2006 in review

Usually I'm not one for year-end reflections and New Year's resolutions, but I've felt a bit introspective lately and I find myself wanting to measure and tally my achievements and accomplishments as well as put forth some goals for the next 12 months.

So: The year in review.

2006 has been a year of changes on a personal level, more of them than I can remember in a long time.

On the material side of things, we replaced a number of old worn out items with new ones: our bed (12 years), my computer (4-1/2 years), a refrigerator (13 years), the vacuum cleaner (12 years). And we acquired a couple of things we've been wanting for a while: a treadmill and a new car. So it's been a rather expensive year as well.

We also joined the local Freecycling group, and we've given away a lot of extra stuff that we don't need or don't use anymore. One person's trash is another person's treasure.

I don't think I mentioned it before, but we also have ordered (and will receive in mid-January) two new office chairs to replace both of our old broken workstation chairs. This was a serious splurge but the way I see it, if we're going to be sitting in these chairs for 12 hours a day or more (Doc) and have back problems (me), it's totally worth it to have a good chair. So hello, Herman Miller! :)

This year has brought an onslaught of health issues for me. It kind of feels sometimes like I'm just falling apart and I don't know how to stop it. My migraine headaches have returned after years of dormancy; I tore my rotator cuff; I fell a couple of times (stairs and sidewalk), thankfully not seriously injuring myself but enough to make me question my balance and stability; I threw out my back half a dozen times; I tore my left hamstring; I fractured my left shin bone; I got bad poison ivy; I got bad stomach flu; and I've been having some possibly serious issues with my girl-parts-down-south.

However, there are a number of things that I achieved this year that I am proud of:

• I tried to learn to ski
• I learned to scuba dive
• I played flute in a performance art piece
• My team won 2nd place for our short film
• I grew some vegetables to fruition in a container garden
• I designed a book that was published and nationally distributed
• I acquired a major freelance client
• I trained for a marathon

Out of all that, I think that the marathon training is what I'm most proud of. Even though circumstances prevented me from achieving the ultimate goal of running the race, I committed to the training and tried very very hard to do something that seems contrary to my nature.

One of the hardest things that I had to deal with this year was losing our Angster Prankster kitty. I still think about him all the time.

Some things I learned this year:

• I am the things that I can't let go of.
• If I don't start faking social norms, I am going to end up as one of those cranky old people that nobody likes.
• I don't want to be one of those people that's always being super cautious about everything: Oh no, I'd better not participate in life because What If.
• Forgiveness is accepting that you can't change the past.
• I can feel myself getting older now. The first gray hairs, more prominent wrinkles, lessened appetite, lessened energy levels, and proneness to injury.

Personal Resolutions For 2007

• To not have as expensive a year as 2006 was, even with the addition of a car payment.
• Enjoy myself immensely in Belize, RELAX and RECHARGE.
• Read eight books.
• Write one good poem.
  
• Begin work on my 2nd cookbook.
• Participate in the 2007 24-hour Video Race.
• Lose fifteen pounds.
• Return to doing yoga regularly.
• Train for and complete the White Rock Half Marathon in December 2007.
• Complete four new paintings.
• Respond to e-mail in a more timely fashion.
• De-clutter the house even more.
• Get my reproductive health situation figured out and fixed.
• Sell the Saturn.
• Participate in my own Project 365: Take one photo a day for a year. This means that I'll need to get a new camera.
• Take more time to appreciate the journey to all my goals, and the journeys that don't end in goal completion.
  

I'm sure there will be more. I'll add them as I think of them.

Weekend Update

I got all my holiday shopping done today. I realized mid-morning that today was pretty much my only opportunity to do it, due to various commitments over the next 2 weeks. Not to mention, the closer to the 25th it is, the more doses of crazy get added to retail excursions, and I don't much like shopping as it is.

I was out for 6-1/2 hours (insane!) but surprisingly I still had energy when I got home. Perhaps this was due to the fact that I only spent a tiny portion of those 6-1/2 hours at a mall. Malls are their own special version of hell, especially around the holidays.

Anyway, I had energy enough to bake and decorate sugar cookies for my office holiday party. From scratch, baby. They're thin and chewy and have peppermint icing. Holy crap, they're good; as K1 said, "hide-them-from-your-significant-other-good."

I had planned also to make pasta with meat sauce, garlic baguette slices, and a spinach salad for dinner, but that is going to wait until tomorrow instead.

Yesterday we went with Kim, Brittney, and Chris to Six Flags. Like I've said before, winter is the only time of the year to go to amusement parks. I was shocked at how many people were there; I've never seen a crowd that big during the winter. The lines for some of the rides were really crazy long. I freakin' love the Titan. The Spongebob 4-D ride was great too (not that I'm a Spongebob fan, but the seats moved and jolted you around in sync with the film and we got SQUIRTED at one point, it was nutty). We had a great time talking and laughing and drinking hot cocoa. I cannot believe that i paid $11 for a slice of pizza and a medium coke. Park food prices are absolutely insane; so is parking ($15).

Friday night (hey, guess I'm working backwards chronologically with this post) we went to my office's Level 2 holiday party (the one I am making the cookies for is the Level 3 party -- my department; next week is the Level 1 party, hosted by the president of the university) at the division vice president's house. There were waaaaay too many people there for the size of his house. We made an appearance, ate some appetizers and wine, and then left to go to Times Ten Cellars for a drink and some relaxation (me and Doc, Brittney, Yvonne and Nate, Ben and Chelsea, and Chelsea and Helena). Yvonne had her first glass of wine since she's been pregnant! (It's fine to occasionally partake after the 1st trimester). It took her well over an hour to finish that one glass; she says that it's strange how her body is changing so drastically in response to Le Cheetoh.

Yesterday I picked up my unrepairable sewing machine from the shop (it only sews backwards now! and sadly, cannot be fixed because they don't make the 35-year-old parts anymore). I got it into the hatchback of the Prius with no problem, but as I scooted it back against the rear seat, a muscle in my mid-back went **TWINGE**. That crazy painful sharp pain that makes it hard to breathe. I tried to stretch it out a little before I got back in the car, and then when I got home I laid down on the heating pad for several hours. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make it to Six Flags later that day or not, but it looks like this time is not nearly as bad as it has been before. I did OK at Six Flags (thanks to my good friend Darvocet) and today I hardly feel it at all. I've decided to start doing yoga on my own again. I think that the reason my back has been spasming a lot lately is because I've let myself go, strengthwise. Yoga will help strengthen my back and stomach muscles and, hopefully, this won't happen as much anymore.

Today was the day of the White Rock Marathon. I did not participate. I feel all kinds of latent Catholic guilt about that, because I said over and over again that I would do it; in fact, I INSISTED that I was going to find a way to complete it despite my stress fracture. I realized, though, as the weeks went by this fall, that it would be a really really dumb thing to try to do. I would probably end up making my injury worse by keeping my training at that level. And even if I didn't push myself with the training, if I'd tried to run/walk 13 miles today I know I would have re-injured that leg.

There is always next year. Yvonne says that after she has the baby in May, she'll want to train for it as well, to get back into shape. I think that it's a good goal to have and I'm totally supportive of whatever she decides to do, but I also think that she might be so tired from being a mom that she just plain might not have the energy. I plan to train either way, once my leg has a chance to get stronger. I'd like to start training in earnest in March. I hope that's enough time. We'll see.

fat and lazy

It's not that I've completely quit trying... but maybe I kind of have.

