concerned about him, she seemed very sincere and caring. I didn’t get her name. When we initially got to the hospital and had to park a few blocks from the ER in the only parking we could find, a hospital worker pulled alongside us in his truck and offered us a ride up to the ER, which we took. VERY good hospital experiences this time.

    Of course, we haven’t yet gotten the bill.