Saturday I didn’t get much accomplished save grocery shopping and having the Prius’ tire pressure adjusted (I suppose that’s better than nothing).

Today, we took a trip to the hardware store, discovered that replacement bathtub drain levers are inexpensive but cheaply made and available only in shiny chrome finish (thanks but no thanks), and found some heavy duty storage bins and new doorstoppers.

This afternoon, I replaced the electrical outlet by my bed with an adapter that gives me six outlets (no more extension cord tangle by the bed). I also began — and am about to go finish — the process of reducing the tangle of cables in our and Jamie’s bedroom closets by running the existing CAT6 cable from the attic into an ethernet outlet. Sounds fancy, doesn’t it? I think Doc could do this stuff in his sleep but I wanted to attempt to tackle a home improvement project myself, and this one seemed fairly straightforward.

I’m not even going to describe the myriad of problems I ran into. Suffice it to say, I am now quite familiar with our house’s internal structure, and also am completely comfortable traipsing around in our unfinished attic (unfounded fear, conquered!). Who knew that ceiling studs are only 18″ apart and easy to walk on? Anyway, I now need to install the box and faceplate on the wall and then patch up the… um… numerous holes I made in the ceiling and wall. Spackle FTW!

Doc taught Jamie to say a new phrase, so now his response when we say, “Jamie, we have a league game next Saturday!” is “Dude. I don’t roll on Shabbas.”

You may have noticed (or perhaps you forgot, or didn’t care in the first place) that I have changed the look of the site. This is just a standard out of the box WordPress template. And if you know me, you know I can’t leave well enough alone and leave something uncustomized. So more changes to come.

And, like usual, most of my posts will probably be kiddo-related, since that’s pretty much what my life is about these days. (I am not complaining, really. I love that kiddo like crazy.)

All-Purpose Cleaner: Mix 1/2 cup vinegar and 1/4 cup baking soda (or 2 teaspoons borax) into 1/2 gallon (2 liters) water. Store and keep. Use for removal of water deposit stains on shower stall panels, bathroom chrome fixtures, windows, bathroom mirrors, etc.

Another alternative are microfiber cloths which lift off dirt, grease and dust without the need for cleaning chemicals, because they are formulated to penetrate and trap dirt. There are a number of different brands. A good quality cloth can last for several years.

Air Freshener: Commercial air fresheners mask smells and coat nasal passages to diminish the sense of smell.

• Baking soda or vinegar with lemon juice in small dishes absorbs odors around the house.
• Having houseplants helps reduce odors in the home.
• Prevent cooking odors by simmering vinegar (1 tbsp in 1 cup water) on the stove while cooking. To get such smells as fish and onion off utensils and cutting boards, wipe them with vinegar and wash in soapy water.
• Keep fresh coffee grounds on the counter.
• Grind up a slice of lemon in the garbage disposal.
• Simmer water and cinnamon or other spices on stove.
• Place bowls of fragrant dried herbs and flowers in room.

Bathroom mold: Mold in bathroom tile grout is a common problem and can be a health concern. Mix one part hydrogen peroxide (3%) with two parts water in a spray bottle and spray on areas with mold. Wait at least one hour before rinsing or using shower.

Carpet stains: Mix equal parts white vinegar and water in a spray bottle. Spray directly on stain, let sit for several minutes, and clean with a brush or sponge using warm soapy water.

For fresh grease spots, sprinkle corn starch onto spot and wait 15 – 30 minutes before vacuuming.

For a heavy duty carpet cleaner, mix 1/4 cup each of salt, borax and vinegar. Rub paste into carpet and leave for a few hours. Vacuum.

Chopping block cleaner: Rub a slice of lemon across a chopping block to disinfect the surface. For tougher stains, squeeze some of the lemon juice onto the spot and let sit for 10 minutes, then wipe.

Coffee and tea stains: Stains in cups can be removed by applying vinegar to a sponge and wiping. To clean a teakettle or coffee maker, add 2 cups water and 1/4 cup vinegar; bring to a boil. Let cool, wipe with a clean cloth and rinse thoroughly with water.

Deodorize:

• Plastic food storage containers – soak overnight in warm water and baking soda
• In-sink garbage disposal units – grind up lemon or orange peel in the unit
• Carpets – sprinkle baking soda several hours before vacuuming
• Garage, basements – set a sliced onion on a plate in center of room for 12 – 24 hours

Dishwasher Soap: Mix equal parts of borax and washing soda, but increase the washing soda if your water is hard.

If you want to use a commercial dishwashing soap, try Nellie’s All-Natural diswasher powder, which contains no bleach or phosphates.