My marathon training has fallen back to April/May levels, if that. Part of it is that I was trying to give my stress-fractured leg a rest for a while, to see if it would maybe magically heal itself over a 4 week period. Part of it is that it really hurt to run. Part of it is that Yvonne, for her own reasons, probably won't be running the whole thing either.

I have realized over the past couple of days that I've actually been forgetting about my training. Like, it doesn't even occur to me anymore to exercise. I had gotten into the habit of almost daily doing a run after work, or in the morning on the weekends, more-or-less happily striving towards my goal. And now it's not even entering my mental "to-do" list. I hate the feeling of realizing that I've forgotten something like that. It's the same sick feeling I get when I think about one of my worst fears: forgetting to take care of something I'm responsible for, and having it die or other horrible consequences. Plants, animals, children, mortgage, etc. I think I have dreams like that a lot, where I realize that I'm supposed to have been doing something all along.

I also feel like my eating habits have been ... what is the opposite of "improving"? Yeah, that.

I want to get back into a routine now, though. Leg pain or no leg pain, I have to do something. The weather is cooperating and has cooled down nicely (58 right now, I have the windows open and thick socks on), which will make outdoor runs much less painful.

Something occurred to me the other day, though, as I was trying to remember exactly when I first started noticing the pain in my leg. I remembered that when I went to Lubbock to see Bob graduate in August, one of his friends gave us a ride back to the motel or out somewhere in his giant pickup truck, and after I hopped out, I reached back in to grab my purse off of the seat, and I smacked my left shin hard into the running board on the truck. It hurt really bad and left a big bruise.

I didn't think much of it at the time because I bruise easily and rarely remember how I got them in the first place. But I wonder if maybe hitting the bone against the edge of the running board cracked it. (The bone, not the running board). It was about the right place.

the week's update

I've been working on my other website a lot this week so I haven't had much time to write.

Last week kinda sucked, between feeling downright awful for several days (bad period) and some crazy shit going on at work involving deadlines and last minute changes and having to say no and things maybe not working right and the possibility of a trivia slideshow to be presented in front of 2500 rich people going down in flames (it didn't, but it was nervewracking getting there) and talking to managers about lessening the craziness of the crazy shit and just generally being extra crabby.

It was a bad week for a lot of people that I talked to.

Also, I barely ran any at all last week; my leg is still not feeling any better. Now it's doing this thing where if I put any weight on it, it feels like it's going to buckle! Good times all around. I'm going to try to get back into it this week, maybe run some on the elliptical machine, which I like better than the treadmill and it feels better on my injury.

I got a slew of new freelance work and billed for quite a bit from September. I feel that the projects are coming at a good pace now. Nothing like the craziness of the book project. That should be printed and might deliver this week (thus the reason I was working on my business website; my URL is printed in the credits).

We did have a good time out on Saturday night with Kirk, Brittney, and Stan. We ate at a steakhouse and then went to the crazy bowling alley-slash-event and entertainment center. We didn't do any actual bowling, but played some video games, then went to Steak and Shake for ice cream.

Thursday night was a lot of fun. It was Doc's birthday, and I took him to Kostas (Greek food) for dinner. We usually only go there once a year on our anniversary, but I decided to buck tradition. He didn't know that Lori, Joel, and Valerie were going to be there too. We had some great food, wine, and baklava, and I was really pleased that I was able to treat everyone. It feels nice to do that for my friends on occasion. We stayed at the table until after they had closed, talking and laughing. Lori gave Doc some fun little toys and candies, and we played "Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans Roulette" where we closed our eyes, took a jellybean, and hoped to god it wasn't the Vomit flavoured one. For the record, I got Earthworm, Doc got Sardine, Valerie got Grass, and Lori got Earwax. Doc voluntarily ate a Dirt flavoured one, and Lori was game and ate Soap and Booger. Joel ate Bacon and declared himself done.

Doc found an old Hi-8 tape of my trip to New Mexico in 1996 with Kathryn and Ginger. We have two ancient Hi-8 cameras; one of them only plays audio and the other only plays video. I don't even remember this tape; I'm dying to see what's on it! I caught a glimpe of my old Honda Accord in one shot. I miss that car!! It had some problems towards the end, but I miss having a manual transmission and I miss having a red car. I might send the tape to a place that will convert it to DVD for a hefty fee.

katy's health watch 2006

I forgot to mention in my last post, for those of you keeping up with Katy's Health Watch 2006:

• My rotator cuff injury is almost completely healed.
• My torn left hamstring is healing... maybe about 50% there.
• My poison ivy is now just a series of fading reddish-brown dots on my arms, legs, and stomach. Only a few little scabs left. I'll be rubbing vitamin E oil into my skin for the next few weeks.
• My stress fracture is still very much fractured. Running makes it feel worse; not running makes it feel better.

This has sure been a year for injuries. I'm amazed by the sheer number of things that have gone wrong with me this year. I hope it's not a sign that the ol' 34-year-old body is beginning to fall apart.

down, but not out

I have cut WAY back on my running, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because it will give my leg a chance to start healing; bad because there is probably no way that I will be able to complete the half marathon on December 10 without walking a large portion of it.

I'm slowly coming around to acceptance of the fact that I'm injured, and staying on my previous training schedule is not only going hamper the healing process, it will undoubtedly make the injury worse. It is so frustrating because I really really wanted to do this crazy impossible thing; I'd set my mind to doing something quite alien to my nature, to challenge and stretch myself, and I was going along so well and making so much progress and I was in the best shape of my entire life and my successes were making me want to become even better... and my overeagerness has screwed me.

This week I ran 3 miles on both Sunday and Monday, and about 2 on Tuesday, and I have paid for it in pain. There is no question in my mind now that I have a stress fracture. I took Wednesday and Thursday off completely, and only went to yoga class today. My leg feels much better, better than it has in a long time, after feeling the worst it's ever felt on Tuesday after my 2 mile run.

Had I not fractured it, I would have been running at least 9 miles at a time on the weekends. That's not going to happen for a while. Yvonne and I think that maybe this is just not our year.

I AM STILL GOING TO COMPLETE THE HALF MARATHON ON DECEMBER 10. And I will run across the finish line.

aimee mann and my 34th birthday

I had a pretty good 34th birthday. Doc surprised me with a homemade miniature cake (red velvet and white layers, with cream cheese icing and crushed up cookies in the center) and a big Hello Kitty balloon. The balloon has actually been the source of a very entertaining revelation: Loki is scared to death of balloons, or Hello Kitty, or both. He hid under the bed for two days straight, and hasn't been downstairs at all until just last night. The experiment that proved my theory left me with numerous cuts on my right hand.

Saturday night we had a little cookout party, which was a lot of fun. I wish it hadn't been so hot outside, because I was hoping that we could spend the evening on the patio.

Sunday was a very different weather situation. I got up early to run around the park, and it was cloudy and low 80s, which was OK for running (humid, but OK). On my second lap, a reddish-brown medium sized dog fell into step beside me and ran with me for the next two miles. He had no collar, and no owner in sight, and he just silently trotted along by my side, only occasionally stopping to sniff at something or to meander out into traffic. I'm sure that people driving by thought I was his careless owner. He didn't seem to listen when I tried to call him back on to the sidewalk. He stopped and waited for me while I stretched afterwards, then dutifully followed me home. I wouldn't let him in the gate, and he looked sad, but then moseyed off.

