‘Weird Stuff’ Category

  1. Abortion gift certificates?

    December 7, 2008

    Overheard on the local news TV station just now: “People do not support the idea of gift certificates for abortion. We’ll have more after the break.”

    W…T…F?!

    The real story is not as strange as the news made it out to sound, quite unsurprisingly. By the way, I despise it when news programs do that… in a desperate attempt to retain viewers, they make an exaggerated or shock-value statement in order to get people to stick around and watch the advertisements so they don’t miss ‘the rest of the story’ when the news returns.

    Planned Parenthood of Indiana is offering gift certificates that can be used toward any of their health care services, including abortions. I think the idea of GC’s for health services is maybe a little weird, but we are living in a world where lots of people don’t have health insurance, so… OK. Perhaps a gift card that could be redeemed for a yearly checkup or pap smear or birth control would be appreciated. But how do you give such a gift? “Happy Holidays! Here’s a gift certificate for an upcoming abortion or other health service of your choice!” Just plain odd.


  2. Best. Spam E-mail. Ever.

    September 20, 2007

    Normally I don’t read the spam e-mails that get through my filters; I can tell by the subject line or sender name that they are junk and delete them unread. But for some reason this one caught my attention this morning. It made me laugh out loud.

    While soaring through the web on the winged horse of inspiration i came across the magnificent manifestation that is your web presence. Your site resonates with the kindling of creativity. You are wonderfully gifted and your cyberexistence is a pleasure to peruse. Thank you for sharing your authentic and nurturing reality as your life and work are significant. I wish you the power of enlightenment and an inspired life. 

    May you connect more deeply with yourself and may yours be an angelic existence where you unleash your bliss.

    Yours in Earthly Communication
    Micheal Teal
    The Ancient One


  3. Misdirected answers

    May 23, 2007

    I just got a text message from a number I don’t recognize… three of them, actually. The first one starts out:

    Chemistry answers 1a 2c 3a 4b 5b 6c 7e 8c… 

    And goes on like that over the course of three messages, all the way up to answer #77.

    I considered texting back “Wrong number!” but that would make me a party to cheating. Looks like someone is going to fail their Chemistry final!


  4. My Evil Twin

    April 5, 2007


    It looks like my life of crime has come to an end…. or at least that of my evil twin, who apparently lives in Grapevine.

    GRAPEVINE, Texas — Grapevine police have in custody a woman accused of going on a shopping spree with her boyfriend using a stolen Target credit card.Irving police arrested Honey Bowling, 27, and she is now in Grapevine police custody. She is accused of opening the store card with a victim’s personal information. 

    If you know me, you know that she looks enough like me to be my twin. I’m kind of freaked out by the similarity!


  5. oneaday & diet coke does not a breakfast make

    December 1, 2005

    i don’t think that i can take vitamins anymore. at least, not on an empty stomach. diet coke, apparently, is the same thing as an empty stomach. i almost threw up this morning at work.

    it seems that the older i get, the less well my body seems to function. i always RATIONALLY knew this would happen, but it always seemed light years away. the invincibility of youth is wearing off. damn.

    these kids had a dance party at walmart. this is exactly the sort of thing i would have done in high school or college, as ‘outsider art’. too bad we didn’t really have the technology back then.

    beedogs: who knew?


  6. bananaphone

    October 10, 2005

    ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring…

    bananaphone!


  7. horsegrenades

    September 29, 2005

    almost only counts in handshoes and horse grenades.


  8. what would jesus smell (like)?

    September 7, 2005

    from the strange and/or sad news files…

    Couple Sells Candles That Smell Like Jesus
    Product Flying Off Shelves
    Now there’s a candle that lets you experience the scent of Jesus, and they’ve been selling out by the case. You can find candles with just about every fragrance imaginable, from blueberry to ocean mist to hot apple pie. “We see it as a ministry,” says Bob Tosterud, who together with his wife came up with the idea for the candle. Light up the candle called “His Essence” and its makers say you’ll experience the fragrance of Christ. 

    now, nothing against jesus; i’m sure the man was as nice as can be… but christ probably smelled like ass. people in that time period just did not bathe regularly. EVERYONE undoubtedly smelled like ass. including jesus. now do you REALLY want a jesus-scented candle? didn’t think so.

    Rescue ‘ticket’
    Posted: 6:24 p.m. ET
    CNN’s Drew Griffin in New Orleans, Louisiana
    “I am stunned by an interview I conducted with New Orleans Detective Lawrence Dupree. He told me they were trying to rescue people with a helicopter and the people were so poor they were afraid it would cost too much to get a ride and they had no money for a ‘ticket.’ Dupree was shaken telling us the story. He just couldn’t believe these people were afraid they’d be charged for a rescue.” 

    and last but not least, foamy the squirrel reports to us, live from new orleans, with a very special message.


  9. want to be disturbed?

    August 7, 2005

    then check this out… rubber johnny.

    or something a bit on the lighter side, but still disturbing in its own way… unfortunate children’s books.


  10. who doesn’t love infected corn?

    July 3, 2005

    i can’t believe i didn’t post this earlier… i’ve been grossing out over it all week. this is from thesneeze.com (“half zine. half blog. half not good with fractions”, a site with witty quips like “cookies are kinda like cake jerky”).

    STEVE, DON’T EAT IT: steve taste-tests things that probably shouldn’t be taste-tested, and reports the results back to us. things like pickled pig skin, breast milk, Urkel-O’s cereal (“Fun, circle-shaped product. I had no idea circles were so fun. At least now I know what to get the kids next Christmas. A fucking circle.”)

    and…

    cuitlacoche: a fungus that infects corn fields, making kernels turn black and slimy and swell to enormous proportions. “I’ve read that U.S. farmers consider it a disease and destroy it. Farmers in Mexico put it in cans and sell it as a delicacy.”

    so here is an actual photo of a can of cuitlacoche, unceremoniously dumped out onto a nice clean plate.

    Steve says: “Don’t worry, I checked the ingredients before I tasted it. “Smoker’s lung” was not on there.

    Before I even got the whole can open, I detected a vague aroma of sweet corn, along with what I can only describe as a deep musky funk. Put ‘em together and it smells like corn that forgot to wipe.”

    Click here for more…


  11. joyce at pork tornado

    May 26, 2005



  12. bj maxx

    May 6, 2005

    Hungary is considering allowing solicitation for prostitution in shopping malls, so long as the act itself is performed elsewhere.

    The Top 5 Names for the Mall Prostitution Store

    • Bed, Bang and Begone
    • BJ Maxx
    • Sbarrho
    • Chick-Fel-8

    and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Name for the Mall Prostitution Store…

    • Twattery Barn