Dishwashing Soap: Commercial low-phosphate detergents are not themselves harmful, but phosphates nourish algae which use up oxygen in waterways. A detergent substitution is to use liquid soap. Add 2 or 3 tablespoons of vinegar to the warm, soapy water for tough jobs.

Disinfectant: Mix 2 teaspoons borax, 4 tablespoons vinegar and 3 cups hot water. For stronger cleaning power add 1/4 teaspoon liquid castile soap. Wipe on with dampened cloth or use non-aerosol spray bottle. (This is not an antibacterial formula. The average kitchen or bathroom does not require antibacterial cleaners.)

To disinfect kitchen sponges, put them in the dishwasher when running a load.

Drain Cleaner: For light drain cleaning, mix 1/2 cup salt in 4 liters water, heat (but not to a boil) and pour down the drain. For stronger cleaning, pour about 1/2 cup baking soda down the drain, then 1/2 cup vinegar. The resulting chemical reaction can break fatty acids down into soap and glycerine, allowing the clog to wash down the drain. After 15 minutes, pour in boiling water to clear residue.

Caution: only use this method with metal plumbing. Plastic pipes can melt if excess boiling water is used. Also, do not use this method after trying a commercial drain opener–the vinegar can react with the drain opener to create dangerous fumes.

Fabric softener: To reduce static cling, dampen your hands, then shake out your clothes as you remove them from the drier. Line-drying clothing is another alternative.

Floor Cleaner and Polish:

• vinyl and linoleum: mix 1 cup vinegar and a few drops of baby oil in 1 gallon warm water. For tough jobs, add 1/4 cup borox. Use sparingly on lineoleum.
• wood: apply a thin coat of 1:1 vegetable oil and vinegar and rub in well.
• painted wood: mix 1 teaspoon washing soda into 1 gallon (4L) hot water.
• brick and stone tiles: mix 1 cup white vinegar in 1 gallon (4L) water; rinse with clear water.

Most floor surfaces can be easily cleaned using a solution of vinegar and water. For damp-mopping wood floors: mix equal amounts of white distilled vinegar and water. Add 15 drops of pure peppermint oil; shake to mix.

Furniture Polish: For varnished wood, add a few drops of lemon oil into a 1/2 cup warm water. Mix well and spray onto a soft cotton cloth. Cloth should only be slightly damp. Wipe furniture with the cloth, and finish by wiping once more using a dry soft cotton cloth.

For unvarnished wood, mix two tsps each of olive oil and lemon juice and apply a small amount to a soft cotton cloth. Wring the cloth to spread the mixture further into the material and apply to the furniture using wide strokes. This helps distribute the oil evenly.

Laundry Detergent: Mix 1 cup Ivory soap (or Fels Naptha soap), 1/2 cup washing soda and 1/2 cup borax. Use 1 tbsp for light loads; 2 tbsp for heavy loads. Commercial natural, biodegradable laundry detergents are also now available online and in select stores.

Lime Deposits: You can reduce lime deposits in your teakettle by putting in 1/2 cup (125ml) white vinegar and 2 cups water, and gently boiling for a few minutes. Rinse well with fresh water while kettle is still warm.

To remove lime scale on bathroom fixtures, squeeze lemon juice onto affected areas and let sit for several minutes before wiping clean with a wet cloth.

Marks on walls and painted surfaces: Many ink spots, pencil, crayon or marker spots can be cleaned from painted surfaces using baking soda applied to a damp sponge. Rub gently, then wipe and rinse.

Metal Cleaners and Polishes:

• aluminum: using a soft cloth, clean with a solution of cream of tartar and water.
• brass or bronze: polish with a soft cloth dipped in lemon and baking-soda solution, or vinegar and salt solution. Another method is to apply a dab of ketchup on a soft cloth and rub over tarnished spots.
• chrome: polish with baby oil, vinegar, or aluminum foil shiny side out.
• copper: soak a cotton rag in a pot of boiling water with 1 tablespoon salt and 1 cup white vinegar. Apply to copper while hot; let cool, then wipe clean. For tougher jobs, sprinkle baking soda or lemon juice on a soft cloth, then wipe. For copper cookware, sprinkle a lemon wedge with salt, then scrub., A simpler method is to apply a dab of ketchup on a soft cloth and rub over tarnished spots.
• gold: clean with toothpaste, or a paste of salt, vinegar, and flour.
• silver: line a pan with aluminum foil and fill with water; add a teaspoon each of baking soda and salt. Bring to a boil and immerse silver. Polish with soft cloth.
• stainless steel: clean with a cloth dampened with undiluted white vinegar, or olive oil. For stainless cookware, mix 4 tbs baking soda in 1 qt water, and apply using a soft cloth. Wipe dry using a clean cloth. For stainless steel sinks, pour some club soda on an absorbent cloth to clean, then wipe dry using a clean cloth.