Later on, I met Yvonne at the Farmer's Market where we stocked up on fresh vegetables. It's nice to go with a friend and split the goods, because if you have small families like we do, you often can't eat the quantities that things come in.

It stormed all afternoon. We watched television for a while, then napped for a few hours while it rained buckets outside. The temp dropped into the 70s.

Then that evening, we went to see Aimee Mann do an acoustic show at the Lakewood Theatre. It was a fabulous concert! She played a good mixture of older songs and new ones. She also has really good stage presence and is very entertaining when talking to the audience between songs. Before "Save Me" she said, "Most people know this song from the movie 'Magnolia.' But I like to think of it as the one that lost an Oscar to Phil Collins' cartoon monkey love song."



At the end of the show, she said "This is the part of the show where we leave, and you clap, and we come back. Or we can just stay and play some more songs." And then she took audience requests! And played several songs that they had not rehearsed in a long time and weren't even sure they could do -- I don't think it was just an act because they did mess up at the beginnings a few times. On Driving Sideways, they told the pianist the first chord, and a few seconds later he asked "Ok, now what's the second?" I did not shout out any requests, because she did three of my very favorite songs: Wise Up, Red Vines, and Driving Sideways. The only songs that I wish she would have also done were How Am I Different and Satellite. Other songs she performed included You're With Stupid Now, Invisible Ink, Goodbye Caroline, You Do, Invisible Ink, Little Bombs, and One. There were several others as well which I don't remember now.

Two big bonuses: I did not smell like smoke afterwards, and I was not deaf. LOVE the Lakewood Theatre!

mileage dropoff

Today marks two weeks from when I visited the doctor and she told me to cut my training in half. In the past two weeks I have only run a total of 25 miles, whereas if I had not fractured my stupid leg (or whatever I have done to it) I would have run 45.5 miles. So although it appears that I have run a little more than half my normal mileage, I have done no weekend long runs in more than a month. I'm supposed to be up to 7.5 by this weekend, and I haven't even run as much as 5 miles since August 7.

My leg doesn't really feel all that much better so now I have to decide whether to go back to the doctor or not. She'll surely send me for a horribly expensive MRI. I KNOW my leg is messed up; do I really need an MRI to confirm that?

I think that maybe I should just continue my training to the best of my ability, being sure to listen to what my leg is telling me on any given day. Ice, heat, stretching, and being careful.

And completing that fucking half marathon in December even if I have to walk halfway.

stress fracture update

I went to the doctor last Wednesday for my regular yearly checkup, and I also asked her WTF was going on with my left leg. She said that it seemed like my hamstring was definitely strained, and there is a possibility that I have a stress fracture in my shin. Stress fractures usually don't show up on X-rays, but she sent me to get my insides photographed anyway (hello, deductible, nice to meet you, thanks for being so high). I am supposed to cut my training in half for two weeks to see if that helps, and it looks like that's not going to be a problem because my leg is really only letting me do so much before it begins to scream at me to stop.

That's one of the things that I'm slowly learning: how to interpret my body's signals. Where's the line between pain and discomfort? How do I tell if I really should stop or if I'm just being a big baby and need to push myself?

Anyway, I haven't heard back about the X-ray results yet. I wonder if maybe she sent me to get them because it's a prerequisite to having an MRI? Which is what she said I may need if it doesn't get better and nothing shows up on the X-ray. I don't think I want to pay for an MRI... they aren't cheap.

Thursday I tried to run after work. I was only going to do 2 to 2.5 miles, half of what I'd normally try to run, but I had to stop after only a mile. Shooting pain was running up my leg from toes to thigh. Yesterday morning, I decided to try again (36 hours off... that should be enough time to heal, right?!). I was able to run 2.25 miles, and then my leg started giving me signals that I'd better quit lest something unpleasant happen. I decided to be smart and actually listen this time, because I'm pretty sure not listening is what got me into this mess in the first place.

I am definitely falling behind my training schedule (I was supposed to do 6.5 miles this weekend, but so far 5 is the most I've been able to accomplish). But I have time. The race is not until December. I can catch up, as long as I try to keep my endurance up while I'm recovering. Yvonne and I are ahead of schedule, anyway. Plus, she's going on vacation to Mexico next week which will give me additional time to recover and catch up to her. She's always going to be better than me, but that's OK because it gives me someone to look up to, someone close enough to my level that I'm not discouraged, but enough ahead of me to give me motivation to attempt to keep up.

I made a decision the other day: I am going to complete the race, even if I have to walk more of it than run. I am going to finish it. No "but my leg prevented me from becoming good enough to do it!"; no "I got injured and had to quit!" No excuses. I am in the best shape of my life and am starting to actually become satisfied with my body, and I don't want that to end.

I also had a minor epiphany related to training. I was freaking out because I know that I need to run probably 5x per week, but I also need to crosstrain in some way. I need to do some sort of stretching routine (such as yoga) to stay limber and strong but I also need to lift weights for extra strength and because it's good for your bones, and also swimming would really help out the upper body that I'm ignoring by running. But Jesus Christ, there's only so many hours in the day! How can I possibly fit all that in unless I'm at the gym 2-3 hours each day?! (And some people do spend that kind of time at the gym, but I am not one of them. I have better things to do.)

And then I realized: I am in training for a specific goal, and to that end, I need to focus on the particular activity that will help me achieve that goal. I need to run (primarily), and once or twice a week, do a different activity to crosstrain. I don't have to do it ALL right now. Later, after the race, I can focus less on running and more on variety. Mixing it up like that will keep me in excellent all-around shape.

Friday at lunchtime I went to yoga class. I haven't been able to go all summer because the summer classes are at 4 pm, and it's hard to get away during the workday, and that's actually just a lame excuse because the real reason has been lack of motivation. It seeemed like yoga was not going to help me increase my running endurance, and so I chose to run instead -- getting the most bang for my workout buck. But I convinced myself to go on Friday... and it was freakin' awesome. It was EXACTLY what my body needed. And now I realize that it's probably been detrimental that I haven't been going all summer. I desperately need this type of crosstraining: slow stretching and body weight resistance. So I have a renewed committment to go to yoga twice a week now.

Sometimes, though, it seems like if it's not one thing, it's another with me lately. I am way more prone to injury than I used to be. It was the torn rotator cuff this spring (which is loads better now, not perfect but I don't notice discomfort on a daily basis anymore and I can lift groceries in and out of my car now!). And now I set this admittedly admirable goal for myself and try to do something really really good for my body, and I get the double whammy of hamstring and fracture. Maybe I'm just not being careful enough. But I don't want to turn into one of those people that's always being super cautious about everything, oh no, i'd better not participate in life because What If.

I guess that if the marathon can teach me to better listen to what my body is telling me, maybe that won't happen.

hitting a brick wall

I seem to have hit a brick wall in my marathon training. I got up to 5 miles a couple weeks ago but haven't been able to top it. I guess part of it is that I went on vacation (although I did run 3 of the 5 days I was out of town, for a total of 8 miles).

I am having two separate issues with my left leg, one of which is likely either a bad chronic shin splint, or possibly a stress fracture. The other issue has something to do with my hamstring... I cannot stretch that leg hardly at all (toe touches are nearly impossible), and when I run there is occasional pain that shoots either up from the back of the knee through the thigh, or down to the toes. I don't know that running is making it any worse, per se, so I'm just trying to stretch it a little bit when I'm warmed up, enough to keep as limber as I can without making it worse. Oh, also, my leg occasionally feels weak as I'm running, like it's about to buckle.

The other thing is, I have had insomnia for a few nights, and I don't have much of an appetite. My stomach constantly feels like it's full of butterflies. Don't know what's going on there.

So, weirdness all around. But like I told a friend, I'm learning to work with the leg pain rather than let it stop me.

I was supposed to have run 6 miles last weekend, and didn't, and still haven't managed to this week. The most I've done is 4.5. I may take it "easy" and just do my 6 mile this weekend rather than 6.5, and basically fall back by a week. Maybe I just need a break, what with the leg and all.

I'm sure it will pass. But it's depressing in the meantime. I feel like a failure.

chemical spill

I think that I forgot to mention, when I was talking about my Saturday morning with migraine aura, that there was a very strong smell of enamel paint or some other type of chemical solvent near one side of the track. It was so strong that I didn't want to breathe through my mouth on that half of the track. I wonder if this contributed to the migraine? I probably shouldn't have stayed, now that I think about it. Live and learn.

migraine run

I ran my official 5-mile run this morning. It was harder to do than the 5-mile I did last Monday, possibly because it was morning instead of evening (less energy) and I was running by myself, but one of the crazy things about today was that I started getting a reverse migraine aura a little more than halfway through. I began having trouble seeing the screen of my iPod clearly but thought it was just due to glare from the fluorescent lighting overhead and the large number of "floaters" I have in my eyes. A few laps later I realized that it was because the center of my vision was disappearing. The little silver diagonal sparkle lines had started in the middle. I decided to keep going as long as I could, but to stop if I started to experience any pain or if my vision disappeared past the point where it was safe to run. I developed a plan for what to do if the pain started, involving finding a quiet dark room and a wet washcloth, possibly with the help of a gym staff member. The sparkles grew outward from the center of my vision in a donut-shaped oblong, slightly to the left of center with the right side pointing slightly upward, and I began to feel slightly nauseous. Eventually the aura reached the edge of my peripheral vision, and it disappeared completely by about 4.75 miles. I finished the run and cooldown walk, stretched, and felt well enough to drive home. My head has felt kind of funny all day, though; not pain exactly, but a strange feeling of pressure or like the pain is there right below the surface and if I thought about it, it would burst on through. So I'm trying to ignore it. Staring at this computer screen all day isn't helping though (I'm doing freelance work this weekend for Arushi).

I called it a "reverse migraine aura" because normally my auras start at the outer edges of my vision and work their way to the center, completely obscuring my vision for a while. The past few I've had have been in reverse – starting in the center and working their way outwards, in a ring shape. I'm a little worried because I've had two real migraines this year and several more auras, and between my late teens and last year I have had maybe only half a dozen total migraines or auras.

and miles to go before i sleep

I know y'all totally don't care, but I still have to post my marathon training progress.

Yesterday I drove over to the gym* to do my 4.5 mile long run (the long runs occur on the weekends, and we're upping them by 1/2 mile every weekend until the race). I didn't realize that the gym opened at 11 on Sundays, and it was only 10 a.m. I didn't want to wait around for an hour and I really didn't have anything to do in the meantime, so ... (yes, you guessed it)... I went running outside instead. In this motherfucking SNAKES ON A PLANE heat. Not having eaten breakfast.

From my office to the start of the Katy Trail (not named after me, thanks for asking, but it is well marked and flat and wide (somewhat like me)) is 1.5 miles of partial shade, and from there I hopped on the trail and went an additional 3/4 mile before turning around and starting back. Up to that point I'd been feeling pretty good, but shortly after the turnaround I had to stop and walk for a little while. Then about 2/3 of the way back I had to stop and sit down in the shade for a bit, then I walked most of the rest of the way. I think that getting cold chills on a 90 degree day is a sign that you've overheated yourself. "I am gonna be SNAKES ON A PLANE if I don't just walk from here," I thought, and actually took my own advice.

You'd think I would have learned my lesson after the last couple of times I decided I could handle running outdoors in Texas in the hottest part of summer. But noooooooo. Give me a few weeks to recover, and some part of my brain begins to tell me that THIS time it will work out fine, go ahead and sweat, you'll feel great afterwards!

So anyway. I feel like I kinda screwed up my 4.5 mile weekend run because even though I technically traveled 4.5 miles, not all of it was running.

However, I have redeemed myself. Today I ran 5 whole miles at the gym, in a row, no stopping, when I only needed to do 3.25. That's a first in my life. I'm pretty proud of myself.

* Yes, I drove 7 miles to the gym rather than run on our perfectly good treadmill at home. I think I've screwed myself with this treadmill thing. I need to gradually get used to it, say by doing 1 mile runs and then going up from there as I acclimate myself. But I'm not doing 1 mile runs anymore. So running on the treadmill seems like it would be a waste of my time.

mile(age)stone

MILESTONE!!

I ran 4.2 miles tonight. That is the farthest I've ever run without stopping. 44 minutes, so that translates to... let's see... about a 10:30 mile. I'm very pleased with that; my goal is not necessarily to run quickly or to decrease my time per mile, but to increase my endurance, even if I'm doing 15 minute miles or whatever. If I can complete the half marathon in under 3 hours, I'll be very happy.

I sprinted the last lap and a half to catch up with Brittney, and after slowing to a walk it felt like I was starting to have an asthma attack. It subsided after a few minutes of wheezing. Which reminds me, I should make a doctor's appointment so she can reassure me that my body will be able to stand up to this crazy training schedule.

I was supposed to do 4 miles on Saturday (my long run day) but only did 1.5, on the treadmill. Sunday I did an additional 1 mile on the treadmill, then went outside and ran another 1.5. I don't think that really counts, even though it adds up to 4. I felt really awful about myself all weekend as a result.

On the treadmill I have been running a 12 minute mile. I don't know how I will ultimately feel about the treadmill. Right now we have a love-hate relationship. (I hate that I don't love it.) The most I've been able to run on it is 1.5 miles. It feels much more difficult than when I run on regular non-moving ground. I seem to get hotter and sweatier, and I'm really unhappy and my muscles hurt and I tire out quickly and I'm always looking at the mileage gauge. Maybe it's that I know I can step off of it anytime (with a surprising degree of difficulty; I have trouble balancing). I don't know what it is. I'm not giving up on it though, 'cause it wasn't exactly cheap. Maybe I just need to give it time and get used to it and gradually up my mileage on it.

I'm glad that Doc likes it and is using it regularly. Correction: will be using it regularly in the near future. He made the mistake of walking on it barefoot for half an hour immediately after getting out of a long soak in the tub, and the giant blister on the ball of his foot is the price he's paying. Poor guy's been hobbling around since Saturday morning.