Mold and Mildew: Use white vinegar or lemon juice full strength. Apply with a sponge or scrubby.

Mothballs: The common mothball is made of paradichlorobenzene, which is harmful to liver and kidneys. Cedar chips in a cheesecloth square, or cedar oil in an absorbent cloth will repel moths. The cedar should be ‘aromatic cedar’, also referred to as juniper in some areas. Cedar chips are available at many craft supply stores, or make your own using a plane and a block of cedar from the lumberyard.

Homemade moth-repelling sachets can also be made with lavender, rosemary, vetiver and rose petals.

Dried lemon peels are also a natural moth deterrent – simply toss into clothes chest, or tie in cheesecloth and hang in the closet.

Oil and Grease Spots: For small spills on the garage floor, add baking soda and scrub with wet brush.

Oven Cleaner: Moisten oven surfaces with sponge and water. Use 3/4cup baking soda, 1/4cup salt and 1/4cup water to make a thick paste, and spread throughout oven interior. (avoid bare metal and any openings) Let sit overnight. Remove with spatula and wipe clean. Rub gently with fine steel wool for tough spots. Or use Arm & Hammer Oven Cleaner, declared nontoxic by Consumers Union.

Paint Brush Cleaner: Non-toxic, citrus oil based solvents are now available commercially under several brand names. Citra-Solve is one brand. This works well for cleaning brushes of oil-based paints. Paint brushes and rollers used for an on-going project can be saved overnight, or even up to a week, without cleaning at all. Simply wrap the brush or roller snugly in a plastic bag, such as a used bread or produce bag. Squeeze out air pockets and store away from light. The paint won’t dry because air can’t get to it. Simply unwrap the brush or roller the next day and continue with the job.

Fresh paint odors can be reduced by placing a small dish of white vinegar in the room.

Rust Remover: Sprinkle a little salt on the rust, squeeze a lime over the salt until it is well soaked. Leave the mixture on for 2 – 3 hours. Use leftover rind to scrub residue.

Scouring Powder: For top of stove, refrigerator and other such surfaces that should not be scratched, use baking soda. Apply baking soda directly with a damp sponge.

Shoe Polish: Olive oil with a few drops of lemon juice can be applied to shoes with a thick cotton or terry rag. Leave for a few minutes; wipe and buff with a clean, dry rag.

Stickers on walls: Our children covered the inside of their room doors with stickers. Now they are grown, but the stickers remained. To remove, sponge vinegar over them several times, and wait 15 minutes, then rub off the stickers. This also works for price tags (stickers) on tools, etc.

Toilet Bowl Cleaner: Mix 1/4 cup baking soda and 1 cup vinegar, pour into basin and let it set for a few minutes. Scrub with brush and rinse. A mixture of borax (2 parts) and lemon juice (one part) will also work.

Tub and Tile Cleaner: For simple cleaning, rub in baking soda with a damp sponge and rinse with fresh water. For tougher jobs, wipe surfaces with vinegar first and follow with baking soda as a scouring powder. (Vinegar can break down tile grout, so use sparingly.)

Wallpaper Remover: Mix equal parts of white vinegar and hot water, apply with sponge over the old wallpaper to soften the adhesive. Open room windows or use a fan to dissipate the pungent vinegar smell.

Water Rings on Wood: Water rings on a wooden table or counter are the result of moisture that is trapped under the topcoat, but not the finish. Try applying toothpaste or mayonnaise to a damp cloth and rub into the ring. Once the ring is removed, buff the entire wood surface.

Window Cleaner: Mix 2 teaspoons of white vinegar with 1 liter (qt) warm water. Use crumpled newspaper or cotton cloth to clean. Don’t clean windows if the sun is on them, or if they are warm, or streaks will show on drying. The All-Purpose Cleaner (above) also works well on windows. Be sure to follow the recipe, because using too strong a solution of vinegar will etch the glass and eventually cloud it.

A couple of initial observations. First, you have to “request an invitation” to Pinterest, then wait a few days for the official invitation to arrive in your email inbox. This is clearly meant to create suspense, and make potential users feel like membership is exclusive. Truly, I rolled my eyes when the confirmation message came up on the screen, “Thanks! We’ll send you an invite as soon as we can.” My immediate suspicious reaction was “Hey, asshats, I know you can send me one RIGHT NOW. You merely choose not to, in an attempt to whet my appetite for your service and make me feel grateful to be included when the invitation finally arrives.” It’s like being in junior high all over again. We only take CERTAIN PEOPLE in our club. Are you feeling left out and socially inept yet? You are? Good. Now you can join us.