Music and marathon progress

Ten songs I'm listening to right now:

1. Mining for Gold (Cowboy Junkies) :: recorded in a church, you can hear the echo
   
2. Whistling For His Love (Danielle Dax) :: i had a dream about giant skiing chickens and this song was the soundtrack
   
3. Alison (Elvis Costello) :: makes me want to play spades, and i wonder what david nathan is doing these days
   
4. Something I Can Never Have (Nine Inch Nails) :: why the hell is this one not available on the iTunes music store?
   
5. Life's What You Make It (Talk Talk) :: life is what you make it
   
6. Silent All These Years (Tori Amos) :: i've got twenty-five bucks and a cracker, do you think it's enough to get us there?
7. October (U2) :: yes, but the music and the lyrics are really more november in my head, somehow
   
8. The Unforgettable Fire (U2) :: carnival, the wheels fly and colors spin through alcohol, red wine that punctures the skin
   
9. Tryin' To Throw Your Arms Around The World (U2) :: a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle
   
10. Plenty (Sarah McLachlan) :: i thought i'd be with you until my dying day
    

Kathryn has finished up her classes and is now interning at the massage school. This equals cheap massage for me! I've scheduled with her for next Wednesday night. I can't wait!

It is fairly easy for me now to run 3.5 miles at a stretch. My last three runs have been 3.5, 3, and 3.5 miles each. So I think that the 4-mile I'm gearing up for this Saturday will not be too difficult. The hardest part is getting into that "zone" thing, where I've passed the point where my body's yelling at me to stop, and everything kind of evens out -- the breathing, the heart rate, the muscle fatigue.

Yvonne tells me about this mythical "runner's high" where the endorphins kick in and, as she describes it, you get this sense of overall well-being. I don't think I've experienced that yet, because the "balancing point" that I find after about 2 miles doesn't really feel like that. I bet I'll feel it when my mileage increases some more.

The treadmill gets here tomorrow, so I imagine I'll test it out in the evening and again on Saturday for my four-mile jog. It's too hot to run at the lake anymore, even early in the morning. The night-time low temperatures have been in the mid-80s for the past week (and well into the triple digits for highs all week -- try 107). 85 degree lows + stifling humidity + red-ozone alerts = breathing problems and overheating. I feel bad for the athletes training for the Beijing Olympics.

i wanna rock and roll all night, and part of every day

I'm severely manic today. I don't know what the deal is. I've got tons and tons and tons of energy, and I feel like I'm flying high, like everything's falling into place, like I'm getting tons of stuff done, like I can keep going all night. It's almost like I've taken some mood altering substance that's got me going going going going going. (I didn't.) You know that feeling where you can almost feel every blood cell in your body zipping along through your veins, like your energy is almost visceral, it's this THING that you can feel circulating through you and it makes your whole body hum and vibrate? That's what this feels like, except I'm keeping it perfectly under control, it's right at that knife edge where it could go too far and suddenly I'd feel like complete shit. I'm keeping it on the knife blade today, all day.

I'm even typing crazy fast. (And making crazy lots of mistakes, but that's another story). Even now, at 9:45 p.m., I still feel like I'm cresting on some crazy energy wave, although I can feel it abating a little bit.

Here is what I've done today, in no particular order:

• Got up at 7.
• Made a list of money that we owe people, and money that is owed to us for various minor recent things.
• Assisted on a video shoot for a documentary about kids attending cancer camp.
• Ate breakfast.
• Ran errands at Target.
• Washed all the towels in the house in a strong vinegar soak to get rid of the impending musty smell that I've sensed lately.
• Belled the cat. (That was Doc's task, actually. Loki's furious about having to wear a collar ... a shiny neon yellow reflective collar with a loud jangly bell. No more stealthy misbehaviour for him. We're convinced that he knows he's invisible sometimes.)
• Finished some work on Debbie's website.
• Helped Doc complete 5 invoices to send off to clients.
• Went through Doc's database and closed out jobs that needed closing.
• Entered Doc's recent expenses into his database.
• Talked to Arushi for 45 minutes.
• Ate dinner and drank a Tilburg's Dutch Brown Ale.
  
• Prepared and sent off 3 recipes to Erica, who's revamping our QFC website and reviving our newsletter from the dead.
• Collected Molly's DVDs to mail back to her.
• Collected a DVD to mail to Joel.
• Made a list of things to do tomorrow after running.
• Locked myself (somehow? or was it a cat?) out of my filing cabinet which I purchased at a surplus sale at work and to which I have no key.
• Took photos of the file cabinet and locking mechanism to take to a locksmith tomorrow.
• Measured some stuff in the bedroom to try to determine the best place to put the treadmill.
• Thought about posting some stuff to eBay or craigslist, but didn't do it.
• Exported Cover Story to post to my blog and/or Youtube.
• Ate some cheese and crackers.
• Made my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow.
• Did the dishes and cleaned all the counters.
  
• Cleaned out underneath my bathroom sink, my bathroom drawer, the cabinet above our toilet, and the cabinet in the cat bathroom. Tossed a bunch of old stuff, rearranged some items, consolidated some items, and began putting together an "emergency kit" for work with toothpaste, tampons, eyedrops, floss, sewing kit, deodorant, ibuprofen, etc.
  
• Talked to Mom on IM and tried to help her solve a computer problem.
• Checked out the art of Jose Emroca Flores.
• Complained about the 107 degree heat this afternoon.
  
• Sat here writing this post, fidgeting like I need to get up and do something.
  

Things that I did Saturday:

• Got up at 9.
• Went to the gym with Doc; ran 3.5 miles while he used the treadmill.
• Came home, showered, dressed, and ate lunch.
• Drove to Grapevine to a fitness store, where we bought a treadmill (I probably ran another half mile, this time in my bare feet, testing out the treadmills).
• Went to the crazy nutty Grapevine outlet mall and walked around for a while. Suprisingly – or perhaps not so surprisingly – found absolutely nothing I wanted to buy. Played a quiet game in my head called "Is America Fatter Than Me?" (answer: Yes.).
  
• Made bierocks when we got home (I made the dough; Doc made the filling and assembled them) and cut up fresh veggies for a mini-salad-bar.
• Watched a mostly useless 2 hour Discovery Channel show about the search for Atlantis, that could have been covered in 15 minutes.
• I think I did some other stuff but that was 24 hours ago and the mind is not so sharp these days.
  

Things I neglected to do this weekend:

• See Bob while he was in town. I thought we'd get together Saturday night after his trip to Six Flags, but he had to drive back to Lubbock in kind of an emergency that night because the friend that he was with found out his dog died that day back home :(
• Call Yvonne back in time to get in on the farmers' market co-op thing for this weekend.
• Run or walk or bicycle today.
• Move all our eBay/craigslist stuff to the garage.

Like you care about any of that! I know, it's mostly just a list for me to feel proud of myself and wonder how I had the freakin' energy to accomplish it.

Last Friday, I had a meeting with Ian. I'm going to be working with him on a project -- iTunes U for our university. He seemed quite open to the design assistance that I was offering him; I was initially a little wary that this would turn into some kind of uncomfortable ownership battle over the design. He seemed to like my initial concepts, though. I thought it might be a little strange to talk business with him for an hour, but it wasn't, really. In a way, I think that having the kind of history with him that I do makes me almost more comfortable working with him than with someone that I don't know and whose reactions I would have a hard time anticipating. Afterwards, he came and stood in my cubicle for a few minutes and we chatted about various things which I can't even remember now.