My junior high reaction to that scenario was always, “Thanks but no thanks. And eff you, too.”

Perhaps I am overreacting to a very minor thing about Pinterest’s marketing strategy. In fact, re-reading this post, I’m sure I am overreacting. I guess I just don’t like being manipulated, and I’m smart enough to know when that’s happening.

But, like the addict who knows they ought to give up their poison, I am still using Pinterest anyway. And Facebook, for that matter. Also, I eat meat and drink diet soft drinks. Surely one of those things is going to kill me sooner or later.

Second, I really do like the idea of an image-sharing site. There are tons of cool things that I see and want to remember, but Facebooking about them, making reminders in my reminder list, or blogging about them just doesn’t seem to work well for me. I’m a visual person. Maybe this system will resonate better with me.

Third, Pinterest’s cultural code of conduct seems to be along the lines of “we are a small community, you are among the first to join, please just be nice to each other and give credit where credit is due, etc.” I appreciate that (and thrive in that type of community) but wonder how long it’s going to last. Because we all thought Google was serious with their “Don’t be evil” motto, didn’t we? Ha! Ugh. I have been on this planet long enough to understand that people are often rude and selfish jerks, especially in the context of anonymity on the internet. It brings out the worst in people. Just read the comments on Youtube sometime if you don’t believe me. And Pinterest doesn’t do anything to discourage anonymity. If it gains in popularity like I suspect it’s going to over the next few months, I wonder what’s going to happen.It will be interesting to watch.

And if you’re not interested in reading about the daily minutiae of being a parent of a toddler, you can probably just skip reading the rest of this post! Sorry, my two loyal readers, parenting pretty much consumes my life at this point.

*****

Our toddler is officially two and a half years old. WOW. This has been both the longest and shortest 2-1/2 years of my life. At a very basic level, I’m pleased that I have managed to keep another human being alive, safe, and as happy as relatively possible, for that long. At a higher level, I’m very proud of how well we have seemed to do in the genetic lottery. Sure, he’s got these food allergy issues and he’s very strong-willed and stubborn. But he also seems to be seriously intelligent and can be very very sweet when he wants to.

He is now pretty much talking in full sentences. We long ago stopped keeping track of how many words he can say because he can say nearly anything that he wants to now. I’d say his vocabulary is 500+ words.

He knows all his letters and their phonic sounds, and can count to twenty (and beyond, with a bit of prompting). He can draw a few of the letter shapes with crayon or chalk. He knows the words to most of the songs we sing to him, and can sing along fairly well, and sometimes in tune. One of his favorites is Seven Days of the Week (I Never Go to Work) by They Might Be Giants – he can sing the whole thing.

Jamie's happy face drawings look somewhat like this

He loves drawing, and his favorite thing to draw is “happy faces.” They look sorta like this (see my interpretation at right).

Unfortunately, he hasn’t yet outgrown his tendency to hit (or scratch) when he gets angry. I guess it’s normal for a 2 year old to be unable to control himself, but we keep trying, over and over again. He gets time outs when he hits or scratches, or for serious infractions of obedience. He definitely does not like the time outs (only 2 minutes long at this point), and we try to explain to him in simple language that we don’t hit (or scratch, or that he needs to listen to mommy and daddy and do what we say), that hitting hurts, and that it’s OK to be mad but not OK to hit. So far, none of this seems to be having an effect since he’ll hit us again the next time he gets angry, but I just hope that on some level he’s getting it. We’ve tried offering him alternatives to hitting, such as breathing deeply or using words to tell us that he’s mad, but he either can’t or won’t go that route.

One book I read said that for time outs to be effective, we need to show that we are sad that he made the choice (to hit, or whatever got him into timeout in the first place), and we are sad that he is having to pay the consequences for his choice. This is kind of hard to do when you as a parent are royally pissed off at just having been clocked across the face by a flailing 2 year old. Another book said that the best technique is to show no emotion at all, to just set the little offender in timeout and basically ignore them.

Jamie is constantly saying things like “Daddy be happy.” and “Mommy be sad.” — he wants to control our emotions by just ordering us to be happy or to be sad. He likes having control over his environment and the people around him. When he’s in timeout, he knows that he has upset us, and so through his crying he is pleading with us “Mommy be happy, mommy be happy, mommy be happy.”

We have started telling him that he cannot make us be sad or happy just by demanding it, but he can control his own behaviour, and that his behaviour influences mommy and daddy’s happiness. It’s a fine line and a hard concept for someone his age, I know.

And while I understand the idea behind appearing sad that he’s made a poor choice, part of me thinks he needs to understand that his actions can cause other people to be angry, and that anger can be directed at him, and that it’s something that he doesn’t like and should change his actions so he can avoid it happening in the future. I’m not talking about corporal punishment — we are firmly against spanking or hitting our child for any reason. But like this morning he smacked me as I was trying to get him dressed, and I had a tough time controlling my anger. I didn’t yell but I put him in timeout and I definitely raised my voice more than I normally do, telling him that I was angry with him for hitting me.

Maybe not the best choice, but then again – shouldn’t he know that his actions can make Mommy angry?

At any rate, I’m pretty sure I’m not doing timeouts right. I let him know I’m unhappy, I ask him why he is in timeout (he usually tells me correctly what he did to get there), I explain that we don’t hit, because hitting hurts, and I sit there with him the whole time – usually. I think maybe I need to just have a sad look on my face, set him in timeout without telling him what he did wrong (’cause he knows), and leave the room for the 2 minutes. Then after it’s over, no rehashing of anything, no demanding an apology or a kiss or hug — just go on about our day like nothing happened.

It’s worth a try, I guess.

In health news, he’s been off his steroid inhaler since some time early this spring. His new gastroenterologist (whom we really like — Dr. Michael Russo at Children’s Medical Center in Plano) felt he didn’t need to be on it anymore. It seems that he was right, although it’s kind of hard to tell these days. Jamie has days where his eczema flares up for reasons we can’t figure out, and he also has days where he’s super cranky for no discernible reason. Could be that he just doesn’t feel well, or that he’s managed to ingest something that he’s sensitive to. I’m not sure the inhaler was really helping too much with that aspect of things, anyway.

He’s been sleeping through the night most nights (this means about 8:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m., with some variation day to day) since late August of last year. And this has been beyond awesome. However, we have always stayed in his room with him until he falls asleep, a process that can take anywhere from 30 minutes on a good night to an hour and a half on a bad night (and the same thing with nap time). Since I usually do bedtime duty (maybe 6 out of 7 nights), this presented two big challenges to me, personally:

1. By the time I was done putting Jamie to bed, it would be generally close to 9 p.m. I try to go to bed around 10:30 or 11, so I only had a very short window of time to cook dinner, eat dinner, clean up from dinner, do my chores around the house, plan meals, make lists, complete any freelance work that needed to be done, spend some quality time with my husband, spend a bit of time watching TV/reading/having fun/talking/winding down, and anything else that I wished to do that evening. (Caveat to my dear husband: this is not meant to make it sound like you don’t do the cooking or chores. You do. It’s hard for both of us to fit everything in to that short time frame.)
2. Sitting in that quiet darkened room for an hour signaled my body to shut down, that it was time for me to go to bed too. So after I was done with Jamie for the evening, I had pretty much no energy or motivation to do anything. This meant that if I was going to complete any of the aforementioned evening tasks, it would take a monumental force of will, which I usually just didn’t have. So consequently, I would pretty much scrounge for something to eat and sit on the couch exhausted, thinking about everything that I SHOULD be doing but wasn’t, until bed time.

So a while back, we realized that we needed to start the long, gradual process of teaching him how to fall asleep on his own. It began with us lying beside his bed, holding his widdle hand, until he fell asleep  – this was pretty much our baseline routine for a long time. Then we moved to us sitting in the rocking chair while he stayed in bed. Then we moved to sitting beside his door. And a couple of weeks ago, we decided to try The Next Big Step, sitting OUTSIDE his door while he fell asleep.

I planned to make this an extremely gradual process, taking place over the course of at least a month. I though I’d begin with opening his door a crack while I sat beside it, waiting for him to fall asleep. Over the course of the month, I would widen the crack in the door until it was mostly open. Then I would gradually move from inside the room, to sitting in the doorway, to sitting outside in the hallway. And if all that went OK, I would very gradually close his door until it was shut.

The very first night I tried this, I opened the door just about two inches and plopped myself down into my usual spot, lying by the door in the dark. And what should happen next? Neko, the big fat striped kitty, nosed her way in through the crack and slipped past me, collar tags jangling in the quiet room. Of course Jamieson popped right up from bed and said, “Mama! Neko in Jamie’s room!” I sighed and thought, GREAT. Thanks, cat, for interrupting and waking him back up. But then something occurred to me. I could USE this situation to my advantage. So I scooped up Neko, walked over to Jamie’s bed, and said, “OK, baby, say goodnight to Neko. I need to take her out of your room now.” He said nighty night to the kitty, and I opened his door all the way and set her down outside. Then I said to him, “Jamie, I’m going to sit here in your doorway and make sure she doesn’t come back in, OK?” He said, “OK.” So… I sat down outside his doorway with the door about halfway open, and prevented Neko from re-entering until Jamie fell asleep about 45 minutes later.