Friday night Doc and I went to Stout, a very quiet nearly deserted bar on Greenville (how do they stay in business?) and had a few drinks and played pool. Later we went to Yvonne and Nate's house for a few hours and had some pizza and more drinks with Brittney and Chris.

I think that I'm done with alcohol for a while, at least until after the marathon. Not that I drink too much or anything; in fact, I only have 1-2 drinks a week at the most. But it's extra calories that I don't need. Of course, I'm finishing off my Tilburg's Dutch Brown from dinner as I type.... and of course this isn't a hard and fast rule. I'm sure I'll have a celebratory drink on my 34th birthday.

We've started to ramp up our long-run distances. This weekend was 3.5; next weekend is 4. We'll do about 1/2 mile more every weekend until a few weeks before the race. I'm concerned that I'm not doing enough strength training and other types of training like stretching or swimming or yoga. I want to run every day because I feel it gives me the most benefit, but I don't want to run AND do another form of exercise – that's way too much time. So I really just need to develop a schedule. I was going to yoga Wednesdays and Fridays, but my work schedule's been kind of messed up the past 2 weeks and I haven't gone. I think I need to do 3-5 runs a week, 1-2 days of other training, and have one day of rest.

more "nobody likes me" dreams

Ran 3 point something miles after work today, despite a twinge of nausea and a very strange spaced out feeling that makes me think that there was something funny in the birthday cupcakes at work today.

I'm not sure how many if any pounds I have dropped, but I feel better physically and my shape is changing into something a bit more pleasing, gradually but I can tell.

Dreamed the night before last that I was running the trail at White Rock Lake, and we'd gone way past our normal turnaround point, and I realized that we'd run five miles already. The trail went up a hill and ended inside someone's apartment living room. I recognized many of my friends inside the apartment -- Debbie, Kathryn, Ginger, etc. -- and realized that it was a party for Kathryn who was getting married, and that I hadn't been invited. They were kind of finishing up, and there was cake on the table and giftwrap all around the floor, and everyone was dressed fancy and not paying much attention to me. I stood there in my running clothes, sweaty and utterly crushed, and tried to pretend that I wouldn't have been able to come anyway and I had to get going, had things to do, you know, see you later.

crane vs. bridge

Tales from the dumbshit files: So this is what I saw on the way to work yesterday. From the picture you might think that it's just a truck doing road construction, but it is in fact the crane that slammed into and got stuck underneath the bridge yesterday morning. The official story is that the driver raised the crane arm earlier in the morning to check the hydraulics, then forgot to lower it before driving off. Apparently he was arrested at the scene for outstanding warrants.

Congratulations to Colleen (Kim's little sister) and her husband Jason on their brand new baby girl, Anna, born this morning. I still can't believe that Colleen had a baby! She's perpetually nine years old in my mind, squirting us with water guns. Damn, that makes me feel old.

Today was a better day than yesterday. I did not injure myself in any way (but hey, the day's not over yet!) and I ran 3 miles, which is double what I ran last night. My scrapes and scratches hurt like hell. I cleaned up with peroxide last night, and then decided (dumbshit move) to use a bit of rubbing alcohol for good measure. So I poured some onto my scraped-raw knee.... and almost fainted. Holy McFuck, did that ever hurt!

Lack of protective skin + alcohol = Very Bad Idea.

cars!

I'm kind of embarrassed by my last post. It makes me seem like a whiny baby. I thought about deleting it, but a larger part of me doesn't really want to, because that wouldn't be true to myself. I WAS feeling sad and lonely that night, and I don't want to edit my personal history to make me sound better -- to myself or others. I am who I am. I know y'all love me even if I am moody sometimes.

On Friday I did go running over the lunch hour, as planned. I really liked getting it out of the way in the middle of the day and freeing up my evening, but my energy level did not seem quite as good as it usually is in the late afternoons. Also I wasn't sure how the timing would work out -- getting to the gym, running, showering, and getting back to the office within an hour (it didn't quite work). I ran 3 miles, although I'd only planned to do 1.5. My legs were really burning and I thought I'd have to stop, but I pushed myself hard to 2.5 miles and by then the pain disappeared, so I went for all 3.

I think I'll try it a couple more times and see how my energy is, and if I can streamline the timing somewhat.

After work I went to Gloria's with Yvonne, Nate, Jim, Brittney, Chelsea, and also Bill from our office. There was much laughter, sangria, and margaritas all around. I decided to come home afterwards rather than see if anyone wanted to hang out, because I was a little tired from my lunchtime run and the alcohol.

Saturday was a day of errands -- the bank, the shoe store (where I located a pair of black slide sandals nearly identical to my ancient pair whose sole has cracked in half -- but they're MENS shoes, strangely enough; see photo at right but imagine them in black), and the grocery. Central Market sends me these great coupons, usually for things like free meat or $10 off groceries with $40 purchase. So I ended up with a free 1.25 pound sirloin steak (dinner tonight!) and some free blueberries and ice cream. I did not get any exercise in Saturday, but I was intending it to be a day off, so I don't feel that bad about it.

Tonight we are going biking around White Rock Lake. Nate and Yvonne plan to join us as well. It's pretty damn hot out right now (97 degrees) so hopefully it will have cooled off a little in a couple of hours when we meet them. This morning I baked some blueberry lemon corn muffins and this afternoon I baked some buns that are supposed to be similar to the ones served at Schlotzsky's restaurants. We'll see about that. Now I'm cooking a mini-meatloaf that I can slice for a sandwich tomorrow.

We saw "Cars" this morning. It was fantastic! I wasn't sure how they were going to make an entire feature film about automobiles, but they have that fucking Pixar magic working in their favor. I wonder if Steve Jobs' reality distortion field is reaching that far?? One of my favorite parts by far is the end credits. Definitely stay all the way through! I won't spoil it for you by telling you why; all I will say is Monster Trucks Inc.


"Cars" reminds me a little of one of my all-time favorite "old-style" cartoons -- the one about the son of a taxicab who wants to be a racecar.

sometimes you can't make it on your own

I'm kind of feeling friendless and unloved tonight. I hate this feeling. The rational part of my brain knows it's not true but that little area is currently being crushed by the part of me that feels depressed and sorry for myself. Sometimes it feels like the world goes on and makes plans without me and I'm being perpetually left behind and left out, never able to catch up. And then little voices whisper "so why even bother, nitwit?" (Maybe you -- yes, you -- love me anyway... do you? Yes that is a desperate plea for outside affirmation... sad, I know.)

I know that the little voices are the manifestation of Resistance. I just began reading a really interesting book called "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. In it he discusses the very real force within us all, but especially in creative types, that he calls Resistance, and this is the force that does everything in its power to prevent us from actually fulfilling our life's purpose. This is why I am a painter who doesn't paint. But far be it from me to blame some "force" for my problems -- I know the force is me. But maybe visualizing it as a "thing" will help me be able to overcome it. I don't know, I'm not that far into the book yet. We'll see.

I took a yoga class this afternoon in lieu of running. i'm really glad, because running seems to be making my muscles very tight, and I think that I really need the yoga to help keep me limber. So far this week I've only run 5 miles. Friday at lunch I'm running another 3, because after work I'm going to a happy hour with some friends/colleagues.