I should clarify that he loves his kitties to death, and he is not afraid of them. He just feels, apparently, that they don’t belong in his room at night.

The next night, I allowed Neko to come in shortly after he’d crawled into bed. I told him again, “Uh-oh, here’s Neko. I’ll take her out and sit by your door to make sure she doesn’t come back inside.” It took about 40 minutes for him to fall asleep that night.

Yes, I threw the cat under the bus and used her as an excuse. Sometimes you just have to grasp at any available opportunity…

And so it went, night after night. Now it’s been about two weeks, and as soon as we are done snuggling and singing songs, I tell him goodnight, give him a kiss, and go sit outside the doorway, with the door open about four inches. No drama, no fanfare, it’s just the routine.

(Usually when I tell him goodnight, he asks me to “lay by Jamie bed for few minutes,” which I’m more than happy to do. I lay there, hold his hand, and about ten minutes later I kiss him goodnight and go.)

He actually can’t see if I’m there or not when the door is only open a few inches. Sometimes I’ll quietly head downstairs before he’s asleep. I’m pretty sure that he knows I’m not there anymore, but I haven’t brought it up yet. Not sure if I should or not.

And Doc has been doing the same thing at nap time (although I think that he generally hangs out in the hallway outside the bedroom until he’s sure Jamie is asleep, which is definitely a good idea at naptime. Naptime is a whole different animal than bedtime).

SO… the point of this long detailed story is that I feel, physically, MILES better than I did when I was lying in the dark waiting for him to fall asleep. I don’t stress anymore about how long it’s taking him to go to sleep, watching the minutes tick by and my free evening time evaporate before my eyes. My body doesn’t think that it’s MY bedtime, too. I have energy and a positive attitude and can accomplish basic household chores before bedtime.

And I am also happy that he’s learning to fall asleep by himself (or “by all self,” as he says). It’s an important skill to learn, but a tough one. Doc thinks (and I agree for the most part) that it’s been tougher on him than he’s letting on, and it may be why he’s been a bit crabbier than usual for the past few days. He lets things build up and then it comes out in a fury of hitting or scratching or just general “unexplained” anger and crabbiness.

We’ll just need to keep an eye on his moods and attitudes, and perhaps think about adjusting the routine a bit and see if it has a positive effect.

For my last bit of update (for those of you who are still reading and have not fallen asleep), we’re attempting to slowly introduce potty training. He was pretty interested for a while around the beginning of the year, but he resists trying more than he accepts it these days. And we definitely don’t want to be pushy about it or turn it into any sort of conflict or battle (because we will LOSE). We’ve been trying to make it a bit more routine, just to get him used to it, by setting him on the potty first thing in the morning and also before he goes to bed, when we go to the bathroom to brush teeth. No fanfare, no drama, no asking him if he wants to — just unfasten the diaper and set him down without a fuss, like it is a completely normal routine thing to do. He was a bit resistant to it at first, but we keep trying over and over and so now he’ll generally sit down without complaint and he’ll actually go about 75% of the time. And he is SO PROUD of himself when he does manage to go. I think it’s just going to take a long long time with him — like most things. All three of us fare better in the end if we pay attention to his signals and take things slowly, on his schedule.

Overall his pronunciation is improving drastically, too.

He is also using sentences of up to five words. We taught him to say “I want” when he wants something, rather than just saying “Meeee! meee! meee!” over and over while pointing to something, or saying the name of the object over and over again. This morning at breakfast, with oatmeal on his hand and face, he busted out with “I want wipe, Mommy, please.”

One of the most amazing things I have ever experienced is that kid’s smile when he knows he’s said a new word or sentence correctly. “Smile” isn’t even an adequate word for it — it’s like a 500-watt bulb comes on and lights up his face. It’s the most joyous expression of pure happiness and self-pride I have ever seen. After the brilliant 500-watt “new battery” smile from this evening, I made a promise to myself that I would never, ever, EVER do anything to crush that feeling in him.

I’ve been reading “Parenting with Love and Logic” by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. I only get a page or two at a time because I’m reading it at the table while feeding Jamie his breakfast and dinner. So far I am in agreement with a lot of the principles they are teaching, but my gut also tells me that some of the reactions and techniques they espouse are just too vindictive. One of their big tenets is saving “consequences” for later. Like, ok, you can disobey me/make a poor choice now, and I’m not going to punish you, but tomorrow when you ask me to take you to school/your friend’s house/your soccer game, I’m going to be just too busy. It really seems vindictive to me, but maybe it’s just that because I have a 2 year old and these techniques are not appropriate yet. The consequences for his actions need to be immediate at this point or he’s not going to understand what’s going on.

Parenting is teaching me that I have to go with my gut every time — it’s leading me in the right direction. Heck, if we hadn’t gone with our guts and fired our idiot pediatrician when Jamieson was 5 months old, we might have never found out that he had food allergies.

Formula Isn’t Poison

Every week, I go to a breastfeeding moms support group. I stopped nursing three months ago.

At first, I tried to blend — made my baby a bottle of formula beforehand and fed it to him during the group hoping people would assume it was previously pumped breast milk. But I’ve gotten brazen. Now I just take out my little bottles of Good Start and feed him right there, as the other moms try not to stare in horror.

I guess I’m just lonely.

Any guilt I had about weaning at 4 months is healed by these weekly meetings — the nonstop obsessing about what size breast shields to use, what kinds of supplements to use, how often to pump and for how long, how to wake up in the middle of the night to pump so the supply doesn’t drop, the best way to freeze and store milk, how to deal with plugged ducts and babies that need to nurse every hour through the night.

Sometimes, I want to raise my hand and say, “Listen, you crazy mamas, it’s not all about the breastfeeding. I’m sure you can bond with your babies in lots of ways that don’t involve turning your lives inside out just to make sure you never expose your baby to an ounce of formula. It’s not poison.”

But I was one of those crazy mamas. I took the herbal supplements and drank the tea. I tried to go as long as I could, but at 4 months, supply just couldn’t meet demand. Did I want to make motherhood all about nursing, or did I want to let go knowing I did the best I could?

Well, I didn’t want to let go, but my body was in charge, and that’s how it went. The well ran dry. To see the pressure these women put on themselves is to look in a mirror. Would I have been a better mother if I chose to get up every couple of hours and pump so I could keep nursing? Or would I have been a sleep-deprived mess who let myself get brainwashed by my peers?

So I go to the group. Maybe just to kill time, but maybe also to feel better about the formula thing because these moms look downright miserable. In the end, instead of feeling inferior, I just feel relieved. I have enough crazy obsessions without adding this one. And as much as I truly understand that breast milk is superior, I wonder about all the struggles that seem to go with nursing a baby.

It’s natural.

It’s right. It’s what Mother Nature intended. And yet, so is breathing, and most moms don’t go to breathing support groups. My pediatrician says we need help to nurse properly because we no longer live in communal situations with aunts and cousins and elders who could show us how to do it. Stores and groups and books are the new “village” it takes to raise a child, or at least to nurse it successfully.

The dark secret for me is that I had to work. Worse: I chose to work. I had a book to write, and I went off for four hours a day and let the baby have a bottle. Maybe that’s why I stopped making enough milk. The less I made, the more formula I needed to use, the less I produced, the more I used formula, the more demand shrunk, supply shrunk, the whole thing unraveled, and it’s all my fault for working. Or that’s what I tell myself when I’m kicking myself in the butt about the whole thing.

The pendulum has swung so far since the days when doctors advised moms that formula was best, when nursing was seen as radical and kooky. Now, if you don’t nurse your baby for at least six months, you are a selfish failure. In the tacit competition between moms over who can nurse the longest, the competition that may exist only in my mind: I LOSE.

Yes, I liked nursing. It was pretty sweet knowing I could keep my baby alive with my boobs. I did feel like a natural woman. At the pediatrician, I felt like a rock star. Around formula-feeding moms, I felt a potent mixture of superiority and pity. And after awhile, I felt like an idiot for my nonstop focus on how I could keep it all going.

When I see what these nursing moms are going through, I don’t miss it. I’m angry that the unintended consequence of this well-meaning “breast is best” movement is to guilt working moms into nursing on demand, all the time, all night long, for six months or until most jobs won’t want you back. The accidental message is that if you don’t press the pause button on every aspect of your life to nurse your baby, you are the worst thing in the world: a bad mom.

So maybe I don’t go to the nursing moms support group just because I’m lonely. Maybe I go because I’m guilty.

Teresa Strasser is an Emmy-winning television writer and a multimedia personality. She is the author of a new book, “Exploiting My Baby,” the rights to which have been optioned by Sony Pictures.