One last random thing: Luxuria Music offers a fantastic (free) iTunes music stream -- sophisticated lounge, jazz, swing, retro... great stuff! You can just turn it on all day and listen. I'm feeling hipper already.

Good weekend even though I missed NIN/Bauhaus

I had a good weekend. Doc and I went out on a "real date" on Friday night (very important for married couples to do this regularly). We got dressed up and went out for Italian food, and saw a late movie ("Art School Confidential," very enjoyable). I think we need to do something like that at least twice a month. I had such a great time.

On Saturday morning I went to Kathryn's office so that she could practice her massage techniques on me (she's close to getting her certificate). The backs of my legs are usually really sensitive, but she did a fantastic job and it didn't tickle at all. I think next time I'll trust her with the bottoms of my feet! She did this really great thing that stretched out a very sore muscle in the back of my legs (probably sore from so much running).

After lunch, I bought myself a new pair of running shoes that have "motion control" for overpronators. Translation: I tend to walk/run more towards the insides of my feet instead of straight down the middle. These shoes are not exactly fashion statements, but they are supposed to support feet like mine much better than regular shoes. We'll see, though; I also have extremely high arches, which (together with overpronation) is apparently a rare and strange combination. I may need to get some arch support insoles as well. I took the shoes out for a spin on Saturday afternoon and ran approximately 2 miles in the 95 degree heat, and walked one mile.

Saturday night Doc and Rich ordered pizza and watched movies on the Man TV, while I went out for margaritas with Yvonne and her sister-in-law Heather. Our original destination was Times Ten Cellars (a wine bar in Lakewood) but they were closed for a private party, so the valets handed out coupons for a free drink next time we were there (sweet!). We wandered over to Matt's Rancho Martinez instead for margaritas. We had a lot of fun and some really great conversation, ranging from work to race to politics to last names and more.

Afterwards, we went back to Yvonne's for more drinks (I just had a diet coke though; had to drive home) and a bit later Nate and his older brother Chris (Heather's husband) and younger brother Travis came home from the Bauhaus/Nine Inch Nails concert they'd been to. Had I known Bauhaus was playing, I might have gone. This is the first NIN show that I've ever missed and I feel kinda sad about that. However, it is June in Texas and the concert was outdoors and my poor 30-something ears just can't take the absurd volumes that live music is always played at. Nate said that Bauhaus did not play "Bela Lugosi's Dead," but they almost made up for that by doing "Ziggy Stardust." NIN opened with "Terrible Lie" and closed with "Head Like a Hole." Aaargh! I cannot believe that I missed Peter Murphy and Trent Reznor on the same night.

Come to think of it, though, I'm not sure that anything could possibly eclipse the double bill of David Bowie and Nine Inch Nails from 1995. That was simply an amazing show. (Except maybe the very first time I saw NIN, in 1990 or 1991, at tiny little Deep Ellum Live.)

I did get to see a photo of Nate from high school, wearing a leather hand-painted Bauhaus jacket.

On the way to dinner on Friday night, we stopped at a nearby mattress store so that I could try out a TempurPedic bed (that squishy foam stuff). Doc has a "memory foam" pillow and he wanted to eventually get a whole bed because he thinks it's extremely comfortable. I was under the impression that sleeping on a big chunk of foam would be hot and disagreeable. I laid on a couple of the beds and quickly changed my mind. The beds were on sale (which is apparently rare for that brand) so we took the plunge and bought one, which I feel pretty good about since our current bed is 12 years old and sagging in the middle. I've had more back problems than usual lately and I usually wake up stiff and sore in the mornings, and I think it may be partially due to the sagginess (of the mattress, not of me!). Mom and Dad bought me that mattress after I graduated from college and moved into my first apartment, so it's been around a while.

The guy at the mattress store told us that a regular mattress will double in weight every ten years due to dust and mites and skin cells and other bodily cast-offs. I don't know if that's true or not but I've been enjoying telling everybody I can about that fun little fact. :)

They delivered the bed this morning, and we realized that since it's a size up from our previous bed, we didn't have any sheets that would fit. We had to go sheet shopping today, and I had no idea that sheets are so expensive. I'm thinking that we're going to make due with one set for now.

After I'm done writing I am going to brush my teeth, get into my jammies, and take that brand new bed for a test drive.

Marathon training updates

I'm really impressed with myself, in how far I've been able to come in such a short time, with my running.

Last Thursday evening I ran about 3.3 miles (the equivalent of a 5K race!). Friday I felt all squishy so didn't do much of anything. Saturday I tried to go out running alongside Doc riding his bike, but I was still feeling squishy so I got maybe 1/4 mile before I turned around and came right back home. I did about 20 minutes of yoga Saturday night instead.

Sunday I did a little light swimmming, and ran about 1-1/2 miles around the park at home. There's some pretty significant uphills in the park; it's not easy.

Monday I went over to the track at the junior high and did about 2 miles, split between running and walking.

Tuesday I did about 2.5 miles, one of which was on the treadmill before I gave that up (it makes me dizzy and seems to take a reeeeally long time, compared to running a track or the neighborhood. A space-time continuum anomaly?)

Tonight I ran 3 miles.

I'm getting to where 3 miles is fairly comfortable. I think that consistency is the key. I need to do this every night, or at least most nights. I need to get to the point where 3 miles is easy -- and soon.

Quick updates

A couple of quick updates because I'm too tired to write snappy prose tonight.

1. We took 2nd place at the video festival last week. It was somewhat of a surprise. Details to come, I promise! I'll also post the movie here for you to download or view.
   
2. I ran a 5K after work today. Not an actual race, but just 3.3 miles (approximately) around the indoor track. I felt really quite amazing, actually, and I could have run longer if I'd really tried. I would have been exhausted, but I could have found the strength to go maybe 4 miles. I think it is vastly easier for me to achieve those types of distances when I run with Yvonne, partly because I have someone interesting to talk to and take my mind off what I'm doing, but also because she is better than me and I feel like it's a (good) challenge for me to keep up with her endurance.
3. I am apparently incapable of properly operating the stopwatch/lap counter on my snazzy new iPod, and so I guess I'll need to invest in a regular stopwatch or lap clicker or something of the sort. I wonder if a pair of Nikes and a nano would do the trick?
4. I dreamed last night that I told Yvonne that I'd discovered a new way to really tighten up copy. You just inserted the word "And" at the beginning of every sentence, and voila! Fantastic copy, so easy to edit now! When I woke up, even in my half-asleep state, I thought to myself "Now what the fuck was THAT about?!"
   

Wine, running, and winning

Last night we met Yvonne and Nate out for some wine and cheese after work. We'd all had crappy days, except for maybe Nate, so I was really glad to go somewhere and sit and talk and drink. We were supposed to go down to Jim's apartment afterwards for an open house party that he and Bill were having, but we were just so tired that we decided to go home instead. I'm sorry I missed it.

I've been running very consistently this week. I ran Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights, and will go again tonight. The weather is getting hot to the point where I'm not sure I'm going to want to/be able to run outdoors for much longer. Yvonne thinks that if we get our "base" level at 3 miles then we'll be fine. Right now I've been able to do 2.25 without much problem, so probably only another couple of weeks until I'm comfortable at 3.

On Wednesday I had planned to go to the gym on campus and purchase a year's membership. It used to be free, but they've completely remodeled the building and now they are charging monthly fees. Which is annoying because I've "belonged" to the gym for 11-1/2 years free of charge and I don't want to have to start paying now; but on the other hand it's only $10 per month, which is 1/3 of what a regular gym would charge, and it's close and convenient and offers nearly all the same amenities as a "real" gym. Mid-afternoon on Wednesday I got a call from someone in the HR department, telling me that I'd won a drawing for filling out a wellness assessment online. I didn't even know there was a drawing. I'd just done it in order to get a 10% discount on my medical insurance deductible for next year. Anyway, the prize I won was a nice gym bag, sweatshirt, and towel, two passes to their fancy fitness classes... and a year's membership to the gym.

Timing, karma, and maybe fate! I never win anything, yet I've won two things this week. Maybe I ought to buy a lottery ticket too.

A frog in my throat?

Living on a creek comes with some benefits (lots of big leafy trees, no neighbors in the back) and some downsides (mosquitoes, critters, flood potential).

One of those elements is frogs. Normally I like frogs. They're cute, they eat icky bugs, they stay out of my way. But tonight, for the love of god, they are MATING and they won't SHUT THE FUCK UP.

The drone is driving me CRAZY. If they were all croaking at different times I think it would sound like white noise and that would be OK. But they've got a whole freakin' orchestrated chorus going on down there and are singing in UNISON.

I don't know why it's getting on my nerves so much tonight! I usually like the sounds of nature.

Tonight Yvonne and I did our first run together. It was a really short one, and we used the nice springy track, but it was over 90 degrees outside and the humidity was probably in the 80% range or better, and the air was really hazy and I just had the hardest time. I ran 1-1/2 miles and then had to slow to a walk for 4 more laps (which Brittney was kind enough to join us for). My airways were trying to close up on me, and I don't have asthma or allergies. I think that maybe it was happening because I was trying to hold a conversation while running, and maybe also because of all the crap in the air and how hot it was outside. I had good energy and muscle strength and cardio endurance tonight, but I was afraid I was going to have an asthma attack if I didn't slow down. Maybe I need to add "open airways" to my Holy Grail.

I also wonder if my breathing difficulty while running and talking is related to what I experience when reading aloud. If I'm just having a normal conversation with somebody, I'm fine. But if I am reading aloud from a book or magazine or anything, my throat gets tight and starts to hurt and my airways tighten up and my voice starts creaking and cracking. Weird, huh?

More on running

Yesterday after work I did Day One of the "Get Your Fat Lazy Ass Out Of The House Spring Training Program," which was a mere 1.5 mile run (which I ran all of, in a row, without stopping). I achieved the ultra rare Holy Grail of How I Feel Whilst Exercising, which may have been due to what I ate for lunch (baked beans, a little sausage, an orange, carrots) and how long it had been since I ate (4 to 4.5 hours).

I may have explained this before, but let me talk about the Holy Grail for a minute. When I'm running, I usually have one of the following conditions as a strike against me:

1. My muscles building up too much lactic acid and burning/tiring out too quickly
2. My heart rate and breathing going too fast and making my chest and back hurt
3. Just plain no energy.
4. Some combination of the above 3 unfortunate conditions.

The Holy Grail occurs when my cardio is good, my muscles are not tiring out, and I have enough energy. It's rare, but last night was one of those nights. If I'd had the time I would have continued running for maybe 3 miles, but I really did have some place to be and I was late.

I felt good while I was going, just a teeny bit tired at the end, and I felt GREAT about an hour after I got done... I guess it was the adrenaline or something still in my system. Also, I timed myself, and when I'm feeling good like that and when it's not 100 degrees outside, apparently I can do a 10 minute mile. At least I can at first... who knows what I'll slow down to after a few miles.

After I got done, we went all the way out to Addison to Uncle Julios and met Rachel, Kathryn, Arushi and Shyamal. Shyamal's in town on business and Arushi came along for the ride. Too bad I was on vacation last week and not this week! We had a great time and spent at least an hour after the check came just talking at the table. On a personal note, I ate only 2 fajitas and did not pig out on tortilla chips like I normally do. Hey, it's the little things sometimes that I have to take pride in :)

And today Debbie was in town so Kathryn, Brett, Roosh, and I had lunch with her. I wish I could have taken the afternoon off and spent more than 45 minutes with her! But she has to work tomorrow so she's driving back to Austin tonight. Arushi and Shyamal will be here through Friday (Shyamal's birthday).

Oh crap, today is Sarah and Joe's birthdays! I'd better send them an e-card before it's tomorrow...

marathon training, day 3

Ran this afternoon, even though I really REALLY didn't want to. It was over 100 degrees outside. I went my 3 mile route, and I think I ran nearly 2 miles of that. I had water but halfway through I had to quit drinking it because it was just sitting in my stomach making me feel nauseous and it was SO hot outside that I was afraid if I kept up that pace I might throw up or faint. So I mixed in some long walking stretches and kept crossing the street to walk wherever there was shade.

I've got a LONG ways to go. It's going to be fucking scalding outside for most of my training time before the marathon. I may have to figure out an alternative locale. I seriously thought about calling Yvonne and telling her that I wasn't going to do it, because today it felt like there was NO WAY I will EVER be able to run 13 miles if I can't even run 2 without feeling like I'm going to die.

But I know that I've got nearly 8 months between now and the race. I'll get better, and my debate with myself over quitting today is going to seem absolutely silly.

On my return route, I walked past a woman sweeping her sidewalk. She appeared to be my age, maybe a little older. I smiled as I passed and said "Hi" to be friendly (which is totally against my nature... as an introvert, I am uncomfortable with strangers, but I had kind of a revelation that if I don't start faking social norms I'm going to end up one of those cranky old people that nobody likes). Anyway, I said hello and she smiled really big and said "You are looking so GOOD, girl! You've lost weight!" I semi-panicked and furiously thought "Oh my gosh, do I know her? How does she know me?" I took a chance and said "Really? Thanks! So you've seen me running on your street before?" And that's how she knows me. She has seen me running and either she really thinks I've trimmed down or she was just being polite. Anyway, we had a short conversation about exercising, diets, being consistent, and the fucking scalding temperatures outside.

Whether or not she actually meant what she said, it made me feel really good. Also, I was proud of myself for having a friendly conversation with a stranger and not looking for the first escape hole I could find.

marathon training, day 1

Yes, I think I've finally lost my mind.

I have decided to train for a marathon.

Probably only a half marathon. (This is me we're talking about, after all.)

The furthest I've ever run before at one stretch is 5K (3.3 miles). So now I'm gonna do 13.1? Ha!

Last week sometime, when Doc came to bed I half woke up and said to him "I think that I have to run a marathon." A couple days later I told Yvonne about this crazy thing I said while asleep, and she suggested, "Why not? If you want to run one half of the White Rock Marathon in December, I'll run the other." I thought about it for a couple of days and realized
a) it will be a really good personal challenge, something in my life I can be truly proud of;
b) If I was doing it on my own, I could change my mind and quit in the middle of training, but when someone else is counting on me to do my part, that's not going to happen; and
c) When we go to Belize next year I'll probably be in much better shape and may even be able to put on a swimsuit without shame!

So. Today begins my training in earnest. I'm thinking about running with Yvonne regularly, getting a treadmill, and/or joining some sort of running training group.