In early September, I went in to work one morning and found my computer frozen up and making a loud clicking sound. When I restarted it, I got a screen with a blinking question mark. Uh oh. Our IT guy was unable to fix it, so they had to get a new hard drive for me. And guess who hadn’t backed up her work lately? And it wasn’t just my current projects that were lost, it was my entire e-mail archive (13 years’ worth of work emails), my carefully categorized photography library, stock photos I’d purchased, all my administrative documents including annual reviews and other important documentation, and other things that I am still discovering that I no longer have.

My office has no official daily-backup system; everyone is just supposed to copy their current projects to a central server at the end of the day. Even if I had been doing that, the rest would still have been lost.

The following weekend I went out and bought a new 1TB backup drive for my home computer, since I haven’t been very good about backing that up, either. I think I’m going to bring in one of my older backup drives to use at work as a Time Machine drive. I just know myself and I know I’m not going to remember, every day, to spend 20 minutes copying my projects at 5 p.m. I need a system that does it for me.

We spent more than 2 weeks in September at my parents’ house in Sequim, WA. The weather was wonderful: very cool, some days rainy and some days sunny. Jamie had tons of time with “Ama” and “Diddah” (as he calls his grandparents) and wanted to spend every moment of the day outside. There was lots of room for him to run and play, unlike at home. He had a cold when we arrived, which he promptly shared with everyone in the house. We went to the beach a couple of times, a national park, and then Doc and I spent a couple of days in Victoria, BC.

Shortly after we arrived back home, our TV broke. We had to get a new one; we had already poured so much money into repairing the old TV and there was no guarantee that another expensive repair would actually fix the problem. We got a Sony Bravia and hung it on the wall — and boy do I like having a TV that can be hung on the wall. It’s funny, I don’t think you can buy a CRT TV anymore (old style with a picture tube). Fry’s doesn’t carry them and I haven’t seen one for sale anywhere in a long long time. Flat screen is the way of the future. This TV is full 1080p and shockingly crisp and bright.

In early October, I went to Austin for Debbie’s wedding reception. We had just gotten back from visiting my parents, and we just didn’t feel up to making another family trip with the baby, so I went by myself to represent the family. I had a great time and it was fun to see everyone again, but I missed my boys.

Doc and I (and Jamieson) have been sick off and on for the past few months. It seems like as soon as one of us starts feeling better, another one of us gets sick. Ugh.

We started feeding Jamie chicken a couple of weeks ago, at the instruction of his allergist. We’re not sure if it’s affecting him or not. He’s been somewhat fussy overall, but he often is fussy so we are not sure it’s attributable to the chicken. Anyway, life seems a bit easier now that we are not so carefully watching out for chicken in stuff that he eats. It means that when we go out to eat, we can order him grilled chicken, potatoes and vegetables!

I am investigating the possibility of Rice Krispy Treats as a nonallergenic food. I know that marshmallows are OK; we can use his special margarine; and Rice Krispies have “malt flavoring” in them, which I need to investigate as being possibly wheat-derived. If it’s Jamie-safe, then that may be something we can make and eat as a treat.

Jamie’s language skills are exploding over the past week or two. He has started putting together two and three-word sentences, such as “help me, mommy” and “up daddy,” and is learning to speak new words daily. For instance, yesterday morning he picked up the computer mouse off the coffee table and handed it to me, saying “Boo!” I thought… well, it IS Halloween, but how does he know the word “Boo?” Then I realized that he was pointing out to me that the glowing light on the bottom of the mouse was BLUE! And in the car on the way home from the grocery last night, I said “we’re almost home! Can you say ‘home’?” — and he did. I LOVE the expression on his face after he says a new word or puts together a sentence for the first time: it is pure unadulterated joy. He is SO proud of himself, and he know he has pleased us immensely.

This weekend we held our annual Halloween party. We had a nice sized turnout and a fantastic time! Sadly, no photos were taken of the evening; we were too tired and/or busy talking to our friends and having fun to pull out the cameras. Everyone brought delicious food for the potluck dinner, and Rich brought a great parlour game called “The Werewolves of Miller’s Hollow.” Essentially we all played townspeople, and there were a couple of werewolves among us who would eat a villager each night. Our task was to find out who the werewolves were and shoot them before they could decimate the entire town. Lots of lying, laughing, and fun. Rich and Angela came over early and helped us set up and decorate the house, too.

Jamie’s Halloween costume was a garden gnome. He was just too cute in his beard and hat:

He attended a party at his Gymboree class, and we went to the Arboretum on Halloween morning to play in the pumpkin patch and hay mazes.